Mum guilt :(

[Flowers54]

I have 3 young children, DH works away a LOT, working 6 or 7 days every week. I went back to work recently after maternity leave. Im feeling burnt out, anxious and my mood is low - everything is taking its toll. In the past 6 years of having children I have totallg neglected myself. I havent had a day to myself in forever. Tomorrow I have a day off work and arranged to spend it to myself. Its what I day dream about . . A day with the house to myself and total peace and quite. BUT now its approaching Im panicking and feeling total mum guilt. Im spending a day off work and sending the kids to childcare (which they love) but I feel like its really wrong, I've never done it before

AIBU? (I hope so). I just want some reassurance as Im on the verge of cancelling. Does anyone else crave alone time?

Omg you are NOT being unreasonable!

Never! No way!

In fact, make it a thing to book one day a month to have to yourself. Pamper yourself. Sleep. Watch tv. Go somewhere and chill.

By all the gods, you deserve it!

I crave alone time to the point that I hide in the toilet sometimes. Or secretly enjoy being ill and letting other people take the reins. I like alone time.

The stress of having little kids can take it’s toll on your mental health, so you are definitely NOT being unreasonable to have a lovely day off.

You’re being unreasonable in making me so jealous though!!

Have a lovely day x

I crave it too. Once a year DH takes the DCs away to visit his family a few days and I absolutely love lazing around, eating terrible food, or going for a nice job. Maybe once a year I'll have a sick day at home where I'm not too sick but don't tell the DCs that I'm not going into work.
For me, it's what I need to recharge myself - that's where I don't feel the guilt because I'll be raring to go once the DCs are back.

Sorry but why on earth would you feel guilty for looking after yourself for just one day out of 6 years?! Do you not matter? Is your own mental health not important? seriously, ditch the guilt and put yourself first for a change.

You are definitely not being unreasonable; please try and enjoy the day, you more than deserve it.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. You need to prioritise yourself in order to be a good mum.

I used to do it a good few times a year at least, however DC2 (6 months) has now come along and we won’t be having any childcare and I too am already craving having some time alone.

I really hope you enjoy your day and can hopefully get to do it more regularly going forward

Does your H have guilt about the impact on you and the DC of working away so much?

I crave alone time to the point that I hide in the toilet sometimes.
🤣 this made me laugh so much... the struggle is real.

I know it sounds ridiculous and if I was reading my post as an outsider would probably respond with something similar. I think my guilt stems from being brought up where dad worked and mum stayed at home to do the whole housewife thing (and was amazing at it). However I wanted a career and love my job but have gone part time for practical and financial reasons. My mum died just before i got pregnant with DC1. Its not until now that I realise how hard she must have had it with 4 DC (but never showed it) and I feel I feel guilty for going to work in general and not giving my DC the privelage of having a SAHM. But I don't want to be a SAHM if that makes sense.

There's no point sending them to childcare if you're not going to make the most of it

We all deserve a nice day off, some peace and quiet and just to generally do what we want.

Please have a nice day

Loopytiles

To a degree - but its fallen on deaf ears. He isn't very understanding. I did try talking to him last week but his response is we've got 3 kids of course its hard and do you think i like working these sorts of hours? He could look for another job but doesnt. I will be pro active in assisting with this. It started as a 5 day stint 2 years ago escalated from there.

Thank you all for replying. I am going to have the day to myself, pjs, bath, snacks and Jeremy Kyle . . . Please dont judge

I’ve never done this due to guilt but honestly just DO IIIIIT! It will be good for you. I’m jealous

You absolutely, totally, well and truly deserve that day.

Plan well and do stuff you will feel smug at having done when you think back.

Includes, but not limited to: lying on the sofa doing chuff all, having a bath with bubbles, candles and play list on in the background, giving yourself a mani/pedi and face mask; wandering around the house listlessly whilst munching on biscuits, putting on terrible music and dancing badly to it...

Enjoy it!

Your DH’s choices and attitude is a problem then. You are WoH and doing the bulk of the parenting. Unfair.

His working hours must have pay offs for him: he has choices.

Short term - enjoy your day off with no guilt!

Long term - I agree with pp you need to talk seriously, and not in a competitive tiredness way - with your dh. you're two equals in a partnership and you're not especially happy with how things are at the moment. That needs addressing imo - have a proper talk when you're both free and not knackered and see what you can do t rebalance things so everyone is happier.

Absolutely not. I work part time but on my days off I've also arranged DS to go nursery just once a week (I spend time with him 3 days a week so we get some bonding) so that I can just relax and be able to run errands without dealing with a tantrum toddler! You need this rest. Do not feel guilty at all x