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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Motherhood

23 replies

QuickNC123 · 15/08/2018 21:00

AIBU to think it lonely. Desperately lonely. I’m self employed. Probably doesn’t help. Don’t have many friends. One. Possibly two. Very small family. Most estranged (mostly a good thing).

Beginning to think it’s me. Maybe I’m an awful person that no one wants to be around.

I’m quite interesting. Intelligent. Have interests.

I’ve honestly never felt as lonely 🙄

OP posts:

Deshasafraisy · 15/08/2018 21:06

I’m in the same boat. I’m just trying to be happy with my own company

LokiBear · 15/08/2018 21:06

I hear you. Mat leave was very lonely. Im happiest as a working mum but I teach so my work brings me into contact with people. The positives: they get older, more interesting and being away from them to do something that interests you. In the meantime, are there any clubs you could join? Mum and baby groups maybe? It isnt you, lots of mums feel the same.

Original poster

QuickNC123 · 15/08/2018 21:06

I used to love it! But hate it now for some reason. Maybe because I won’t work full time 🤔 and with other people.

OP posts:

Bananarama12 · 15/08/2018 21:07

I am feeling exactly the same today! I said to my partner earlier 'I don't think people actually like me'.
I really enjoy my own company but when you add a child to the mix I think I'm just desperate for another adult to talk to!

LokiBear · 15/08/2018 21:07

*its easier to be away from them ^

CloudCaptain · 15/08/2018 21:11

Me too. I'm the one who has to do all the chasing and work to keep a 'friendship' going. Usually I like my own company but sometimes it would be nice to have someone think of me.

mumofone234 · 15/08/2018 21:12

How old are your child(ren)? I do think it’s quite lonely sometimes. One of the best things I did was bite the bullet, get through the initial awkwardness, and go to a mother and baby group when DS was young. After I settled in, it became a lifeline. Although obviously that won’t be relevant if your children are older.

WooYa · 15/08/2018 21:12

I'm exactly the same. I talk to one person a day (DH) and DS who just blows raspberries. I'm going back to work really early because I can't cope being alone all of the time x

Merryoldgoat · 15/08/2018 21:13

I’ve been crying today because I’m so lonely. It’s really hard.

Racecardriver · 15/08/2018 21:14

Same boat. Haven't managed to make mummy friends and its difficult to maintain old friendships when you have children. I still have my old friends but I barely ever see them iyswim. I don't mind it though.

Original poster

QuickNC123 · 15/08/2018 21:15

Yeah I cried today too. It bothers me most that my children have very few people
To play with. And I blame myself.

OP posts:

LokiBear · 15/08/2018 21:17

My eldest is 7 and I never managed to make mummy friends. Motherhood can be very isolating and lonely. I was too socially awkward to go to groups, but my best friend did and has loved them. Dont be like me.

Jixy8731 · 15/08/2018 21:21

Get yourselves to a pnd support group! You will all be having the same experience and that bonds you, and you don’t need to fake mum happiness if you are not feeling, indeed you can be blunt about how you are feeling. Juno in Edinburgh is there, and there must be others around the country. If not, start one.

Original poster

QuickNC123 · 15/08/2018 21:25

Jesus. You don’t need to have fucking PND to be lonely FFS.

Why are those two always linked? 🙄

OP posts:

petrifiedprawn · 15/08/2018 21:27

Me too, I have two young school age children and have never felt so lonely in all my life. Summer holidays are harder, I see mummy friends here and there but find the days long. I have no family really, I look at mums/friends i know with their own mums and sisters and think how lovely it must be having them. I believe it takes a village to raise a child/children but it's just me and my husband really (a couple of close friends). I'd love to have a village

Rockandrollwithit · 15/08/2018 21:32

I have two boys, one is four and the other is 11 months. With my oldest I didn't manage to make friends with other mums - went to a few groups but I just wasn't very good at meeting others. We know a few parents of his preschool friends as acquaintances now which is nice.

My youngest has a health condition and that's been really isolating and lonely. It makes it harder to relate to other mums. I did try to go to a baby group - went once and the other mums were worrying about injection after effects when I was worrying about an upcoming surgery and I found myself getting angry. I wasn't angry at them or judging them at all (I had been that mum first time around) but the added health issues have made me much lonelier. I feel like my concerns and worries are so different from other mums and I get frustrated about how unfair it all is. I got to a point when I would rather not interact with other mums at all.

OP I think loneliness is very very common whatever the reason for it. You are not alone.

ethelfleda · 15/08/2018 21:44

I'm on mat leave now and I do feel very lonely at the minute. It's very isolating and sometimes thankless I saw my friend yesterday evening and I chewed her ear off for 2 hours straight poor woman

I think it's because I'm 9 months in and have no family close by who can baby sit and I'm starting to feel the strain now.
Obviously I love my son dearly but I am feeling the need to do something for myself now! I have been looking in to doing an evening course at the local college but I have no child care while the course is running so I probably won't be able to do it.

I feel so very down and rejected at the moment.

ethelfleda · 15/08/2018 21:46

Yeah I cried today too

Me too!

LemonysSnicket · 15/08/2018 22:23

Try the friendship app mush, it's to help lonely mums make friends

LokiBear · 15/08/2018 23:26

Yoy absolutely do need to do something for yourself. Do it! Enjoy it and do not allow yourself to feel guilty. Valuing yourself does not make you a bad mum. Infact, it makes you a great example to your kids.

PodgeBod · 15/08/2018 23:44

Yes, I feel like a failure because I don't have mummy friends to hang out with. Only blessing is I have the 2 kids so they can fight play together. Sad thing is I have really tried to make friends, including mush, but don't seem to click with people.

NotMyFinestMoment · 16/08/2018 00:34

I'm feeling the same way. I always kept a small circle of close friends. Fell out with a couple (one a betrayal and another a major difference of opinion) and tonight I've come to the realisation that the one who has betrayed me is sneakily turning another one against me. So feeling rather down too. I find motherhood lonely and isolating but more so having a special needs child and being a single parent, as it seems to isolate you even more. At the moment there is no possibility of returning to work on the horizon because of caring responsibilities/medical appointments. So I feel your pain (and that of the others on this thread). I really do.

Raffles1981 · 16/08/2018 06:50

Oh my goodness. I thought it was just me! I went back to work when my son was nine months old and it made a difference. But I have only managed to make a couple of friends. I tried to casually arrange a lunch date on my birthday. Nothing. It is definitely a lonely time. The last time I took my step daughter to the train station, she went back to uni, I sobbed in the kitchen. Loneliness sucks.

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