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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bullying at work

26 replies

Heavensabove3005 · 15/08/2018 20:42

Has anyone on here ever felt bullied at work? No hr so kind of stuck where to go from here? Meant to be back in tomorrow but honestly can't face it.

OP posts:

Hidillyho · 15/08/2018 20:44

Do you have anyone senior you can speak with?

Sparklesocks · 15/08/2018 20:45

What sort of thing are you dealing with OP? Is there someone you trust you can confide in? Can you make a log of incidents?

OverCapacity · 15/08/2018 20:46

Can you pull your manager to the side and speak to them? Or even have a word with HR maybe and see if they can offer any advice / help?

HoleyCoMoley · 15/08/2018 20:47

Yes, lots of us, is it something specific you feel is going on, is it a small company, how long have you been working there. If it's really upsetting you at the moment and you have no one at work you feel you can discuss it with you can take the day off sick, you must look after yourself. We're here if you want to chat.

Original poster

Heavensabove3005 · 15/08/2018 20:53

It started off titr for tat bitching and now it's people refusing to talk to me..it's really getting me for, I'm going to start looking for something else but hate going In the meantime.

OP posts:

HoleyCoMoley · 15/08/2018 20:57

People being deliberately ignored is a form of bullying, what was all the tit for tat stuff about.

ilovesooty · 15/08/2018 21:01

Make a record of what has happened in the first instance - dates, people present etc, as accurately as you can remember it.
You really need to discuss this with your line manager.
Exclusion is bullying and your employer has a duty of care to you.
You are worthy of respect. Please stay safe.

Original poster

Heavensabove3005 · 15/08/2018 21:05

Just you haven't done this she forgot to do this..silliness.. I will definitely start recording everything thank you.

OP posts:

HoleyCoMoley · 15/08/2018 21:09

Yes, do keep records of what people say and do that affects you, don't let it upset you too much if you can, some professions seem to have a lot of problems with bullying, healthcare is terrible.

Original poster

Heavensabove3005 · 15/08/2018 21:13

Thank you..Yes I'm in healthcare so that's spot on..I don't understand how people can affect someone the way they have and be happy with themselves..I'm.not sleeping and wake up everyday with a knot in my stomach.

OP posts:

HoleyCoMoley · 15/08/2018 21:31

Carehome by any chance? The nhs has its fair share of bullies too, it's so upsetting when people who are supposed to care about others can be such nasty bullies. Sometimes it's just because your face doesn't fit, don't let them ruin your career, there are loads of healthcare jobs around and not all of them employ idiots.

BlackberryandNettle · 15/08/2018 22:16

Healthcare - not surprised to hear that, sorry to say op. I've definitely experienced this. Good luck and I hope you're soon out of there.

RocknRolla · 15/08/2018 22:30

Not in healthcare but I experienced bullying at work to the point I couldn’t face going in ended up going to GP and getting signed off with work related stress. I had spoken to my manager previously and she hadn’t done anything so went and spoke to GP and they signed me off ended up being off for 6 months but it gave me time to sort myself out and find another job. Hope things improve for you op.

Wheretheresawill1 · 15/08/2018 23:05

Could have written this myself tonight. Nhs. So subtle but the same girl always seems involved. She bitches about everyone behind their back. Got told today she’s been bitching about me. She’s alienated me from my friendship group and I seem like the bad person. Got to the point I look at rota to see if she’s working. As I say it’s subtle. Dreading work tomorrow

CSIblonde · 16/08/2018 02:30

Gov.UK & ACAS website will tell you how to raise a written Grievance as well as your rights & stuff re tribunals etc. Log everything, but don't expect HR to be onside. My HR were put up & shut up, til I Googled employment law on Maternity & Bullying & found their policies on both were 10 years out of date. Revenge is a dish best served cold: I took them to tribunal for HR Manager demanding I attend a meeting when I was bleeding & on bed rest. I won.

CSIblonde · 16/08/2018 02:37

Oops, sorry, as you have no HR (I assume no HR at any Head Office either?) I'd start with 'Grievance' letter to your Line Manager. Good luck.

greyallover · 16/08/2018 03:21

I was bullied at work by an another woman. I started jotting down everything she said ready for a formal complaint. one day I came into the room and she was chatting with another colleague with my notebook next to them, open on those pages. She'd seen all of it! Never heard a peep out of her after that.

70sShow · 16/08/2018 03:47

Tit for tat bitchiness means you were doing it too.

Them now ignoring you means they're being the professional person in the situation.

How are you being bullied?

Happygolucky009 · 16/08/2018 03:55

Yes, nhs worker and job share person stopped talking to me. I hated going to work on the only day we worked together and I would try to be out of the office to avoid seeing her.

I had disclosed issues to manager, who didn't do anything. In the end, co worker decided to have a meeting with our manager to discuss issues with a particular piece of work(which she should have done, tasked it to me whilst she was on holiday and she didn't like the way I had organised). Anyway I apologised that she hadn't approved of my method, explained why it had been done in such a way and suggested we move on. She refused and said she couldn't and needed to have an open an honest conversation about our working relationship. In essence, it all came out all the snide comments, bitchy behavior and how this had impacted me. She came out a very different person and realised she was bullying me.

We are now friends even though it took years to forgive her!

Happygolucky009 · 16/08/2018 03:58

70sshow I disagree a co worker ignoring you isn't professional, particularly if the staff concerned need to share information.

RebootYourEngine · 16/08/2018 04:03

I have been bullied at work. It was also within the NHS. There are managers that you can report it to. What does tit for that mean, does that mean you were also behaving badly towards this person?

70sShow · 16/08/2018 04:05

How do you suggest that tit for tat bitching is ended?

The OP hasn't said the job is being affected.

'I bitched about them, they bitched about me, now they ignore me' is hardly showing the OP to be the blameless victim in a campaign of harassment.

Original poster

Heavensabove3005 · 16/08/2018 10:15

The tit for tat was nothing to do with me thank you. It was between a group of people I never once got Involved until I was spoken about..I tried to speak to three people to hear their side and this is the result. Thanks though never fails to amaze me how people like to kick people when they're down.

OP posts:

Agentornika · 16/08/2018 10:48

Maybe OP if you give a little more detail in your posts it would help us to advise you?

HoleyCoMoley · 16/08/2018 15:46

This sounds so familiar, I've heard people talking about staff and myself then when you ask what's going on they ignore you, turn it round so you feel excluded and that it's your fault, weak managers who tolerate this behaviour are just as bad.

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