To ask how to help a dear friend with depression?

[BasilFaulty]

Hi all,
I've done a fair bit of googling but wanted to hear from personal experiences as well. I've suffered depression in the past but it was a while ago and was more reactive to a break up etc IYSWIM.

A dear friend and colleague of mine is really struggling at the moment. She's beautiful, amazing at her job (we work in emergency services) and kind, but it's like she's 'lost' somewhere. She's not eating and been sleeping 1-3 hours a night.

We talk a lot and I think I'm helping, I've also sent her the NHS mood assessment tool that GP's do to assess if it's more anxiety or depression related. I'm encouraging her to go to the GP and hopefully she will soon, but we work shifts and it's tough sometimes.

What helped when you were struggling? Is there anything in particular that I may not have thought of?

Any advice would be so gratefully received.

TBH with you, people forever asking 'are you ok' or offering helpful suggestions get on my nerves. Leave me be. I'll ask if I need or require some chivvying along.

Your colleague may feel exactly the same. Has she asked you to offer suggestions?

Yes she has, almost every day.

i disagree with newyear i think someone asking you theese things helps you to realise you are worth sething and your happiness is worth wokring on.

when i was deprssed I was desperate to feel "normal" and scoured the internet or stories of people who felt like me. I think talking about your depression and how you felt and how it was treated my help her open up to you.

*worth something

Thank you "Gareth* that's a good point. I think she feels very alone.

Yes, definitely, sharing about your story without assuming hers is exactly the same. Also, just going round to make her a cup of tea and saying it's fine if she doesn't want to chat much and would she like you to e.g. do some cleaning or get groceries for her. Shifts make it hard, I know, but physically being present with someone makes a huge difference.

When she asks for suggestions, keep mentioning the GP. Also, trying to get some fresh air every day. Even a ten minute walk makes a huge difference. Basic self-care - eating healthy food, washing, keeping the house tidy.

I use Moodscope, which I find helpful for tracking my mood. I was in denial about my depression for ages and finally doing the test and having a GP say it was moderate to severe was actually a huge relief. It's easy to feel like you're making it all up and should be able to pull yourself together. Offer to go with her to the GP (even just to the waiting room) if that would help. I found I had to wait until I was feeling pretty well before I had enough spoons to book a GP appointment, because when I was at my worst I couldn't face it.

Keep talking to her.
Invite her to places, trips out, coffee etc. 90% of the time she will probably say no, but keep asking her still.
Show that you value her and point out her good attributes (in a non creepy way).
Listen, have empathy and compassion and above all, make sure she can talk to you in complete, non judgemental confidence.

Just be there, the first poster may have a point with constant questioning or suggestions, but not when it's done with care and sensitivity. I had a friend who would be OTT about asking and bombarded me with suggestions, and tbh I found it intrusive even though I did know it came from her caring and not having experienced it herself, she didn't know what to do. If I'd had a broken leg she'd have known what needed to be done and done it, but with depression she was out of her depth.
I found a bit of comfort in my sister saying that she hated seeing me suffer and wanted to help, but didn't know how but was willing to try anything I wanted. She came to appointments with me, and just listened as I ranted or cried, without offering suggestions on how to 'fix' each point.
Everyone experiences and deals with depression differently. And I found I dealt with it much better when it was a reaction to a situation, I could work through that. What I have always struggled with is when it just takes hold with no particular trigger - I feel like it's my fault then. So lots of reassurance that it's absolutely not your friends fault, and that you'll help her to fight it in any way you can. Little things lifted me and kept me going, someone sending me a text with a picture they thought would make me laugh, or one friend dropped round with a little cushion she bought because she said it reminded her of me, it has a lovely friendship quote on. These little things helped me to see that I may be lonely, but not alone. I could choose to isolate myself, but people still cared.
Good on you for wanting to help, so many people don't.

Thank you bus

Time to Change website has some really helpful stuff, OP, for those supporting. It's lovely that you're there for her. I think the GP is a must, and hopefully they can link her to professional help.

Do you have an Employee Assistance Programme at work?

ACAS (see website) maybe of some use, and MIND may give you some pointers.

Being there and asking 'how can I help?', is invaluable. I hope she gets better soon.