....to tell child's mum how she was behaving?

[queenjosephine]

Hi all
Just in two minds about this - your advice would be helpful!
Did a play date swap with another mum from the school and her five year old spent the day with us yesterday.
Always noticed her child has a 'string willed' personality and another mum mentioned she had to speak to the teacher about the girl bullying her child.
All was ok for the first hour then I noticed the girl was being very bossy with my daughter.
In the first three hours I had to be increasingly assertive and then we met up and went to the beach with friends who have twins the same age.
The girl started to shout aggressively at all three children and stormed off every time they didn't do what she wanted. She was unable to share anything and very rude.
I got a bit cross and took her away for a chat . I told her we would be heading home and she burst into tears saying she was so lonely and nobody ever wanted to play with her. I highlighted her behaviour and told her it was unacceptable and perhaps others didn't want to play because she was not being very kind.
After that she was fine - her mum picked her up and asked if she'd 'been good'
I changed the subject but thinking now I would like to know if my daughter was behaving like that and wondering if I should say something ? We have kids over for play dates and sleepovers a lot. Have never seen a 5 year old behave like this.
What would you do? 🤔

I wouldn't say anything. The little girl is 5 and just learning social interactions. She took on board your feedback and played well after that. That's good behaviour in my book.

On reflection I might day something like "she got a but upset at one point but we sorted it out"

You know that if a parent has to ask if their child has "been good" then they usually have had issues before.

That sounds like my DD. I wouldn't mind if you mentioned it because I'm more than aware of how bossy she can be and how she gets if children don't do exactly what she wants. There is no way her mum doesn't know what her DD is like trust me!

You sound like you handled it perfectly though.

DS asked a boy from his class for tea - they were both 8. The said child behaved very badly. I told him mum. Invitation was never returned, DS is no longer particularly matey with the boy, thankfully. I think DS had his eyes opened a bit. I guess it all depends on how much you value your friendship with the parents, or your child’s with the visiting child. In our case, I didn’t know the family and DS had never seen the child out of school, so we had nothing to lose. I wasn’t rude to the boy’s mother, but factual.

I think if she comes over again and acts up I would say something but for now I would leave it you were very kind to her pointing out how to play nicely what a shame she feels lonely but I guess her bossiness has been ignored .

I agree with longestlurkerever. I’d something like, ‘there was a bit of quarrelling and a few tears but we sorted it and then they played nicely.’
I usually don’t say anything if a friend is a handful or bossy. However, since she was crying, you don’t want her telling her mum that you shouted and she was crying without giving some kind of explanation.

You changed the subject when she asked if
her DD had been good. I think then she
knows there have been issues.

In this case no I wouldn't. You handled it perfectly.

I think your conversation would have done the child a great favour - if her behaviour improved she obviously took on board with you said.

^^. What Garden said. Well done OP!

Another who agrees with garden

People often don't realise that socially awkward kids come across as overbearing as they put more effort into mixing and being included.

My ds has autism and is the most passive and quiet kid you could meet - until he tries to co verse with his peers! Then he comes across as bossy and dominant because he needs to keep the interactions going in a way he can understand!

Sounds like you really helped this girl understand her role in the disputes and solve them.

If it's a case that you think the girl will say "X mummy told me off because xxxxx" then I'd mention you'd had a chat because their were friendship difficulties but her DD was great at sorting it herself after.

I'd want to know if she was my daughter

However I think you handled it really well with your chat

I would want to know if it was my child but please be gentle, tactful and understanding.
As a parent of a child who struggles hugely with social interaction, how friendships work and anxiety I know how it feels when you are doing everything you can but nothing seems to be working.

I am sure the mother is aware. I would mention it though to cover for future play dates. I'd say there was a few sharing issues but we managed to sort them with a wry smile. I wouldn't say your child acted like a brat at some points

I've learnt the hard way by grinning and getting on with it, Ime most kids like this do not change throughout childhood, until there much older and see people do not like them and even then.

Thanks all
Wasn't expecting any replies!
Thanks for the support.
I like the girls mum & feel I will say something but as suggested will just keep it lighthearted