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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH to stop 'liking' these pictures on fb?

58 replies

Icecreamapples · 15/08/2018 08:21

There is a school mum on facebook who both DH and I are fb 'friends' with. She regularly post pics and updates of her and her 2 dd and DS (she is single).

I occasionally 'like' or comment on a cute picture of the kids etc and so do the other school mums. However I've been noticing that dh has been doing this all the time and must admit to feeling a little embarrassed about it. If I saw a random school dad and somebody's husband always liking and commenting on this woman's posts, amongst a sea of women and school mums, I'd think it was a little odd.

I don't want to say anything directly to dh as he doesn't have a lot of friends and so tends to jump on people even if they only make passing conversation with him a couple of times.

Advice please Smile

OP posts:
Juells · 15/08/2018 09:06

she’s a bit uncomfortable with his liking, and wants you to know that it isn’t reciprocated!

Yes, I'd think that's being signalled as well. She's definitely noticed it's happening!

Laiste · 15/08/2018 09:07

he has a tendency to jump on people and assume that that means their best friends. She never ever likes any of his posts, but she does like mine.

Well, if you really think his judgement is off and he's looking a bit silly then perhaps you should say something. Have you had to mention anything like this to him before? You could say something like ''DH, had you noticed that [woman] never likes any of your posts back? It's looking a little bit sad/cirngy/odd now''. ??

Anonymumm · 15/08/2018 09:07

I'll be honest and say, I totally get where you are coming from OP.

You are probably wondering why he is paying so much attention to her - though I think it's kind of answered in your original post, he doesn't have many friends and clings to people a bit, he is also maybe giving her sympathy likes and comments, flipping the single bit on its head a bit, you maybe unbeknownst perceive her as a threat, moreover, you are maybe wondering/worrying how others are interpreting this within the joy of the school playground circle, and your friends, as others have mentioned, some people are just a bit unaware of FB etiquette (like my friend who used to write things that should have been sent in messenger, or via text, all over my FB wall - great to know that her recent bout of cystitis has cleared up but my friends don't need to know this, or my SIL who tags her boyfriend in racy posts and whom I believe is completely oblivious to the fact that everyone on her friends list, from me to the A to Z of her family can see them - I don't really need to know if coffee isn't the only thing that gets her boyfriend up in the morning, nor see the scantily clad woman holding a cafetière accompanying it)

I think it's innocent, slightly socially naive behaviour - I would just be open and honest, say you know it's innocent and done with best of intentions but you are a little concerned as to how others would interpret it and would he mind holding back on the comments and just sticking with the (sympathy) likes.

I'll perhaps take some of my own advice and go message my SIL, ha, ha!

Original poster
Icecreamapples · 15/08/2018 09:08

Fabulous tomatoes - To be fair he just reshares things, nothing personal most of the time. I post pics of the children etc

OP posts:
Anonymumm · 15/08/2018 09:11

To be fair, I think everyone's reading a bit much into the reciprocated likes, etc. Perhaps she doesn't 'follow' him, perhaps she doesn't run down the list of who has liked her posts, I think there's a danger of overanylysing things here, but that's another one of the joys of social media I guess

BounceAndJump · 15/08/2018 09:11

My DP doesn't know any of the school mums, but people he knows with similar aged children he'll always click like on. The same as when he posts about the DC its usually the same people who like it (mostly women and a few dads).

Its just a way of saying you've seen the post really!

Original poster
Icecreamapples · 15/08/2018 09:15

To be fair, if you really did fancy somebody you wouldn't make it so obvious would you? Surely you would do the opposite and not like and comment on anything?Grin

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 15/08/2018 09:15

Facebook stalking huh Hmm

Juells · 15/08/2018 09:22

Do a little test - if you can access his laptop, make her an acquaintance of his, rather than a friend. See if he notices. 😁

Oldraver · 15/08/2018 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saracen · 15/08/2018 09:29

YABU. It's just a like. It only takes a moment for him to click on it. People will just assume he is one of those people who likes everything which comes up on his news feed, just to be nice. Everybody knows that some FB users aren't clued up on all the ins and outs of it. You're overthinking this.

It isn't as if he were posting suggestive comments to her, and it sounds like you have no concerns that he is flirting with her. Don't worry so much about what other people might think based on overenthusiastic "likes".

Anonymumm · 15/08/2018 09:32

@Icecreamapples - exactly - I don't think for a second he fancies her

ThinksTwice · 15/08/2018 09:36

I never understand fb and how people and how it's "etiquette " to not "like" or comment on someone's post. If you accept someone as a friend then surely you expect them to "like" your posts.

This is why I have few friends on there by choice and don't just add everyone to be "nice" because the people I do have wouldn't find it weird or creepy if I comment or like a post.

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 15/08/2018 09:36

So does he like other people's post this much, or is it just her? I think this is the crux as to whether YABU.

aaarrrggghhhh · 15/08/2018 09:51

Sure. Men shouldn't be included in social interactions resulting from school interactions. Only women should be. Men should be in the office earning the money.

FFS.

BrokenWing · 15/08/2018 10:00

All you have to do is say in jokey manner "DH! you need to stop liking this woman's posts - everyone will think you fancy her!"

Do people seriously check and come to the conclusion a married man must fancy someone based on Fb likes?

Op you are over thinking this.

SomeKnobend · 15/08/2018 10:00

Have you posted about this before?

What did he say when you told him last time?

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2018 10:03

Now...I'd wonder what the hell a man was doing trawling through some random woman's FB page examining her photos. You have a gut, listen to it.

Except that's not at all what the OP has said, so with a 'gut' like that, listening is probably the last thing she should do.

It's perfectly possible to like posts that simply come up on your news feed.

Original poster
Icecreamapples · 15/08/2018 10:04

Some knob end - no, I haven't posted before. This is only a recent thing.

OP posts:
70sShow · 15/08/2018 10:05

"You have a gut, listen to it."

Some of us like to use our brains.

Whisky2014 · 15/08/2018 10:06

Oh all the cool wives are here i see. I think he sounds like a creep op. He's creeping on this woman and no other woman.

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2018 10:09

I love Mumsnet

Anyone who isn't insecure or jealous, simply has to be a 'cool wife'.

Original poster
Icecreamapples · 15/08/2018 10:11

Seriously though, if I fancied one of the school dad's I wouldn't be liking and commenting where my dh and everyone from school could see. Right?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/08/2018 10:15

OP I'm confused about this....

If I saw a random school dad and somebody's husband always liking and commenting on this woman's posts, amongst a sea of women and school mums, I'd think it was a little odd.

But then you go on to say he doesn't have any other school mums on his friend list?

So it's not odd is it? I mean it's not like he's singling her out amongst a 'sea of women and school mums'?

Original poster
Icecreamapples · 15/08/2018 10:17

Worra, he doesn't have any school mums on his list. I mean the school mums are her friends liking her posts.

OP posts:
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