To think DM has made a rod for her own back

[lastqueenofscotland]

My mum has just called me in tears over my sister.
She had always been impossibly spoilt and this has carried on to adulthood.
She chopped and changed uni course 2/3 times “forgetting” to apply for finance so my DM just paid. Bought her mac books/paid for her phone contract through uni (didn’t do this for me or my other sister who got loans/jobs etc!)
Since she left she has refused to get a job because she can’t find anything she is passionate about and just works at a pub occasionally for a friend. Every time anyone suggested anything she would just dramatically sulk that she couldn’t afford it until my DM said she’d pay for her.
It was her 26th birthday at the weekend and my DM has said enough is enough and she’s not funding it anymore as she’s retiring next month and can’t afford to.
Que a massive ongoing row... apparently it’s not fair and DM should help her get to the same level as me (own a modest 2up 2 down house, a car and can afford to live simply but comfortably without worrying about money) but I’ve had a job since I was 14 apparently my mum should get my sister to this level.
My mum is devastated that she is such an entitled little shit (her words not mine)... but AIBU to think that anyone with any common sense would have seen this coming ages ago?!

Yes she has, she should have cut her off years ago to stand on her own two feet.

If you did all sit down together, would your sister listen or storm out?

There are often threads on here about lazy late teens who left education and are doing nothing but your sis is 26 with a degree!! If I was your mother, I would start a timetable counting down to her retirement and making it clear that she was moving to a one bed to cut down on costs and that you sister had to move out, get a job and fund herself.

I say again - 26!!! If you took a straw poll on here, I am willing to bet there would be tons of people that age married with kids, a mortgage and a job (or two)!!

Wow! Your Mum enabled this behaviour and now bitches about the inevitable outcome. Don’t enable your mothers attempts to be the victim of her piss poor parenting. Smile and nod (while muttering ‘I blame the Parents’ under your breath).

If sister lives with DM does she charge rent or bills ? Will your DM be unable to retire, because she will still be working to fund someone who is younger and fitter and able to work, because that may become the reality.

I think that parents can sometimes do this in a mistaken attempt to keep the peace and stop everything from kicking off between siblings. It is a mistake, but one born of a desire to keep things on an even keel.

Your mum now needs to stick to her guns and not fund anything else. Your sister will ultimately have to learn to stand on her own two feet. Of course it’s exasperating for you, as you have been aware that this will happen for some time. I’d say, just help your mum to stay strong. And if it means your sister has to get off her backside, that’s a good thing. She needs to start to realise that the world does not owe her a living and that your mum will soon be adjusting to a very different way of life. She needs all the support you can offer, to stay strong and you need to be strong to resist your sister too.

I suppose this time your sister's demand is so outrageous, your mum is having to face up to the fact the previous help she's given her has ending up with this.

I can see how your mum got manipulated into paying for the university costs, and she was probably hoping once your sister graduated she'd move out settle into a career.

I'm assuming there's no way your mum will end up signing over her property.

You are absolutely right, OP. This was coming since the first time your mum gave into demands or gave your sister shortcuts. Parents do this all the time and then wonder why their children turn into boundary pushing, entitled brats - I find it exasperating! My aunts have both been bailed out numerous times by my gran. But she never bailed mum out. Mum didn't need it because she didn't run up tons of debt and she worked hard and saved. Now they think they're entitled to have all of the money and the bungalow (which both aunts live in) in grans will when she goes. And they still get gran to pay for holidays etc. Even though one of them has a well paying job. It disgusts me. Sorry, I'm going off on a tangent. But YANBU at all. I plan on cutting contact with both my aunts after gran has gone, perhaps you can cut contacts with your sister.

DerelictWreck

Oh dear. And I would bet a great deal of money that your sister did remember to apply for financing but has spent it...

The sense of entitlement seems so strong, I'd be inclined to agree.