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AIBU?

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Original poster

What have I done wrong

15 replies

Mummyearth2018 · 15/08/2018 00:17

Growing up I had a very close relationship with my sister. She is 5 years younger than me and although it is a gap it was never an issue.
She has recently had a baby and she has detached herself from me and won't tell me anything. She has sent me a picture of the baby but she said I can't go see her yet as she wants alone time with baby. I would respect that usually but when other people have been "allowed" to see her I can't help but think she just doesn't want me or my family.

My sister has done something with facebook which means I can't see what she's doing or any pictures.

This has caused me some embarrassment over recent months as friends are telling me how well she looks and I just nod and smile as people think we are really close.

I don't know what to do.
My head is telling me to cut all ties as it's clear that she doesn't want me included. My heart is telling me something different.
I have my children to think about and while they are asking to see the baby, I can't keep putting them off forever.

It is making me feel very ill and I'm suffering sleepless nights. What should I do?

has just had a baby and she has told me

OP posts:
ReasonableLlama · 15/08/2018 00:21

Have you approached your sister to ask? How old is the baby?

AssassinatedBeauty · 15/08/2018 00:23

You don't have to cut all ties. You can keep doing what you're doing now which is waiting for her to come back to you. I agree you should probably ask her if she can explain what the issue is and why she doesn't want to see you.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/08/2018 00:25

Have you asked your sister what's wrong as she seems to have blocked you on FB and you're aware she's letting other people visit but not you?

Is there a parent who might have insight?

When was the last time you spoke properly in comparison to the birth?

ThinkingCat · 15/08/2018 00:27

As you are the older sister and have two children already, is it possible she sees you as a bit dominating and maybe she thinks you will be telling her how to look after the baby?

Is she happy in her relationship with the baby's father?

notdaddycool · 15/08/2018 00:28

Are there family members or family friends who can have a chat with her?

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 15/08/2018 00:33

I'd be inclined to just drop her a text is she in over weekend for you and dc to call in to see niece or even better ring her if she has the same response there's something going on, how old is the baby

Birdsgottafly · 15/08/2018 00:33

My middle DD has distanced herself from my Eldest. My eldest still sees her as her baby Sister and won't give her the respect as an Adult and Mother, that she deserves.

How were things during her pregnancy?

PamsterWheel · 15/08/2018 00:35

Do you think she might have PND? Perhaps in her eyes you are a perfect mum, she may be struggling with her firstborn and not be able to allow you to see this?

It's very odd that she won't allow you to see her or the baby if you haven't had a falling out. What do your parents say?

Watchingtheworldgoby · 15/08/2018 00:38

Something happened either you did or said something that has hurt her. Think back.
If you honestly can't lay your finger on it, then email her and ask her to explain.
The fact that you are talking about 'cutting all ties' without doing this shows that she may be thinking the exact same thing about you.

Ohyesiam · 15/08/2018 00:40

What does she say when you ask her?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 15/08/2018 00:42

Obviously I don't know (and nor do any of us on here), so the best advice is for you to ask her straight out why.

This is just a suggestion, and please don't take it as rude. But if you have an established family with children and she has just had a baby, is it possible there's something about your parenting that she doesn't want to emulate for her children/as a parent so is backing away from you. EG, if you're a smoker and she doesn't want that around her baby? Perhaps something like that?

ShumpaLumpa · 15/08/2018 00:44

Any rivalry between you? Or jealousy from childhood? Were you seen as the prettier/more clever one?

If she is singling you out for this treatment and you otherwise get on, I'd say she resents you, which usually carries over from childhood.

FrogFairy · 15/08/2018 00:44

You say you were close growing up, but is it possible she thinks you are the Golden Child or feels you bullied her? Sorry, just grasping straws here.
Maybe pregnancy and birth has stirred up something inside her.

Original poster
Mummyearth2018 · 15/08/2018 21:00

Thanks for your thoughts on this.
I am not a smoker but I think a few of you might be on to something.
I didn't ask why she had removed me from facebook because I didn't want to stress her out or have an argument with her being pregnant. I certainly dont feel that I couks do this at the moment either with her being a new mum. The baby is now 4 weeks old.
I'm not the perfect mum but I try my best and that is the kind of sister I have been throughout her life.

OP posts:
Deshasafraisy · 15/08/2018 21:04

You are going to have to be brave and just approach her about it.

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