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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the ‘dad bod’ is ridiculous and a double standard?

47 replies

Chem17 · 14/08/2018 22:50

There’s no equivalent of a ‘mum bod’ - I know dh wouldn’t be happy if I got a beer belly, so why is it ok for men to let themselves go?

AIBU to think this?

OP posts:
JustARandomBloke · 15/08/2018 08:37

I'm not sure who drives these things, but I have a "dad bod", and to be honest I couldn't give a shit whether it is attractive to the masses or not.

I don't go to the gym, but am quite active and care more about being fit and mobile than ripped and toned.

Sadly far too many people, including an awful lot of women, give time, attention, money and clicks that support the body mafia. From glossy magazines to transformation programmes to instagram.

LyndorCake · 15/08/2018 08:39

DH and I both have total dad and mum bods. Mines gone a bit too far past chunky though but his is ace! I like a man who I can go for a run with and enjoy a takeaway (they cancel each other out....right?)

TheHulksPurplePanties · 15/08/2018 08:47

A Dad bod is a healthy body that doesn't meet the ridiculous standards of Hollywood and the fashion/fitness industry. In reality, it, and the mum bod, is what the vast majority of us should have.

JustARandomBloke · 15/08/2018 08:48

Spot on lyndor. Mrs Random has a mum bod and is my perfect woman. I couldn't live with someone who I could enjoy a takeaway with.

Laiste · 15/08/2018 09:00

The "Dad Bod" is a fairly new term used to describe men who are not necessarily out of shape, but not really in shape either. Usually actual dads, though not always, these men have decently toned arms but a "loser" mid-section that lets everyone know they're not afraid to have a beer and a pizza.

So a new term for nothing new then.

rightknockered · 15/08/2018 09:09

There are a hell of a lot of single middle aged men out there with dad bods that feel entitled to a woman (often much younger) with a fit and toned physique.

mistermagpie · 15/08/2018 09:25

DH and I were talking about this in relation to our colleagues (we work together), most of whom are late 30s/early 40s. Pretty much every single man has become a parent and subsequently gained a paunch and double chin (my DH included...) and it's totally fine because it's a 'dad bod' - hahaha Hmm.

The women have all pretty much also had one or more babies, put on a bit of weight as a result but are desperately unhappy about it and variously on slimming world, weightwatchers etc. I'm not sure who is making the women feel inadequate (when it was actually them who, you know, grew the baby) but there is a definite difference.

(Full disclosure, I'm not one of the women above because I'm a bit underweight but I was before I had kids and I still get made to feel inadequate anyway!)

dangermouseisace · 15/08/2018 09:35

I that dad bod was just normal but healthy and not shaving your chest hair off. A normal healthy body, rather than the men’s health 0% fat veiny 6 pack yuk.

GSfordays · 15/08/2018 09:40

@rightknockered is completely right. You can find them on tinder. Usually 35-40 specifying the age range they want in a woman as 20-35 Hmm

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 15/08/2018 10:04

It's more a middle class/posh look though isn't it. Big tall, plays rugby with the kids carries the beer belly well type thing.
As opposed to an older working class dad of five whose obese or dead skinny.

Racecardriver · 15/08/2018 10:05

Well there is a mum tum.

MinaPaws · 15/08/2018 10:08

@JustARandomBloke - I think lots of men think like you but the media present women with a fixed idea that all men want a size 6 waif because aspiring towards the impossible keeps the fashion and beauty and slimming industries alive. DH claims to love my mum bod. I don't. But he loves the extra curves.

MeMyselfand · 15/08/2018 10:10

Take it you aren't a fan of the dad bod then. I prefer it to gym ripped.

If men started putting a label on women that had a bit of extra fat then there would be an uproar.

rightknockered · 15/08/2018 10:29

I'm a size 6, but definitely not a 'waif'. I'm actually quite fit and muscular, and although I don't mind a dad bod, I don't like lazy men either. I'm quite active, and like a rugby player type. But that is just a personal preference. 6-pack men, I agree are a bit of a turn off, not sure why.

SlartiAardvark · 15/08/2018 10:37

I'm not sure who is making the women feel inadequate

Very often it's other women.....

Men don't mind a bit to grab hold of....

SaucyJack · 15/08/2018 10:38

There have always been Dadbods and Mumbods, and adults that still fancy their other halves twenty years down the line.

It’s only a thing now because of hashtags and memeing making putting a snappy label on everything and everyone compulsory.

pastabest · 15/08/2018 11:39

Pretty sure I have a mum tum?
DP definitely has a dad bod.

Neither of use would ever use those phrases in real life though.

Hangingaroundtheportal · 15/08/2018 11:44

Dad bod is used for a bloke in his 30s or 40s who has let himself go slightly, and doesn't have defined muscles, but isn't fat as such.

It's not exactly a compliment but at the same time there is definitely a feeling that having a dad bod is nothing to be ashamed of. It's just one of those things that happens to blokes as they get older so they are quite relaxed about it.

Unfortunately the same leeway doesn't appear to be given to women who, despite carrying humans inside their bodies for 9 months and contending with all manner of hormone changes which cause all sorts of mess up, are still expecting to be 'snapping back' and keeping the same figure at 45 as they did at 20.

RoadToRivendell · 15/08/2018 11:47

I can't understand why you feel that this is a double-standard.

Mum bod, dad bod = love handle-y soft body. Men and women carry weight differently, but the concept is the same.

The vast majority of the population will go the way of the mum and dad bod.

Fjw1972 · 16/02/2023 17:27

That’s totally unfair. Plenty of blokes don’t mind a go on a fat bird.

Jimboscott0115 · 16/02/2023 17:35

Dad bod for men is the equivalent of 'curvy' for women - it's original meaning has been co-opted into something very different by many. Both are meant to mean someone in reasonable shape who likely has a little extra padding but look good for it.

Unfortunately now both terms can mean anything from the above to morbidly obese depending on who says it. I don't think men are judged better than women nowadays if I'm honest and online dating is an obvious example where you see a shed load of 'curvy' women (again, anything from actually curvy to morbidly obese) all after the guy with the muscles and six pack.

Nottodaysausage · 16/02/2023 17:52

I think the female equivalent is 'thicc' based off what my younger colleagues discuss. That's thighs that touch, a big bum, slight tummy.
Sort of she goes to the gym but she'll have a KFC here and there

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