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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say something about her relationship with food?

6 replies

littlemissmanchet · 14/08/2018 22:38

waves hello, long-time lurker here who finally needs some advice of her own.

I'm starting to worry that one of my housemates has an eating disorder. I don't know a whole lot about symptoms but i know there are different types? She isn't being sick or anything but constantly says things and acts in a way that worries me and others living here.

She isn't weighing food or anything but she doesn't really seem to eat and never joins us for a house meal (it's usually something hearty like pasta or stew) she will disappear up to her room with an apple and if she sees any of the rest of us eating during the day gives us what I can only describe as a dirty look. She once saw me go to town on a bag of crisps at a kind of picnic lunch we were having and I laughed and said I had no self-control, then she looked me up and down as if to say 'obviously' - It was a bag of crisps fgs! The really weird thing though I get the feeling she tries to 'sabotage' the rest of us if we're trying to lose weight - that might be me being paranoid though as I do struggle with mine.

She constantly makes excuses to go up and down the stairs like she's 'forgotten' something but it seems like exercise? And if she's asked what she's having for lunch or dinner or whatever says things like 'skip dinner, wake up thinner' and laughs. Her shelf in the fridge is literally just apples and lettuce. She takes a lot of supplements for iron and stuff.

One of our other housemates said she thinks she has anorexia. If you try and challenge her on eating she says things that are to be frank, very nasty about overweight people or even people who aren't but she seems to perceive anyone over a ten as 'fat'. She has said she can't be anorexic because she is 'fat' (she's like a 10-12 maybe?)

What do I do? Try and talk to her more? She's very defensive and tbh everyone else has given up.

OP posts:
Naughty1205 · 14/08/2018 22:40

I lived in a house share a few times, hated having to eat with everyone else. Just wanted to stay up in my room. So that's mainly what I did. Maybe she's an introvert? I'd hate having to all share the same meal around the table after a day at work. Couldn't wait to escape and be on my own.

BeefyCakes · 14/08/2018 22:43

It sounds as though she has some sort of issue with food. But unless she wants help I don't think there's a lot you can do except make sure she knows that she can talk to you about it.

You can lead a horse to water and all that.

Pull her up if she's rude, just because she has an issue with food it doesn't give her a pass to be rude or mean. She doesn't get to be an arsehole.

Goth237 · 15/08/2018 17:37

You challenger her on food and expect her to have a happy response to you? I think you're expecting too much. It's not your business what she eats and definitely not your place to comment on it. Even if she does have an eating disorder, unless she wants to change there is nothing you can do about it. And commenting on it will only make her more conscious and more secretive. Any things she says which are about people being fat if they're over a size 10 (if she has an eating disorder) aren't about you or personal to anyone else in the house. They're words from her disorder and shouldn't be taken personally. But I just wouldn't talk about food to her at all. There is no need.

Daisymalone · 15/08/2018 18:05

Sounds to me like she just has her eyes on the prize. She eats according to the weight she wants to be and I wouldn't worry too much as she clearly isn't underweight or malnourished. Maybe she is misguidedly trying to inspire you with the skip dinner, wake up thinner comments as you have said you struggle with your weight. Same with the disapproving looks when you 'go to town' on a bag of crisps - she's probably thinking why are you doing something counter productive if you're trying to lose weight? I'd just leave her be unless she begins to look ill...

MatildaTheCat · 15/08/2018 18:12

Stop watching her or challenging her about her diet preferences. Maybe she does have an unhealthy relationship with food but your input sure as hell won’t be helping.

Try just being friendly and not discussing food. Maybe suggest eating together occasionally but without any pressure to all eat the same?

If you become genuinely worried she is ill then if at all possible speak with her family or close friends. You don’t sound as if you really know her that well so there may be a back story you don’t know.

Tread lightly.

Daisymalone · 15/08/2018 18:16

OK I just read my comment back and it looks a lot harsher than I intended. It's just that I can see things from the other point of view. I get comments from my workmates on work nights out etc such as you're so skinny, you clearly don't eat etc when I'm a size 8 (and short too so more like a normal person's 10). I just eat healthily and will have a banana on my work break rather than a couple of rounds of white buttered toast and loads of biscuits like they eat (whilst complaining they are overweight) so it does seem like I'm hardly eating in comparison! I'm not saying this is what you do, maybe she is eating properly, just not in front of you.

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