His search history

[sirmione16]

Context - very happy relationship, together over 4 years, pregnant, engaged, own house together, very strong emotionally.

Hence why I think I may be over reacting but need to discuss please /:

He's always been private about his phone/laptop as have I, we don't check in on each other however recently he's been even more so - for instance wouldn't let me borrow his laptop, his phone is faced away from me or face down.... Anyway. Just found search history (by accident, was typing in something that then came up with previously typed searches) and there's a LOT of porn, every day pretty much. Not just that, but he's also using live cam chat sites.... now, here's my issue - back in our first year together, he found out I used to be a cam girl and he was so upset, made me prove I'd deleted it, made me promise over and over that I wasn't about that anymore and wasn't going to do it again etc before he trusted me and we eventually moved on.

Now I feel sick because after all that drama years ago, he's now using them sites - and probably has been throughout the relationship and I guess I just feel betrayed. Multiple searches for one particular model too, which makes me sad.

Maybe I'm hormonal and pregnant, and yes I shouldn't have kept prying but once something comes up, it's hard not to keep following the breadcrumbs. Just feeling shit about myself now... I can't bring it up with him though because I've betrayed his trust by looking, and it's only porn at the end of the day... isn't it?

Please be gentle, I'm young and genuinely adore this man and our life... I just feel seriously crap about it and myself right now /:

Horrible situation, OP. I do think it's gross that men get upset if their partner was a sex worker, but they then use sex workers.
You need to speak to him about it especially as cam girls are not cheap!

@RedPanda2 and I know it, and I know how men get attached to a cam girl, even though it's all sexual - they build a weird sort of relationship with them some times and the fact that he's searched over and over to go to this one girl makes my stomach turn /:

I think it's a "why is he turning to someone else for sexual attraction/gratification instead of me?"

I have no problem with porn (actually I have many problems with it but it's not a dealbreaker if a partner watches it) but cam girls are different as you said, they build a relationship. I'm sorry I can't give you any helfpful advice, it may be a silly phase??

@RedPanda2 thank you for your support x

Wish I could do more. Sounds like you have a good relationship generally so you should speak to him about it. Not easy to do I know

I don't have an issue with porn. But I do have an issue with a partner engaging in sex acts with other women. I don't think it matters if they are on a computer screen or in real life. It's cheating and that is seedy.

I don't like my partner on my phone but he could look at it if he asked. I don't think it is a good sign that your partner is so actively secretive - turning the screen away/refusing to let you borrow the device. To be fair to you - his behavior is shady so you went digging and now you have a body.

Bottom line - is using Cam Girls acceptable to you? If not, make that clear.

I think I would be more concerned about if he is paying for cam shows. Engaged, pregnant and building a life together and him paying for shows can get extremely costly which is why the girls are spending time with him on webcam. You know the world and how it's in the webcam performers interest to keep him paying as long and as often as she can and you clearly had no idea money was being spent this way. I'd want some answers.

How does he pay for it? I presume he pays, sorry never used a cam girl. Would that be a way you could 'find out' without admitting snooping?

In my experience from the other side of the screen, some sites let you have a free account to view non premium members, but you can't interact with the room (can't post or show your cam for instance) so it's possible he's doing that.

Of course; the worst option is that he's paying for chats or showing himself too. The thought of this makes me want to curl up and cry tbh.

There's a switch in his head by the sound of it.

You're his partner, person he loves, carrying a child, engaged to him and everything that goes with it.
Cam girl isn't a person.. just a thing to wank over.

That's why he found it hard that you were one, he couldn't Marr the two things up.. you a person couldn't be a thing on a screen.

I don't think your overreacting at all. Fwiw.

He sounds like he's struggling to see you as a mother and also in a sexual way, so he's turning to other sources for gratification, he probably justifies it because there's no physical contact. I don't think YABU

Maybe he's been using the sites waaay before you got into the picture. He panicked and realised that he might get caught if he encounters you on the sites so he made sure you'll never go on them so he can carry on indulging. Don't take any blame for his behaviou . There might be more to this than he's ever willing to admit. He's the liar not you!

These replies have lowered my heart rate to neutral, thank you all