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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to expect more from life?

5 replies

ThatOneIsTaken · 14/08/2018 19:50

Hi, new here and looking for some sound advice. Feel that I've come to a dead end and really don't know where to go from here.

Married for 15 years, in my early 40s, 3 children, all school age and doing well etc etc. And that's where the nice stops really.

Used to have a well-paid, rewarding job I loved but my career fell apart for reasons that are irrelevant to this discussion (we're talking years ago now and it was all due to other people's failings not mine). I've remained in the same field since, but doing occasional work particularly as the children were pre-schoolers. OH earns three times what I do but has insanely long hours that sometimes takes her away for short periods. She's just taken ££££ borrowing for more qualifications so she can move up the ladder. We need more money and this will help her to secure it so in principle I have no problem with this.

For me, though, I'm in a rut. Work in my field is hard to come by and really I want out as I've lost the career and ended up doing bitty work which isn't rewarding any more. There are things I'd like to do, but it always needs more training or qualifications - which we can't afford, not now. I have literally no friends - I never did find making friends easy in life, ever, and my efforts in recent years have always come to nothing. With all the kids at school, every week is long and lonely. The relationship with my OH is good, though physical contact is sporadic and rarely at my instigation (not for lack of trying!). I seem to spend huge parts of the each week doing meaningless chores and errands because someone has to and there is noone else to.

I just can't see any way out really and it's beginning to get me down. I'm starting to think maybe this is how it is meant to be and that I shouldn't expect more... but I dunno.

OP posts:
Sarahandduck18 · 14/08/2018 20:35

Are you looking for justification for having an affair?

ThatOneIsTaken · 14/08/2018 21:29

Like I said, I was looking for 'sound' advice, not a stupid comment.

OP posts:
ThinkingCat · 14/08/2018 21:42

You need to set yourself some meaningful and achievable goals in all areas of your life!

Momo27 · 14/08/2018 21:44

Yanbu to expect more from life.

But you need to make things happen. Start small. Do you have a hobby, or could you develop a hobby which could get you out and about and meeting people?

What about volunteering?

And although money is tight now, make a plan for the retraining you’re interested in. Your OH may currently earn a lot more but that’s no reason to give up on your work life. You’re in your early 40s - loads of working years ahead of you.

When you’re both working, you’ll just have to share the domestic stuff more equally- which will be good for your relationship

I can well believe that with all the kids in school, spending your days doing mundane household tasks is pretty mind numbing. Those things will still need doing when you’re back working BUT at least you can justifiably outsource the boring stuff- and as I say, share the rest. At the moment it’s defaulting to you, which isn’t unreasonable because you’re home all week with kids in school- but it’s not a very fulfilling life for you.

You can’t change everything overnight but set yourself some goals and take small steps towards them

Dollymixture22 · 14/08/2018 21:48

I think everyone has periods in their lives when they aren’t as happy or satisfied as they want to be.

You need to change something - even something small - for yourself. Could you take up a sport or join a running club? Meet some new friends and get some time to your self every week?

This could give you some time to think things through career wise and make some medium term plans.

Also talk to your wife - explain how you feel. It will get better, it’s just a rut.

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