to ask posters to consider stopping saying ‘report it’ or ‘you need to report this’

[chestylarue52]

There’s a lot of reasons why some women might not want to get police involved. There’s many circumstances where the police don’t make things better. Lots of women have had really shocking experiences with the police - that made them feel worse than the crime itself.

If someone says they’ve been raped, for example. Victim Support, Rape Crisis, sexual violence services - none of these places would tell a woman she must report it. They’d tell her it’s her choice and both choices are valid and in her control.

Please think before you post.

YABU.

In what way?

Even the NHS agrees you shouldn’t try and convince someone to report a rape to the police...

YADNBU in the case of rape. I'd support a friend wanting to,but I would never pressure them or assume it the way forward. I've seen what happens to the victim when you do. I definitely wouldn't do that to myself.
As advice though,with no added pressure i think it's fine. It offers it as an option,it reassures the victim that what happened to her is serious and it is a crime.
I never understand when posters on here get angry or aggressive if someone refuses to report or has second thoughts .

Oh and the emotional blackmail gives me absolute rage.
"You have to report to stop him doing it to someone else"
" can you live with yourself if he does it again"
"You have to stop him"
"Think of the other girls/women"

Just..fuck off putting more guilt,responsibility and pressure on the victim.

Can you post a link to where the NHS tells women to not report a rape or a sexual assault?!

That’s clearly not what I said, Katielouise3. I said they tell you not to try and convince someone to report a rape.

Respect their decisions – for example, whether or not they want to report the assault to the police.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/#supporting-a-victim-of-sexual-assault

That’s exactly what I mean @ShadowCatt

I reported my rape to the police and they more or less shrugged and said ‘we can’t do anything about that’. I died a little inside that day. It didn’t stop him from doing it again to me, or I’d guess, anyone else.

@katielouise3
www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/#supporting-a-victim-of-sexual-assault

Throughout the whole thing it says "if you decide to report" and in the advice for family/friends section it says "support wether they decide to report or not". Help,support and services are offered regardless of reporting.
The choice lies with the victim,that's not the same as saying "don't report it", it also isn't the same as "you have to report ".

@chestylarue52 sorry for cross posting and for what happened to you

This is all kinds of wrong imo.

Totally support ensuring a poster knows they can report something, especially where they are questioning themselves but likewise abhor seeing messages that pressure someone to report something - esp the emotional blackmail mentioned above that comes with it.

Isn't that just giving a criminal a free pass though?

I think if there are other people involved, especially children (in a physically abusive relationship for example. where the poor children have no choice but to stay with the abuser because their mother has chosen to stay too) then it should be encouraged as strongly as possible.

YADNBU - I would be highly unlikely to report a rape, having been the victim of a crime and learning first hand how utterly shit our criminal justice system is, how weighted it is towards offenders and how it tortures and punishes victims.

Everyone has to make their own decision, but haranguing victims to report so criminals don't get a 'free pass' is just victimising them further. Victims need support, not judgement and bossiness.

@TomHardysNextWife for any other crime that could possibly be a good argument.
But not for rape,where the victim is always the one on trial, that's if there even is a trial.