AIBU to feel low level exhaustion and avoid s*x (mum of 10 month old)

[AquaFaba]

Hi,

I've name changed as feel quite fragile admitting all this.

I'm a (sahm) Mum to a happy, healthy 10 month old and have a fantastically lovely, supportive husband. I've just turned 43, so am no spring chicken.

I just feel so exhausted all the time and can't seem to shake it off.
I've got back to my pre preg weight and swim 2x per week. I walk everywhere and eat healthily. But I just feel so bl**dy knackered!!!

This isn't a moan. I'm not depressed; I feel very blessed and happy with my lot, just feel permanently exhausted and don't know how to get myself back.

It's really beginning to eat into other areas of my life, particularly sex life. Prior to having the baby, I used to really enjoy having sex and felt a lot more comfortable with my body and felt relaxed enough to have sex often.

Now, I feel I am on constant radar alert for the baby's cries on the video monitor and don't feel sexy at all. My clothes are invariably covered in food smears and I just look so old and tired - despite my best efforts to try and look nice and presentable.

Worst of all, sex is now beginning to feel like another chore on the to do list - which terrifies me as I never wanted to be this person. I find myself putting on an act, going through the motions, giving....but never really feeling relaxed or in the moment enough to accept (or worse, even want) pleasure. It's numb.

But frankly, after having spent the entire day in a routine, going to classes, doing housework and preparing our evening meal, the last thing I want to do once I have put the baby down at 7:45pm is start thinking about sex. I just want to eat something, watch something on tv and fall asleep.

My husband is lovely, but is in a high pressured, albeit financially very renumerative role, so we have decided that, during the week, the baby is my job (and that includes night wake ups). On the weekend, he is great and very hands on - but by then, I am so tired that I am running on empty.

I am a sahm through choice - given my age, the Big Plan was to ideally have 2 kids fairly quickly. Prior to this I was self-employed, so this role change perhaps has not been as unsettling as might otherwise have been the case.

I had a 2nd mc in June and it has really upset me. Until then, I was so keen to try again (quickly, given my age) for dc2, but now I am so scared that my body is going to fail me again. I think this is another reason why I am avoiding sex - terrified of having another mc.

I would really appreciate some advice or at least some words of wisdom from others who have been here.

Thank you
x

No advice I’m afraid, but I didn’t want to read & run. Having a small child is knackering, particularly if you are up in the night. Is it possible that you might have a thyroid problem? If not, is it worth trying metatone tonic?

As for the sex, do you have anyone that could have the baby for a night once a month so you could get some time alone?

Best of luck & hang on in there. I found it much less tiring when DD got to 3 (then we started again!).

Seriously. I would just check with the doctor that none of ur levels are low. It’s a silly thing but something like low b12 (. Have this so strict me on this ) can make u feel utterly exhausted. A quick trip and some blood test will rule that out.

My LO is a year now, I’m now back in the office 2 days a week and on those two days where I haven’t spent all day thinking about and looking after the baby, despite it being a busier day I feel much more ‘me’ and inclined to be intimate.
Although I love looking after her, the break does us good.
Are you in a position where your DH would agree to nursery or similar for a couple sessions a week to allow you some grown up ‘me time’?
Worth a try.

I hate to say that "m" word but have you considered it may be down to perimenopause, it can start in your early 40's and that added to sleepless nights will make you feel very worn out.

Maybe go to the GP and have your Iron and B12 and thyroid function levels checked it could be anemia . I was experiencing the same kind of thing and just have found out my levels are really low. Started supplements two weeks ago and already feel a change in energy and brain fog lifting also improvement in sex drive good luck xx

I felt like this. It's hard. If you really want another child I'd suggest getting it over and done with, it gets easier as they get bigger. However there's nothing wrong with only having one child.

I may get lynched for suggesting this but could grandparents stand in to give you both a bit old down time? Leave for a nice hotel nearby Saturday morning and back Sunday afternoon.

Hi - thanks for the feedback.
Am wondering about iron and b12 levels too, will look to address.
Not sure if perimenopause though? Still have regular 28 day cycle, ov on day 11, good solid luteal phase. But I’ve now had 2 mc’s in my 40s, so suspect it’s my ag working against me?

Sorry but you sound completely normal to me. I was knackered when DS was 10 months too and my DH is very hands on (just doesn't do nights as I breastfeed so no point)

Honestly I think I normal to be so exhausted when life is exhausting.

I would check thyroid. Pregnancy often is the start for thyroid disease and it also can cause miscarriage.

I'm 44 with a just turned one yr old and I am KNACKERED (also somewhat grouchy).
I don't think for a minute it's to do with my iron levels or my kale intake over the weekend, it's to do with having a small demanding person who needs my attention all of the time.
I feel your pain.

I was/am also self employed and recently went back to work to do a six week contract.
I felt good about myself, I looked presentable, I was tired but not bone crushingly tired.
I'm now back doing full time childcare and I look like I've just been dug up.

Fist bump to you for wanting another. I've decided to get a dog instead (in the future obviously, when I'm less frickin tired)