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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have turned them away at the door.

25 replies

BigBumandMumTum · 14/08/2018 13:33

Back story is that my son is autistic, he can't cope with people he doesn't know well, he has selective mutism and can't speak to people he doesn't know well and he doesn't leave the house without a lot of preparation.

Everyone knows that my house is off limits, people in his safe space is very very scary for him and he would be anxious, panicking and scared and it would take a few days/week to calm him down.

My great aunt, uncle and 3 small children travelled an hour to see my grandad and decided to pop to mine, without warning, on the way (grandad is 10 mins away)

Apparently I was incredibly rude to not let them in "just for a brew"

I actually panicked, I was as nice as I could be and explained why but family gossip is that I was out of order.

OP posts:

BruceAndNosh · 14/08/2018 13:35

If everyone knows, YANBU

NonaGrey · 14/08/2018 13:36

I’d be expecting my parents to be putting the family gossipers straight.

Reaa · 14/08/2018 13:36

Sod them, you did exactly the right thing.

9amTrain · 14/08/2018 13:37

Yanbu. They should understand your son's needs trump their entitlement to pop over announced.

Frogscotch7 · 14/08/2018 13:37

Sounds like they don’t understand your son and possibly think you’re exaggerating his needs. Not your problem, not your priority.

apriljune12 · 14/08/2018 13:39

Rude and silly people op.

If you feel you need to send around a family message reiterating your situation.

beingthere · 14/08/2018 13:41

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Even if there was no reason you don’t have to let unexpected people in if you don’t want to.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/08/2018 13:41

Presuming they know that your house is off limits then you weren't rude at all, they were extremely inconsiderate to call in.

Don't be made to feel bad OP.

DarlingNikita · 14/08/2018 13:42

YANBU. Fuck em.

Nikephorus · 14/08/2018 13:49

YANBU.

Travis1 · 14/08/2018 13:52

YANBU they are cheeky gits!

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 14/08/2018 13:53

If you haven’t a child with autism or worked in the care industry you have no idea about the impact of your actions. You need to put your son first. You could drop them a line and explain.

BlankTimes · 14/08/2018 13:53

Yet again astounding ignorance of the needs of an autistic child from the wider family.

You weren't rude, you were saving your son from a horrendous ordeal and invasion of his safe space.
If they can't or won't understand that, it's their problem, not yours.

YeTalkShiteHen · 14/08/2018 13:55

YANBU at all.

People who know nothing about autism and judge are the bane of my existence.

You did absolutely nothing wrong OP, and I’d expect other family members to put them straight and tell them to wind their necks in!

LeftRightCentre · 14/08/2018 13:58

YANBU. Let 'em gossip. They won't do it again. Result.

CoughLaughFart · 14/08/2018 13:59

I can’t understand why, regardless of your son’s autism, they couldn’t have just sent you a text to check it was convenient (or even that you were in!) Your personal circumstances make their behaviour even more inconsiderate.

Knittedfairies · 14/08/2018 14:02

It was incredibly rude of them to turn up without notice, given they must know of your son’s autism. They should have had a brew with the grandad.

mostdays · 14/08/2018 14:03

Family gossip should be that your great aunt and uncle are rude as fuck and wilfully ignorant to boot.

Guienne · 14/08/2018 14:04

It's an insane thing to do anyway. You could easily have been out or on your way out, and why would they need a "brew" when they were 10 minutes away from their ultimate destination?

whoaskedyou · 14/08/2018 14:05

They should have phoned you first to check it was OK. It is not alright just to 'pop in' unannounced regardless of how nearby they were. Do they not understand your situation? Doubt they'll be back soon.

Who's defending you in your family? Sounds like Great Aunt etc needs a word.

NadiaLeon · 14/08/2018 14:10

YANBU at all.
Do not worry about it. Your boy comes first.

MargaretDribble · 14/08/2018 14:13

You just have to let them get on with it. You did what was best for your son. They may be trying to cover up their embarrassment at having called in even though everyone knows you can't just have people calling on spec. Easier to blame you than admit they should have checked first.

IceCreamFace · 14/08/2018 14:20

YANBU even if they didn't realise in advanced surely when you explained they should have been able to understand. If they were that desperate to see you they could have just called in advance (what if you had been out?)

SnuggyBuggy · 14/08/2018 14:20

If you'd let me hen in "just once" you'd be doing it again and again. It wouldn't have killed them to text.

cheesefield · 14/08/2018 16:13

Did they say to your face that they thought you were rude? What did they say when you reiterated why people cannot just drop in?

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