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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think 12 year olds shouldn't be allowed to hang around town for more than a couple of hours..?

27 replies

FluffySlipperSocks · 14/08/2018 12:52

My ds aged 12 (soon to be 13) has gone into town with his friends this afternoon. I've said 2 1/2 hours and I'll pick him up. I think that's fair. He doesn't! Said his friends are allowed as long as they like. My gut feeling is that I don't like to encourage aimless hanging around but as always the mum guilt sets in!! Would like some honest opinions please. Thanks all Grin

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/08/2018 12:53

Totally agree. (With you).

Cherubfish · 14/08/2018 12:56

I have a son the same age. I basically agree with you but I'd make it 3-4 hours rather than 2-3.

RonniePickering · 14/08/2018 12:56

I also agree with you.

Rollyrollyrollyrolly · 14/08/2018 12:57

YABU if you know where he is, he has a phone and he isn't causing trouble I don't see the issue.

Cherubfish · 14/08/2018 12:57

Do you know the friends? Are they sensible boys?

BiggerBoat1 · 14/08/2018 12:58

You are right!

It is a 12 year old's job to push the boundaries and your job to push back! It isn't easy, but stick to your guns.

Pinkvoid · 14/08/2018 12:58

When I was 13, I spent the whole afternoon in town. We’d sometimes go to the cinema or bowling, get something for lunch and browse round shops. When I was 14/15 I’d also always get a new piercing against my mums wishes Grin.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 14/08/2018 12:59

Had this chat last week with dd 12.
She agreed 1-4 was fine.
I remember when I was 12, 35 years ago (omg really??) and me and BFF used to get the train to the coast for the day, wander the amusements and shows and back by dark!!
I would be worried about ds doing that and he is 17!!

leighdinglady · 14/08/2018 13:00

Hanging around is hanging around. Why is it different if it's 2 hours or 5 hours? Surely they'll be doing the same stuff for all that time?

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 14/08/2018 13:00

What do you think will happen in 5 hours that won’t happen in 2?

Lethaldrizzle · 14/08/2018 13:01

I'd let em have more freedom to be honest

shirleyschmidt · 14/08/2018 13:08

Agree with you, 3 hours is a decent amount of time to be out in town at age 12. Maybe they can make plans to hang out elsewhere afterwards or something, but IMO there's no need to loiter around a shopping centre all day. My parents were always stricter than most on that type of thing, and even at the time it was no big deal, but with hindsight I actually think they were right.

Nousernameforme · 14/08/2018 13:11

I'm not sure I understand why you want a time limit. He is out with his mates. Town used to be an all day deal when I was younger.
As long as he answers texts or calls from you. It's better to be outside with friends then indoors surely.

ZanyMobster · 14/08/2018 13:13

At 12? 3 or 4 hours is sufficient IMO. I think it should increase when they have earned your trust. To me this includes tjings such contacting you if you have agreed for them too, not going off somewhere when you haven't agreed to it etc. If all is ok then fine to extend.

FabulousTomatoes · 14/08/2018 13:15

Why??? As opposed to sitting indoors on his phone or sulking? I used to play out all day when I was 12 - out at the park, on the streets, at others’ houses... I didn’t cause any trouble, and we didn’t have phones then so my parents must have been really relaxed...

ShotsFired · 14/08/2018 13:18

I'm not sure I understand why you want a time limit. He is out with his mates. Town used to be an all day deal when I was younger.

This. When we were kids hanging out was the thing you did. It was just how you spent time.

There's no real reason for you to curtail it, as a pp says, what will happen in 5 hrs that won't in 2? If he's just with his mates and not causing trouble, why spoil his fun for no good reason other than you being a bit control freaky?

theunsure · 14/08/2018 13:19

During day time (in School hols) we were allowed out for an unlimited amount of time at that age. Not after dinner though.

Unless you have reason to distrust I think it is weird to restrict the time?

It perhaps matters where the location is - where I lived it was very safe, perhaps different for inner city? At that age I'd be out all day from early until about 6ish.

Mind you the time was largely spent with ponies so perhaps not quite the same

Oblomov18 · 14/08/2018 13:20

I disagree. I let Ds1 out on his bike, or playing football, for longer, when he was this age. I knew exactly where he was, with all his friends, all of which I know well and know their parents.
I think this is too restrictive and you need to ease up a little bit.

ZanyMobster · 14/08/2018 13:27

Could you not just check in after 2/3 hours and if everything is ok then leave him for another few hours?

WhirlyGigWhirlyGig · 14/08/2018 13:27

Mine is the same age and he frequents the skate park and sometimes nips into town (it's about two mins away from the park on his scooter). Well unbeknown to him I'd also nipped into town, Asda to be precise and caught him and his friends hiring around the store on their scooters. I was not impressed and the colour drained from his face when he heard my 'special mum voice' the one that makes children have the fear .
Wev'e now had a chat about how long he's allowed to be out for...

CherryChatsworth · 14/08/2018 13:29

I agree with you. Where is he and what is he doing exactly? I wouldn't allow aimless hanging around because that's how they get up to mischief and it is intimidating to some people, to have to navigate a crowd of teens outside a shop. Doing something specific such as cinema/food whatever then that's fine providing I know where he is

multiplemum3 · 14/08/2018 13:30

Why does he need a time limit? Let the boy be with his friends in the holidays

Original poster
FluffySlipperSocks · 14/08/2018 13:34

Thanks all. Really appreciate your views. It's really not me being a control freak. Just feel like I'd be irresponsible to leave him to hang around for longer than that... hmm. He is generally a good kid. Argues with everything at home but makes pretty good choices the rest of the time! I'll extend the time a little bit I think. Just question myself a lot! Seems that 3-4 hours might be more reasonable!

Thanks all

OP posts:
moonandstars98 · 14/08/2018 13:45

I wasn't even allowed into town until i was 13, but my opinion would be to just check in on him in a couple hours and if everything is okay let him stay out a little longer :) not too late though!

Ariela · 14/08/2018 13:52

2 1/2 hours isn't really long. By the time they've agreed to do x, go to y shop, and z shop to look at things, and buy a burger and milk shake in McD's 2 1/2 hours isn't really that long. I'd up it to 3 -4 hours.