To stop going?

[oliviatrivia]

Name change as potentially outing.

Almost two years ago, following the birth of my second DC which was preceded by several years of miscarriages including a late loss, I developed relatively severe anxiety. I have always been a ‘worrier’ but it became out of control to the point that I was on the edge of a complete breakdown.

My GP prescribed sertraline but I had a severe reaction to it and so instead started CBT (paying for it privately as waiting list was very long on NHS). I have been having CBT now for almost 2 years (either weekly or fortnightly) and whilst it has made an enormous difference it has cost us a huge amount financially, we can’t really afford it anymore and I just don’t know if it worth it anymore.

I still struggle with anxiety at times but am handling it a lot better than I used to. I go through phases where its worse and where I have a pretty low mood but I am in a much better place than I was and feel I have the tools to handle things better. But it’s not resolved completely. I am still going to CBT because of the times I still struggle but am starting to think I have reached the best it will be and now I am just wasting money trying to reach an unobtainable level of ‘calm’.

This will sound awful but I feel like I can't broach this with my therapist as it is in their financial interest for me to keep going.

AIBU to stop going? And to wonder if anyone has reached a level of complete confidence in handling anxiety after CBT?

Two years???
CBT is a quick and effective fix. Clearly not working for you at all. Change practitioner or try something else.

I have also suffered from anxiety for many years, and have had success from CBT, as well as medication, although I am not currently undergoing any treatment.

It sounds like your private therapy for the last two years has been really good for you and made a positive impact. I appreciate your financial situation may be tight, so its good to review whether it is worth it anymore. It is not clear if you feel that each time you go you improve a little more, or whether you have reached a point where you are managing pretty well, but are not entirely perfect.

If it is the latter then it makes absolute sense for you to think about not going any more. Since I was diagnosed with anxiety for over ten years I have not managed to find that level of 'calm' you mention, that I previously had. However, I have come to accept it being the way I am now, and often try to use that feeling to my advantage by 'owning it'. Everyone who knows me knows that about me and my family and friends are so supportive when I need a little extra support at times.

Have you thought about decreasing your treatment initially with a plan to halt it entirely eventually? Then you can see how you get on and then have the option to increase again if you need to. Once a week or a fortnight is quite regular, and with my treatment, once I felt manageable again I reduced it down to once a month, then once every other month, and eventually for a catch up six months later. It felt better to reduce it that way as I would keep my diaries and notes of my feelings to take to the next session, and I noticed there was not as much I wanted to discuss as I initially imagined there would be.

I am having some personal trouble at the moment, and feel that I have relapsed a bit. Even though I know how to cope and manage feelings, I still myself slipping into negative thought patterns, so I am going to seek out some more treatment. You always have that option if you go through periods where you feel its a struggle. But in general, in the last four years since my previous treatment, I have been proud of how well I have coped with anxiety by using the tools and methods I learned in CBT.

I don’t think long standing severe anxiety ever completely resolves. It’s just a case of managing it.

I realise two years is a long time but the triggers for me where like a bomb that kept exploding. The goalposts were constantly moving for a long time.

JeanieLou Thank you for sharing your experience. I feel like I can go weeks feeling fine then something triggers it which means I leave a session feeling much calmer and more confident in managing things but I feel like I am at my limit of learning new techniques, if that makes sense?

I think the idea of spacing out sessions with a view to stopping is a good idea.

Thanks again for sharing your experience. Always comforting to know you’re not alone in these things!

Thanks Claw001 - I think that’s the realization I am coming to too.

Does anyone ever feel entirely confident, anxiety or not? Go for it, you can live without it. If you feel you need to go back in the future that option is always there for you. Having that bit of extra money available might actually ease your anxiety.

Well done for the steps you are taking. Maybe it’s time for something different. Personally I found mindfulness meditation to be dozens of times more effective at helping me manage my anxiety than CBT. Also try reading Pema Chodren - When Things Fall Apart - which also helped me a lot. So build on the base of what you have done but branch out into some new ways of managing it? Good luck.

Your therapist is a piss taker. Can you ask when they see this coming to an end? I have done CBT several times, and it wasn't for me for the reasons you describe.

Talking therapy was better, as I could unload the stressors and deal with them head on.

Thanks Buntyll and Balabooateh - I really appreciate your advice.

And thanks Silverhairedcat - it’s defibitely helped me a lot but I do think it’s probably time to be confident in my own abilities to handle things.

Ironically the thought of having this ‘when will this end’ conversation with my therapist is making me anxious......

Oliviatrivia that makes sense completely, and I think that was the point that llangennith was trying to make - that CBT is there to help you learn these techniques, but there is only so many new methods you can learn before its going over old ground.

It sounds to me that on the CBT front you are ready to stop, but that perhaps you have been benefiting from the ongoing discussion and counselling that this therapist offers. Do you have a good support network around you that you can speak to? Or a best friend or someone you could meet for a drink / walk every week in place of the therapy? That's what I do now. Walk and talk! Or if I didn't have that I would consider joining a weekly group where I could meet people and chat. I did a mosaic making course which was great fun for me but helped me meet people and take my mind of my thoughts. I would come out of that feeling more relaxed than a day at a spa. I know people that do slimming world, running groups, college course with similar results. Is that something you could look into?

And in terms of quitting the therapist - the best way to approach that is with a compliment - that she has been so effective you are feeling much better able to cope so would like to reduce the sessions from now on. Cost is also a reasonable factor. Most people I know haven't stayed for more than a few months, she will be used to it.

It’s unusual for a therapist not to set out a time limit tbh. My ds has therapy for anxiety. They ask him at the start of the therapy what outcomes he would like to achieve. Book a group of maybe 6 sessions, then evaluate again to see how close he is to achieving those outcomes.

Like Bunty said, everyone experiences some level stress, sadness etc.

2 years is a along time, are you perhaps trying to achieve the unachievable? No ones life is perfect.

I would cut down your sessions (so you still have them if needed) and try to use the techniques your have learnt instead. If that fails up your sessions again.

Thanks so much for all of the replies.

I have been mulling over your thoughts and I think part of the issue is that due to the fact that I have changed, a lot, the last few years due to various traumatic events and I will never be who I was or think how I did 5 years ago. I need to focus on managing it rather than trying to get back to my old ‘base’ level which to be fair is what my therapist has probably been trying to get into my head.

Also I think I am afraid of ever going back to the worst time of it. I can manage that fear now but it’s still there.

Thank you. Your replies have been really helpful.

And thanks for those suggestions JeanieLou - definitely worth putting into practise.

I’ve never personally managed to rid myself of anxiety entirely, it’s something I’ve learnt to effectively manage. After two years of CBT, you should be armed with the correct tools to also do that.