Can i rant about my dysfunctional family? Advice needed

[Merrydoula]

Ill try to make this as short as possible.

My dad was always violent while me and brothers were growing up. He hit our mum various times in front of us, hit us aswell, especially me being the only girl. I have always resented him for this, and always resented my mum for deliberately provoking until he snaps him when she knows he has temper problems.

He always done something then been off out if the house for a few days, then when my mum decides shes bored she has him back in the house. As kids we were always forced to sweep things under the rug and my mum always made excuses for his behaviour, but other times called him the worst names under the sun to us, it was a very hard time growing up.

I am now married and pregnant, thank god been out of that house for 6 years, all these years later my parents are still going through the same issues. My dad doesn't hit but he does flip out from time to time. My brothers are big now and out working all the time so they're not at home much.

I feel all these issues from the past are really bothering me during my pregnancy and really stressing me out. Id quite happily quit a relationship with my dad but my mum seems to enjoy all the going around in circles with him. I feel every ounce of me is drained because of them. My whole life has been about their relationship and now I'm not enjoying my pregnancy because of it, i feel like i hate them...

I strongly recommend that you distance yourself from all this sickness and drama and concentrate all of your efforts on your marriage and child. It is amazing that you have been able to recognise the dysfunction you were raised in because so many don't, but now it is your responsibility to ensure that this chaos doesn't poison YOUR life and future. You can't help your parents. I think you should "quit" both of your parents.

I too come from a very dysfunctional family, and I was never at ease until I went non-contact with the perpetrators of all of my troubles growing up. I suggest you do the same.

Thanks guys. I do feel like i need to separate for my own sanity and wellbeing. They take so much of my energy and time.

You should post This in Relationships- you will get a load of support there, whatever you decide to do. Wishing you well, sounds like you are limbering up to shed the baggage of a horrendous childhood. X

Their dysfunctional relationship is literally toxic. You clearly experienced stress and trauma all the time as a child and would have constantly had the stress hormone cortisol running through you when trying to cope.

High levels of cortisol when you are pregnant can actually affect the growing baby (feel free to google, lots of studies and evidence). Therefore I think as part of your healthy pregnancy and planning for the first years with your baby you should actually be actively seeking ways to REDUCE stress and prevent your cortisol levels rising. As well as avoiding your parents as much as possible, it would be advisable to add in as many stress relief measures as you can.

These might be: talk therapy to start working through your traumatic childhood, exercise, walks, yoga, spending time with people whose company you enjoy and who help you relax, being around animals, spending time in nature, forms of spirituality and faith etc. Mainly do you want your baby around volatile and violent people? I assume NO and therefore you should begin protecting her/him now in the womb from a toxic environment, because your baby will literally ingest your stress if you don’t find ways to reduce it.

Congratulations on your pregnancy