To feel left out for better being more natural.

[Grammarist]

So... in a nutshell, I've felt that over the past two years that my friends have begun to leave me out of their plans more and more.

The things that I'm not being invited to/get 'oh no, I forgot to tell you' comments about tend to be of the pampering and dressy nature. For example - girly pamper days at a spa.

Over the past couple of years I've changed outwardly in the fact that I no longer dye my hair due to medical reasons. I'm come to embrace what I've had to do but I feel that I don't physically fit into the glam look that they all do and this is impacting on what I'm being invited to.

It's very annoying. Not using hair dye doesn't mean that I don't like a massage/being pampered.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off?

No idea why the title has 'better' in it!!!

Maybe they're leaving you out because they always have to make the arrangements. Why not invite them to go with you?

I've done that. They will mostly come along but it's becoming less and less reciprocated

How many 'pampering and dressy' type events do they arrange / go to...?

I dye my hair and like clothes, as do my friends (as much as the next person) - but we literally never organise pampering / dressy get-togethers.

We go to the local, or each other's houses - some of us make more of an effort to 'dress up' than others.

I guess I'm trying to gauge exactly how many events you're actually being left out of.

You are a little BU to be pissed off. You are in control of your emotions and thinking. You cannot change them so try changing yourself to accept situations.

Have you tried telling them you feel left out? That it's been hard coming to terms with not dying your hair but just because you've embraced the need to doesn't mean you don't still want to go to spas, get facials, do your nails etc.?

This (crudely) comes down to - are they just shallow and vapid, not wanting you to come along because they're embarrassed you don't dye your hair, or are they confused because they don't realise your lack of hair colour isn't a free choice and they assume you aren't really that into it?

I don't think you have 'embraced' the natural look quite as much as you think you have. You have leapt to the conclusion that this is why your friends have left you out. Could there be other reasons?

Obviously, I don't know anything about you, but could it be in 'embracing' this more 'natural' look you have given them the impression that you think there is some kind of virtue in not dying your hair?
I had a friend who, after dying her hair all her life, stopped dying it when she went grey, because she felt that 'society' was oppressing her. Which would have been fine, except that she kept on saying it, whilst sneering at my (obviously) dyed locks.

And then she met a fella and was straight into the hairdressers.

You haven't chosen this, its been forced on you. Is it possible that by trying to come to terms with it you have given your friends the impression you disapprove of their shallowness and vanity?

It does sound a bit of a stretch that they don't invite you to days out because you've stopped dying your hair. There might be other stuff going on - the only way you'll find out is by asking them directly.

It is often true that when a person cannot perform, people drop them. This happened to me a few years ago. I’m disabled and chronically ill. It was terribly hurtful. This wasn’t the first time. It happened to me when I was a teen and my dad died. Sometimes the easiest thing is to find new friends.

Like a PP, I am struggling to imagine how any group of of people can possibly go to so many of these events that any kind of discernible invitation pattern can be discerned...? I had no idea this was a thing among some groups of friends.

Do they still invite you for non-pampering events? Have you voiced out your feelings?

I know it sounds odd but it really is just the girly things that they've stopped inviting me to, or ones where you get dressed up. Other things like play dates are all fine.

I think I just don't tick the right boxes anymore and that looks are more important than I realised (as far as they're concerned).

They all know the reasons why I've had to go natural and they all know it's not been by choice, but I'm now determined to embrace my new look and I'm actually starting to like it.

One of them did make a few comments about how it's aging me and I just get the impression that they don't invited me as not dying my hair must equate (in their heads) to me not caring about myself as much.

They do these things quite a lot as we all have a gym/lifestyle membership where you can do spa days quite cheap.

I agree with the poster who said that once you're ill that you become less invited and more invisible. People really do just stop asking. It's upsetting