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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To need to talk through a traumatic event with you?

97 replies

StrumpersPlunkett · 13/08/2018 22:59

Just need to talk. Family listening but I am just going over and over it to try to under stand.

OP posts:
Twodogsandahooch · 13/08/2018 23:28

That sounds terrifying. Please keep posting if you find it helpful and I would seriously consider getting some professional help to help you work through this.

DramaAlpaca · 13/08/2018 23:28

Bloody hell, that's sounds terrifying. Of course it's OK to be affected by it today, you'll be going over & over it in your head. Keep talking to anyone who will listen, it will help you process it. At the moment I'm sure you are still in shock. Glad you got out OK.

EBearhug · 13/08/2018 23:29

is it still ok to be affected by it today?

I would think it's entirely normal to take longer than just 1 day to get over it.

I'm glad you all got out okay. Be kind to yourself, and don't be surprised if you need more time.

BettyBaggins · 13/08/2018 23:29

Surviving death can be a real corner stone in your life. It must of been very scary. Sounds like you are in shock still. BrewCake

PlantsArePeopleToo · 13/08/2018 23:30

Of course it's okay to still be thinking about it today. That was a horrible thing to have to go through Flowers

WellThisIsShit · 13/08/2018 23:30

That sounds terrifying, like a living nightmare.

Your brain and body have just been through a hellish trauma. Don’t underestimate what a big thing it is, and will continue to be for quite a while.

Needing to repeat it and relive it is because your brain is in shock and cannot process it, or even begin to know how to start to move it from the ‘now’ and the short term memory.

Let yourself just be, and just be very very kind and gentle with yourself right now. Don’t expect too much of your poor battered brain and body. Just be guided by whatever you can cope with right now, don’t think too much about anything or put any pressure on you. You’ll feel better and all of the shit stuff that you’ll be feeling will eventually fade, but it will fade quicker if you give yourself time and space and kindness now. Pushing forwards can make things go slower in the long term.

I’m so sorry. It sounds awful. Try to ignore any stupid comments as I’m sure you’ll get some in real life or on here! People are quite rubbish at understanding trauma and what they say is often about making themselves feel better rather than helping you.

Sorry, long post... THE most important thing is, please be very very kind to yourself right now. FlowersFlowersFlowers

TiredPony · 13/08/2018 23:30

As soon as you are home visit your GP and ask to be referred for counselling. These things are better dealt with fresh.

What a terrifying experience for you. Be kind to yourself, it's ok to not be ok about this while you process it.

PurpleWithRed · 13/08/2018 23:31

Perfectly normal, and it should fade although you’ll never forget it completely. But if you are still feeling the same in a couple of days speak to your gp and see if they can recommend someone who can listen to you and work it through with you, or ask your local facebook page for someone with TRIM training (a type of trauma counselling/watchful eye)

Clairetree1 · 13/08/2018 23:31

it sounds terrifying. I wouldn't expect to feel normal quite yet. My house caught fire once, and I was definitely still shaking for several days, in fact the day after I felt more traumatised than I did on the actual day

pieceofpurplesky · 13/08/2018 23:31

Make sure you rest and get all the love and support you can.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 13/08/2018 23:32

That sounds very scary. Of course it will take you longer than a day to process it. It can completely change a person as you realise just how fragile life is.
I hope you're ok OP.

housewifeoflittleitaly · 13/08/2018 23:32

Op your coping very well. Near death experiences are utterly terrifying & the loss of control you felt will take a long time to overcome.

Just don’t rush yourself and take it easy for a few days! No one will truly understand how you feel but I do hope that your family are supporting you.

I had a similar experience a few years past & honestly don’t think I’ll really ever get over it. It just takes time to adjust and comprehend.

Weepatchesoflove · 13/08/2018 23:33

Hiya, I echo everyone else, that sounds absolutely terrifying. Be very kind to yourself, speak/cry whatever it will take to help. Take care. Flowers

MouseholeCat · 13/08/2018 23:33

That sounds horrible OP, I'm not surprised you're still feeling it. It's very normal for you to be playing it over and feeling out of sorts. It'll take a while for you to process it. Did you have to work or anything today? My best advice would be to try and give yourself space for it to sink in.

I understand the not crying thing- I had a traumatic event about a year ago and I was on autopilot for days afterwards and felt barely able to concentrate on anything but replaying the event. About a week after I finally cried and it was a big release. But before that point, I couldn't force it.

Original poster
StrumpersPlunkett · 13/08/2018 23:35

Thank you all.
You are being so lovely.
It is like each time my mind isn’t actibely busy it drift immediately to remembering coming in and out of consciousness with cold water lapping round and into my face.
Argh!

OP posts:
DazzlingMilton · 13/08/2018 23:36

OP how awful, I'm so sorry but so glad you're here to tell us about it.

Everyone is different in how they feel after a trauma like this, there is no "normal" other than that it's normal not to feel normal for quite some time. I would echo sentiments above about talking to a professional to help you through, keep your loved ones around you and don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing.

tigercub50 · 13/08/2018 23:38

Hugs to you OP - as pps have said, be very kind to yourself & give yourself time to take it all in. I would want to talk to the instructor when I felt stronger

Original poster
StrumpersPlunkett · 13/08/2018 23:39

Am able to take it easy as we are on holiday.
We were supposed to be sea kayaking tomorrow and paddle boarding in a few days but dh is going to do that with the boys and I am going to read my book.
Have had time pondering today and we sat and watched the sun go down at lands end which was v special.
Shock is probably the right word. Just need to let my mind file it into a different area.

OP posts:
Original poster
StrumpersPlunkett · 13/08/2018 23:41

Right going to try to sleep.
Will check in in the morning.
Thanks for letting me get it off my chest.
You adorable ladies.

OP posts:
Hazardswan · 13/08/2018 23:43

Aww strumpers your probably still in shock. Both mind and body went through quite an ordeal yesterday and your response is perfectly natural. Hope your family are giving extra love.

Petalflowers · 13/08/2018 23:45

Glad you are safe and well now. Sounds like a horrible experience.

StacksOfBoxes · 13/08/2018 23:45

Sleep well x
Trauma takes time to get over. You are doing well already, because you can talk about it and understand what you are feeling.

What you have been through is horrible, but you have a natural resilience which means you can get over this. It will take time, and you might have flashbacks for a while.

I'm glad you're alive, and I'm sure you are too Flowers

Furrydogmum · 13/08/2018 23:46

I'm almost 43, when I was 12 we went to Australia and had a beach hol on Sydney coastline - I had never experienced seaside other than Bridlington at that point.. My parents clueless as they were let me go with a group of seasoned holiday usuals to the beach. I was dragged under by a "dumper" wave, came up, dragged under etcetcetc. Over 30 years later I can still remember how scared I was - and how little my parents "got it" when i went back literally looking like a drowned rat! I'm glad you're ok, it is definitely not wrong to still be shaken up ⚘

itallhappensforareason · 13/08/2018 23:46

Enjoy the rest of your holiday and definitely take it easy. Must have been such a horrible experience but the main thing is you are OK and here to tell the tale. 💐

AfternoonTeaIsLovely · 13/08/2018 23:46

So sorry you had that experience but pleased you are here to share it. It truly does read as a huge event and that you were truly lucky to come out on the other side of it. You'll probably view things differently for a while and in some respects that may be a good thing - appreciating what we take for granted! Give yourself a week or so after you get home (and back in familiar territory) to process and if you still can't shake it go and see if you can speak to a counsellor, this is not something small that happened to you. Sure some people would move on immediately but many wouldn't x