AIBU to call this mum and have it out with her?

[Peaches39]

DD is 8 years old. During the summer holidays she is attending local summer camp at her old school. Today I went to pick her up and was told there was an incident with one of the other children and the staff told me that they were not able to speak to the child's parents at pick up but will talk to them the next day . I asked whether there was any physical contact from the other child & was told no. As soon as we got to the car my dd told me it was one of the girls from her old class that she used to go to school with ( for ref. dd has left this school now that this girl still attend) . Dd told me the girl had kicked her on her legs twice, called her names and told her she wasn't pretty & needed to go to a beauty parlour . Since we know the girls behaviour from the old school isn't very good as she was violent to other kids at the school , bullying to the point where she has said to the girls I'm going to kill you and other parents wanted to take their kids out of the school. My AIBU is since I know the girls mother should I be speaking to her directly and have it out with her or wait until the ppl from the camp speak to the girls parents . What do you think ?

I'd speak to the organisers first thing, that's if she is attending again.

Wait. The camp staff were there and you weren't. Otherwise it has the capacity to blow up on a she said/ she said manner . Neither you nor the other mum was there.

Obviously speak to staff again, and clarify what has been done .

YANBU.

I would first go through the organisers.

Give the organisers the history but ask what a think they will take after incident

I would speak to the organisers, tell them the history and that the other girl kicked DD. Honestly if this girl has a history of bullying behaviour (which presumably the mum knows about) do you think calling her up is likely to have any effect? Either she's unwilling to or incapable of tackling her DD's behaviour.

Thank you all for reasoning with me, I will be emailing the camp with all the incident details and wait to see how they respond . I wish I had asked for more details at pick up but was really caught off guard & didn't know how to respond .

Do not contact the mother. Deal with the holiday camp people only.

Speak to the organisers first for sure but if her story is backed up I would 100 percent be talking to the parents sounds like a little horror , hope your girl is ok. I was bullied at school and it makes me feel sick to imagine my girl going through it when she’s older I would without a doubt be having words with the parents.

for your dd, hope she is ok

Speak to camp definitely first. Do you know the mother at all already? Is she aware of her daughter’s behaviour and if so how is she likely to respond? If she’s a reasonable person herself, perhaps she needs to be made aware by the camp so she can address it. If she’s not reasonable she needs to be made aware that it’s unacceptable in any event....

Burn their house down.

I think the girl definitely has some behaviour issues , as the old school had a dedicated person (1-2-1) who would be in the class with her and follow the girl everywhere she goes . There were so many parents who would complain to the headteacher about her behaviour but I don't think the school has ever taken any further action . I'm not sure if the camp ppl are aware of her behaviour problems though ; but her parents definitely know ,

You can't bring up the school stuff though. Well you could mention there's history but it's just hearsay. That said if someone said they would kill my child I would want to go to the police.

WINOSAURUS - I wouldn't go that far ; very silly thing to suggest

It would get the point across though wouldn’t it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Are there any marks in DD's legs to strengthen your case when you go to speak to the organisers? If so take some photos.

But are they reasonable people who are struggling with and embarrassed by it, who are likely to want to see a change, or are they aggressive themselves and defensive about her behaviour? I guess that’s what I was asking to gauge how useful it would be to address with the mother. I hope your dd is ok. I know I’d be livid if it was mine regardless.

What further action would you have liked the school to take? I would guess that if she has a one to one TA in school, the school are addressing the issues. There will be more than you will know about going on behind the scenes with the SENDCO, HT, class teacher, parents etc. My guess would also be that the child has a diagnosis as school's don't have the capacity to dedicate TAs without good reason.

In answer to your question, leave it to the organisers. Getting involved directly with parents rarely ends well. I'm sure everyone involved is aware of this child's issues/needs so bringing it up with the parents is very likely to be unnecessary.