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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not return wedding invite

19 replies

chickacharlie · 13/08/2018 21:15

DP and me met at uni eight years ago. At uni he was good friends with a couple on his course who are now getting married. I wasn't friends with them, just would have a bit of chit chat when we saw each other but didn't hang out at all.

DP kept in touch with them for two years after uni, but hasn't seen them for years, and there have been a few WhatsApp's exchanges between them.

We were very surprised to get a day invite to their wedding. We are getting married in May, do we need to return the day invite? I want to keep numbers down to make it just family and close friends, and I wouldn't class them as close friends. DP thinks as we are going to theirs it's rude not to return the favour. I think it's an expensive way to think of it!

OP posts:
LeroyJenkins · 13/08/2018 21:16

dont go? and dont invite - simple

ShirleyPhallus · 13/08/2018 21:18

Don’t go and don’t invite

Or go, eat all the food, nick their presents, offend the brides mum and get absolutely fucking hammered then delete their numbers and from all social media and never see them again

HotblackDesiatoto · 13/08/2018 21:18

No, you don't have to return the invite at all. If everyone always did that it would be the same few people going to every party!

Lonesurvivor · 13/08/2018 21:18

It's your dp wedding too, he also gets to decide which friends he would like to invite.

BlueEyedPersephone · 13/08/2018 21:19

You don't need to return invite, only go if you want to, be flattered they have invited you but it is not a summons

Original poster
chickacharlie · 13/08/2018 21:20

@Lonesurvivor I know this, but everyone else on our day invite list is a close friend or family member- rather than people we were once friends with or were once close to.

OP posts:
Original poster
chickacharlie · 13/08/2018 21:21

@ShirleyPhallus GrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
Pinkvoid · 13/08/2018 21:22

They may be having a huge wedding and have invited lots of one time acquaintances whereas you want a more intimate wedding. Neither are in the wrong, people have different preferences. Go if you want to but don’t feel obliged to return the invite.

Doobigetta · 13/08/2018 21:27

All weddings are different sizes, invitations don’t have to be quid pro quo.

AvoidingDM · 13/08/2018 21:30

The cynic in me says they either don't have a big family or a lot of close friends but need some not so close friends to make up the numbers for a biggish venue.

I wouldn't get to worried about feeling the need to return the invites.

SummerStrong · 13/08/2018 21:31

I would think it a bit rude to attend theirs and not return the invite....only because your weddings are so closely timed. It would be glaringly obvious.

I wouldn't go to theirs.

CanineEnigma · 13/08/2018 22:08

You don't need to return the invite.

But... be aware that they might be the sort of person who thinks that wedding invitations are reciprocal and will be cheesed off if they don't get invited. DH and I had family only at our wedding - 18 people including us - and one of his friends and his wife completely fell out with him over it because they invited us to their big wedding with 100+ people in the evening.

LillyLollyLoLo · 13/08/2018 22:33

Given the weddings are quite close together I think you’d be really rude to go to theirs then not invite them to yours. If it were me I’d decline their invitation, send a nice card and not invite them to mine.

IceCreamFace · 13/08/2018 22:35

I don't think wedding invites have to be returned - not everyone has similar sized weddings. If people have huge weddings and invite distant friends surely they realise said friends might have smaller weddings in which they will not be included?

violets17 · 13/08/2018 22:37

I wouldn't go to their's unless you invite them to yours.

FASH84 · 13/08/2018 22:37

Can you send them an evening invite and make sure they're aware your day time is only for a small amount of people?

Aeroflotgirl · 13/08/2018 22:45

Don't go, and don't invite. If you do go, it is rude not to invite them.

Poptart4 · 13/08/2018 23:42

I get why people are saying don't go and don't invite but.... It is strange they are inviting people they haven't spoken to in years to their full wedding. What if they don't have many friends and thats why they invited you? What if you don't turn up and theres nobody at their wedding? Or at least very few.

I know its not your problem but I would try and find out why you've been invited after so many years.

You still don't have to invite them to your wedding but it might be a good deed to go to theirs.

Mossend · 14/08/2018 06:09

I don't think you have to invite them to your wedding but does your husband want to?

If your husband wants to go to theirs and invite them to yours I think you have to for your husbands sake but if it was me I'd decline their invite and not invite them to yours

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