Due date on Wednesday...daughters birthday on Monday...AIBU to be worried?

[Saminsachs]

Hi all :)

So, I have a (nearly) nine year old daughter and am due to give birth to my second child in two days time, on Wednesday.

It's my daughters birthday on Monday and her birthday party on Sunday (8 children coming around for six hours :/) so it's all a bit hectic...

Does anyone have any experience of their children sharing the same birthday? My daughter really, really doesn't want the baby to be born on her birthday, as I'll be in hospital and she thinks that then everyone will just care about the baby...She has slight issues with jealousy anyway!

If I go into labour on the day of my daughters birthday party, it would also be quite difficult/impossible, as my husband is my birthing partner and it's just the two of us, with no other family support, who have arranged the birthday party...activities/food/care etc...so if I was in labour on the day of her birthday party, it would have to be cancelled.

I guess we would have to rearrange...I think maybe I'm more worried about actually going into labour on my daughter's birthday...logistically, would you have one birthday the day and one the day before? Or just leave it as a quirk?

Just interested to hear some opinions!

Thanks!

Six hours is way too long for a party - and they are coming to your house? I assume you knew your due date when you planned the party so while I can see that you wanted your DD to have a party, I think you can reduce the time and ask some of the parents to stay!

Hope everything goes well for you this week.

Notwithstanding my glib reply earlier, I do get that the dynamic between siblings who share a birthday could be significantly different depending on whether they were born with the same birthday or “acquired” it later, so to speak.

That said, OP, I would urge you, if “worse comes to worst” and, despite all your loving efforts to make your DD feel special your new baby is born on your DD’s birthday, never to apologise for it. If your DD is already struggling with jealousy issues (which may be completely normal in a girl her age, I don’t know), your apology could reinforce a sense of grievance that is completely unjustified and may never be recovered from.

If you think about it, your problem really is one of the best examples of a First World Problem there could ever be. It wasn’t so long ago that many families could barely bear to celebrate a child’s birthday because it also represented the date of death of the child’s mother. Thankfully that risk is now pretty low (though not non-existent). For context, I almost lost my own twin brother on our seventh birthday - he went into febrile convulsions and almost died - which, had the worst happened, would have made the annoyance of having to share a birthday with him pale into insignificance!

Deal with the logistics of the party (though what were you thinking?!), and have an airtight backup for that. Make sure someone your DD loves and trusts and who will spoil her rotten is looking after her at all times from when you go into labour. Accept that the rest is out of your control and what will be will be. The more anxiety you feel the more your DD will pick up.

Good luck with the delivery and new baby!

2 things really stand out from your post and neither are about your perceived issue...

1. Where the heck is your daughter going when you go into labour if your husband is your birthing partner and you have no relatives? Assuming he is her father is she going to a friends?

1. Who has a 6 hour birthday party for a 9 year old? Ignoring the fact you're about to give birth, that's way too long to be entertaining children for.

As for the 2 children sharing a birthday there is literally nothing you can do about it and if it happens it happens you cannot do anything about it so there's no point worrying.

I would add however that you have created a lot of stress by planning a party so close to the birth. It was a huge mistake and a great way to initiate jealousy of a new sibling. You already admit your daughter is the jealous type but if the new babies arrival cancels her party that's doing no favours for the beginning of a relationship between the 2 of them.

DC and I turned up to a party at an indoor play place once to discover that another of my friends was now in charge of the party. The actual mother/party host had gone into labour two weeks early with her second child. So if worst comes to worst, I'm sure someone will step in to help. My friend didn't know the party mum all that well beforehand, but they were neighbours and my friend was happy to step in at such short notice. They certainly became good friends after that! (The new baby ended up being born the next day, so the kids didn't share a birthday after all).

Whatever you do, don't cancel the birthday party - if your daughter is already having issues around the baby then cancelling her party will not help things in the slightest.

My aunt and one of their great nieces all share the same birthday. As an outsider, I thought it was pretty neat. No idea what the birthday girls thought though! I was actually disappointed when the great niece's first baby didn't turn up on that same date as expected, but selfishly waited until four days later.