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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'd like a small one, possibly abroad

2 replies

BWrose · 13/08/2018 15:45

The Mr popped the question and I'm engaged. It's still a very new engagement and no plans in place.

For me, there's so much happening and so much problems within my family, so much has gone south. It will probably be a long engagement.

There's then the future to consider too for example where are we going to live once married? At the moment, I live at home, as does he.

I work hard but it's definitely not going to carry me forward into the future. I may never be able to afford a mortgage. I will need to change my job too. In the hope of getting a better income. As for what to do, I don't know.

Right now, a slight issue:
Me and my now fiance were chatting, vaguely and I said something on the lines of perhaps a wedding quite from family and friends and getting married abroad, just the two of us. He's not too keen on that one and would like a wedding at home. He was considering his large family in that one.

It's just, my family is fairly broken. Some siblings living abroad, others not speaking to others, a mother that is relying a lot on me for a lot of things.

My engagement is still only very new and already my mother is saying things and saying what way she wants things and nearly planning things and the demands are there.

I don't want any hassle and I want small and low key.

OP posts:
Pickleypickles · 13/08/2018 16:08

Congratulations on your engagement! Not sure what your asking sorry but I think both your and your partners wishes need to be considered and you need to discuss and find a middle ground. Wrt your mum be clear with her from day one that you will ask her for help if and when you need it and then maybe give her a few things that you don't care so much about that can be her "jobs" like centre pieces or something?

GemGem97 · 13/08/2018 16:27

I understand your family is broken, but his isn’t… to him its important to have his family there on your big day, so I think you need to tread carefully not to disrespect that. Try swap roles, if you were close to your mum, sisters, brothers etc. you would want them there! Im sure you could keep it relatively small in this country with his family, but asking him not to include his family is quite insulting…

Just try to focus on the fact you will be alone on the honeymoon.

Sorry if im coming off rude or mean, but its not just your big day…

Also, tell your mother “thank you, I will consider that” next time she ‘demands’ something. You should only be planning what you and your OH BOTH want, that is it.

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