To ask if I’m still allowed to choose my own clothes now I’m middle-aged?

[Gruach]

I reported my own highly annoyed, S&B post to MN. They said I should start a thread about it.

Here’s the post:
“... sometimes I do genuinely believe that there must be a campaign somewhere to make grown women feel insecure and ashamed of not staying the same age forever.

And it's truly sickening. Especially now - with all the debate over the role of culture, religion and patriarchy in how women dress. This is supposed to be a forum addressing the concerns of adult women (and anyone else who's interested?) Why, then, are so many threads predicated on trying to get women to be ashamed of continuing to be alive as adult women? Apologising for not being young ... Apologising for choosing their own clothes ...

Is there any way you might start a conversation about this?”

Was kinda hoping for an instant, ready made global campaign - but ... y’know ...

I’m middle aged. I like getting dressed. I don’t like to think that other people are sniggering behind their hands and wondering why I even bother to leave the house now I’m so old. And there are just too many ‘am I allowed to wear this now I’m - whatever age’. I wish it would stop.

Perhaps I’m not your target audience as a 30-something but I don’t identify with what you’re saying at all

There are only a few threads asking if someone is young enough to wear something and they’re always shut down very quickly by posters saying wear what you want

I agree. I really hate the idea that once you're past about 25 you have to start shopping for clothes differently, in different places, and dressing differently.

It's relentless on here.

If you are old you are invisible so I wouldn't worry.

Me and DH we’re talking about choosing our clothes, in our twenties and thirties it was labels and ‘good clothes’. Now I don’t give a shit what I wear as long as i’m Comfortable. I will dress appropriately but if it’s cold and wet the ugly big parka and wellies get worn whereas a few years back i’d Have got wet and cold just so I could wear something nicer.

I’m not finding that I am invisible BlueBug. Perhaps I’m attracting the wrong sort of attention?

I used to go clubbing in a wonderbra and hotpants. At 40 now, I'm too old for it.

Same as I'm too old for lots of other things I did back then.

I'm an extremely confident professional and don't feel at all ashamed about my age or getting older.

I'm with you.

There are some posters who like to frequently express their horror at major age related disfigurements like a grey hair, a belly that has a life of its own or slightly fuzzy cheeks, though.

What the hell are you wearing, OP? And who is sniggering behind your back? I’m 50 and wear what I want, although my style tends to be conservative. Fly your flag and don’t fill your head with nonsense.

I've never been a conservative dresser, or expensive looking. I do sometimes get stared at, but I did in my younger days too. Most people that object to how I dress are other women, who I suspect feel that they should dress in a way that is deemed suitable for middle aged women. It's the same women that object to the wearing of make up, owning more than one pair of trainers, etc etc.

I'm 50 and don't feel much is out of bounds or any shops tbh, only maybe from a size point of view. Then again I guess I'm pretty conservative in my dress naturally with flashes of personality like nail colour.

Never worn many things like tiny shorts or little dressses but never wanted to but I'm often complimented on my clothes and have some much younger friends who like to borrow or rummage through the charity shop pile before I donate.

Love clothes and rather love being this age.

41 here, with banging legs, and today I wore distressed denim shorts. I wear what I feel like. Tomorrow it might be a preppy tea dress, the day after boyfriend jeans.

I’ve always enjoyed fashion, and have no intention of modifying on society’s schedule.

Love clothes and rather love being this age.

Yup.

Until I read yet another thread where a twenty something complains of ‘looking like her mum ...’.

(I’d be delighted to ever have looked one tenth as glamorous as my ma.)

No one is forcing you to do anything or dress a certain way. I find this sometimes with groups of women I know saying “I’m too old” or whatever but it’s all self imposed. Maybe it’s a self confidence thing? I don’t know. No one is choosing your clothes for you. You go to the store, you buy the clothes, you put them on. Finished.

Does it suit me? Does it suit my age? Maybe it depends on the woman's own personal journey through her different ages as to how she feels. How much she needs clothes to suit her.

Perhaps she has always been overweight but is now slimmer and feels she missed out on messing about with fashion when young and doesn't know what suits now?

Perhaps the opposite? Fabulously beautiful as a youngster and now sees a crumbling image in the mirror and doesn't know how to dress?

Somewhere in between the woman who never knew what suited them and now feels time's running out and wants to actually get it right !

It's not necessarily always about wanting to look younger. Or being afraid to look old. It can be about just wanting help to look good.

Tbh I feel to old to wear what I like but that’s because the clothes I like (floor length medieval inspired dresses and skirts - absolutely no crushed velvet or anything “satin effect” mind! Real natural fibres and unostentatious colours) are extremely different to what I see other people wearing. As a teenager it was fine to stand out, desirable even, but as an adult I would ideally blend into the background. So alas I can’t dress according to my desired style except at a re-enactment.

That sounds magnificent DieAntword - very like some seasons of Rick Owens, or the Maison Margiela Artisanal collection or AWAKE.

For myself, I think I’m closer than I’ve ever been to marrying my love of extravagant tailoring to my desired occupations. I have no room at all for timidity or a competitive refusal to spend time or money on myself.

DieAntword I don't know your age obvs. But I'll just say this. I'm almost 47 and I pretty much dress the way you describe and have for years.
Clearly I think I'm Arwen or something
Holy Clothing have some lovely styles that I think would fit the bill without being too outrė.
Maybe just go for it? 😊

So much fashion and beauty stuff in the media is aimed at under 25s, that I just ignore it. Life is too short to worry about these things. I just wear what I like.

I do have to laugh at people who think they're old at 35 though! That's less than half your life.

Well 1 in 6 won’t make it to 65 so for them it’s not :(

What age are you?

Honestly, I could not give a flying fuck what people think of my clothes (48 and beyond caring). All I care is that my trousers are of a good length and my fat is vaguely disguised.

I think very carefully about how I dress. More than I did when I was 20 or 30, because I think more carefully about everything I communicate and clothing is a form of communication, once you get past the very basics. Fundamentally, I control my outward image more than I did when I was younger, because I’m more aware of its significance. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m desperate to appear younger, or hotter. But I’m afraid I think it’s nearly always bullshit when people say they don’t care what others think. They may well mean they aren’t looking for approval, particularly from certain categories of other people, but that in itself is controlling the image you project. And actually, part of what I want to project is that I’m not seeking to be seen as a sexual object for men I work with- I’d find that demeaning. So that does mean I won’t choose skirts as short as I would have done 20 years ago. I see that as a positive indicator, not a negative one.

Doob - I’m afraid I think it’s nearly always bullshit when people say they don’t care what others think.

I agree. And 'dressing without seeking attention' being a conscious 'look' in itself - this is true too.

part of what I want to project is that I’m not seeking to be seen as a sexual object for men I work with

Falls into corporate dress and one of the advantages of having dress code. Interesting stuff.

Everything we put on will be giving a message to onlookers, weather or not we or those onlookers realise, or care. It's inescapable!

As I've gotten older, I've chosen to hide more of my body, not because I'm old, but because I've gained weight and I now feel ashamed.
I've seen threads on here which have genuinely upset me like the one about trousers with loud prints on. Apparently it makes you look like you have an elephant arse even if your skinny so bigger people need to avoid them. I was wearing mine that day and I felt like shit. I actually changed when I got home, back into my jeans. I was hot and uncomfortable all day.
There was a thread about how women can't wear vest tops or sleeveless tops if they have bingo wings as it's disgusting.
Imagine being told that you're disgusting?

It's not just those who are older who aren't allowed to dress themselves, it's anyone bigger than a size 12.