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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stag parties

25 replies

chiefwiggum · 13/08/2018 00:23

Long time lurker- first time poster.. Decided to post as eating me alive

Just wondering what the general consensus on MN with dh/dp's going to stag parties with knowledge of stripper will be there

AIBU to not want him to go?

Together 3 years, engaged 1 year- dd 6 month old

OP posts:
BigPinkBall · 13/08/2018 00:30

Personally it wouldn’t bother me at all, but I trust DH implicitly and i want him to know that plus I doubt he’d be seeing anything he hasn’t seen before.

Think about how you’d feel if the situation were reversed, you’re hardly likely to want to shag The stripper and they’re even less likely to want to go off with one of their punters.

SandyY2K · 13/08/2018 00:36

It wouldn't bother me personally ..but I've been to a hen night with a male stripper. I didn't know in advance, but I would still gone anyway.

It's not about what the whole of MN think...it's how you feel about it.

Original poster
chiefwiggum · 13/08/2018 00:40

Very true but it's very disheartening to think of the love of my life in that kind of setting?

I imagine it to be quite seedy.

He's going would sleazy friends too.. turns my stomach thinking of them egging him into getting a lap dance or something??

You'd think I'd have more to be worrying about with 6m old baby but it's actually keeping me awake at night

When I said it to him he told me he'd really like to go on said stag because he doesn't get to see his friends

OP posts:
Original poster
chiefwiggum · 13/08/2018 00:42

SandyYK2

Just wondering about general consensus because trying to see different view point to see if I can come round to the idea of it because I would like to be ok with him going and not be so on edge about it

OP posts:
BigLass9 · 13/08/2018 00:46

I think it is seedy and a shame it is sort of normalised by many. I wouldn't like it and think it's grim.

BigPinkBall · 13/08/2018 00:47

Well it will definitely be seedy and sleazy but he’s not going to change his personality overnight, and even if he does get a lap dance it’s not exactly the end of the world.

I’d say telling him you don’t want him to go is a bit controlling and sends the message you don’t trust him and is more likely to cause problems in your relationship.

It’s the poor women I feel sorry for, it’s not how I’d like to earn a living!

Slapbetcommissioner · 13/08/2018 00:48

Would he be OK with his daughter being a stripper and groups of men going to watch her and 'egg each other on' to get. Slap dance? Would he be happy for you to be a stripper? Hmm

Slapbetcommissioner · 13/08/2018 00:49

Get a lap dance that should be not a. Slap dance!

Faez · 13/08/2018 00:52

It's grim and I do think it's different from having a male stripper at a hen do although not a fan of that either.

Helpmepleeease · 13/08/2018 00:57

A stripper turning up to a party at a pub for example I can tolerate. But attending a strip club is a no from me.

flissypix · 13/08/2018 00:57

I wouldn’t be happy but nothing to do with cheating, there are plenty of other opportunities to cheat on a stag do and if someone is that way inclined going or not going to a strip club isn’t going to matter. I just massively dislike the whole industry it’s sleazy and trashy. I was reading an article today about stag dos and the consensus was that most men on stag don’t actually enjoy them. ‘Stag groups work to the lowest common denominator, so it only takes one idiot to drag the group down’
The type of ‘lad’ that wants to go to a strip club are the types of men I actively avoid. Some women however are perfectly happy with the idea, if you are not then say so. Tbh I would be furious if my Dh
went to one however I would only tell him that I don’t like it and he can make the decision for himself. He’s currently planning his brothers stag do so the conversation may well come up soon.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/nov/14/what-men-really-think-about-stag-parties
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/nov/14/what-men-really-think-about-stag-parties

dinosaurkisses · 13/08/2018 00:59

I’d have a massive problem with it from a feminist, objectification/exploitation angle.

I wouldn’t be arsed about him seeing a naked woman though.

VeniVidiWeeWee · 13/08/2018 01:00

Faez

Why is it different?

DieAntword · 13/08/2018 01:06

I’d forbid my husband to go because I know he wouldn’t want to and it would give him an excuse to get out of it “sorry I’d love to come but my wife is livid at the idea” etc.

He hates going out for a meal because he has massive social anxiety let alone to that kind of ‘do’.

GloGirl · 13/08/2018 01:10

Strip club - yes

Lap dance - no

He's not fond of either, it is bloody awkward for some men! But he wouldn't want to make a stand and not go with the group. We have both agreed that a personal lap dance is a no no.

Slapbetcommissioner · 13/08/2018 01:14

I agree with flissy and dinosaur.

mediumbrownmug · 13/08/2018 01:26

I disagree with the exploitation inherent in the industry, as pp have also mentioned. I would be against him going, for so many reasons.

But I also want to say that telling your partner you don’t want him to go is DEFINITELY not “controlling,” as someone upthread mentioned. Emotional blackmail, physically preventing him from going, manipulating him to get your way, etc. are all controlling - but simply telling him how you feel just isn’t.

I personally don’t see the point in ogling other people’s bodies during the time in your life that you should be most focused on your partner, but that’s just me.

Zommum · 13/08/2018 01:29

It's really not that big of a deal, he will probably only watch for a few minutes then chat to his friends. You can't forbid him from going, and if you try he may stop being honest about where he goes in the future. If it really bothers you, I suggest you say I would prefer it if you didn't go, maybe plan another night out with your friends in a few months. If he goes, don't take it personally, it's just a night out.

SlothSlothSloth · 13/08/2018 02:19

Well I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who would go to this kind of stag in the first place. Not because of jealousy but because I think accepting a man who objectifies women in this way is settling, really. There are plenty of men out there who don’t.

However now you are in a relationship with someone like this I’m not sure you can reasonably ban him from going.

Skarossinkplungerridesagain · 13/08/2018 02:41

As an ex-dancer I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Shoxfordian · 13/08/2018 06:48

I wouldn't be that happy about my bf going to a strip club on a stag do but I wouldn't try to stop him going. I don't think there's much you can do about it really op as presumably you're not going to leave him over it. All you can do is explain how you feel and then he does what he does.

speakout · 13/08/2018 06:53

It's seedy.

I am not interested in the " general consensus"

I live my life my way.

OH detests stag events and would decline such an invite.

MsSquiz · 13/08/2018 06:57

Having been to a strop club myself for a friend's hen do (female strip club) and had a private dance, I have zero problem with DH going to one.

On DH's stag I fully expected them all to go, but only 2 of them did (not DH) and the rest of them were back to our house just after midnight to watch some ppv boxing...

It's just not an issue for me

speakout · 13/08/2018 06:58

I would love to go to a strop club.

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