Parents guilt tripping

[Pappybear]

We've been thinking about moving away from the city I grew up in. Have only ever lived 30 minutes drive away from parents my entire adult life. I now have two young dc.

My mum is foreign and parents generally very involved in our lives - financially, emotionally etc. We're a close family. Mum was very ill last year (life threatening) but has made a good recovery although she is getting on (79).

The move we'd be making is to another large city 2 hours away by train, but I need to be realistic about the likelihood my parents would make frequent trips up etc. The move would also primarily be for our children and the opportunities we could give them.

Whilst I think my parents understand this, they are making it VERY clear that they don't want us to leave. Which in turn is making our decision making virtually impossible.

I understand they wouldn't want us to go, but Aibu to think that they could say something like "obviously we really don't want you to go, but understand why you would and fully support it etc"

Is that completely unreasonable and unrealistic?

Your parents chose where to live in their life, you need to choose where to live in yours. You say your parent is 'foreign', so I'm assuming she has moved hundreds of miles to her chosen place. You are only moving two.
It's emotional blackmail expecting kids to stay where parents are (and mostly impossible if you are following a career), but 2 miles isn't far so visiting should be very easy. Live your life.

@DesignStatement - it's 2 hours away, not 2 miles

Sorry - I meant 2 miles. Really not far.

@DesignStatement - it's 2 hours away, not 2 miles

I mean 2 hours!, sorry - keep typing wrong thing.

It is heartbreaking when your children move away, but you hide your sadness, knowing that they are making the right decisions for their families.

A friend cries on my shoulder because her beloved daughter, son in law and grandchildren are moving to Australia. To their faces, she puts on a very good act of being excited for them, and planning her first visit when they are settled. She, like me, wouldn't dream of guilt tripping children for our own selfish need for them to be close.

You are being reasonable in expecting your parents to support the move. It's part of the job description for parents of adult children.

Good luck

See that's what I thought @theOtherPamAyres

The thing is we're trying to decide what's best for us anyway. It's a hard decision and we aren't entirely sure what we want to do, but my parents feelings are sort of dominating everything at the moment. My mother moved away from her family (but this was to go NC with very abusive parents).

Its very wrong of parents to behave as though they own their children, and emotional blackmail is the lowest way to try to manage a relationship.

2 hours away is not far. Many families are mobile to make the best of career prospects or simply to avoid unemployment.

As parents we are allowed to feel whatever we feel of course, but using that to emotionally blackmail our children into restricting their life chances to meet our selfish wants is terrible parenting.

What your parents are doing is wrong. Make your decision on its merits, don't be blackmailed. 2 hours away is not far at all and you can still visit frequently and be there fairly quickly if she becomes ill again, especially if there is a convenient train connection. Presumably she doesn't expect you to remain within 30 minutes of her at all times in case she needs you?