To think holiday club were BU re DS' name change?

[BadUsername]

DS is 11, and has recently begun using his middle name instead of his first name. Mainly because he's always prefered his middle name, and it's his choice so we're fine with it.

He has been going to a certain holiday club/ hangout for about 5 years now in the summer holidays, lots of his friends go there and they seem to really enjoy it.

He changed his name 6 months ago, and we informed the holiday club when we signed him up this year. All fine, or so we thought.

DS came home on Friday a little upset because he had been misbehaving (not following instructions and backchat) and one of the helpers there told him off using his first name. DS corrected him, and was told that they weren't going to call him his new name until he behaved himself The helper then carried on deliberately refering to him by his old name.

He achnowledges (sp) that he should have been behaving, but surely he doesn't have to earn the right to be called a particular name?
Who is BU?

I thought you were going to say the helpers were still using his first name out of habit, and that was fair enough, or to,use a shorteneded version which DS didn’t like.

However, to refuse to,use his new name as punishment is uncalled for and petty.

Using a wrong name as a punishment is hideous. I’d definitely talk to them.

Refusing to use his name is unreasonable. Calling someone a name they don't like is immature and childish and not an appropriate punishment for a misbehaving child. It's hardly going to teach him to behave

Well the adult is unreasonable for not using his preferred name. But that doesn’t negate your son’s unreasonableness in his bad behaviour. And if one of my children was told off for behaving like that, I’d want them to reply with ‘sorry’ rather than correcting the adult who they’d been so rude to.
Choosing battles is important as life is too short to fight all of them. My first priority in your situation would be getting DS to write a letter of apology, and making a consequence for his bad behaviour at home rather than relying on the (patently ridiculous) one at the club of the wrong name being used for him.

Absolutely not on. YANBU. I’m sure if the helper did something wrong at work and everyone called her Julie as punishment she’d be outraged.

(Unless she was, in fact, called Julie)

I had a teacher who used to purposely change my first name to another pronunciation because she knew it irritated me. I felt demeaned and bullied and other students used to take the mick out of me constantly because of it.

Obviously the adult not using the correct name doesn't negate your sons bad behaviour and that needs to be dealt with. However as someone whose been on the end of this as a child it's totally belittling from someone who should be in a supportive and trustworthy position.

Are the helpers very young e.g 16-20 year olds doing summer holiday jobs?
I can imagine an immature helper doing this thinking it a funny/sarcastic punishment or just because they are incapable of appropriately managing behaviour so have resorted to threat?
Speak to the supervisor.

YANBU

Of course your son should behave himself. But you’re right that he shouldn’t have to earn the right to the correct name.

They surely have procedures to discipline misbehaving children which should be followed fairly to all children.

And if someone told me they weren’t going to call me by the right name until I behaved, it would just piss me off and make me less likely to do what they wanted.

He got told for backchat, then corrected the person telling off..I think that could be construed as more backchat personally ! I think it's a good lesson : why should the play leader have to follow his instructions while he disregards theirs? Your son also chose the wrong time to raise the fact the play leader got his name wrong. He should have let the matter settle for an or so, then have told him his preferred name. Your son needs to take the feelings of others into account more in his behaviour,

While I agree that your DS should be called by the name he chooses, he probably just chose the wrong time to correct the helper. It may have come across as backchat.

I’d be more concerned about your DS’s behaviour if I was you. Once things have calmed down I’m sure the helpers will call him by his correct name .