To be annoyed at my friend?

[3girlmama]

I have a friend who comes to our county once a year with her family. She lives the other end of the country.
Every year we meet up for a day. The past 3 years we have driven over an hour to see them where they stay.

This year, as I have a 12week old DD as well as my other DDs, I suggested they come to us
This offer was accepted.

No date was set as they didn't know what they were http do until they got to where they are staying.

This irritated me as if you're invited to do something then you fix a date for that and everything else fits around that, surely?

Anyway I suggested days I was free and that they could come to lunch. Again, this was accepted. Still no date from her though.

Friday I texted her to suggest Saturday or Sunday as we were running out of available days before she went home again.

She opted for Sunday. I checked lunch was still on the cards but she said to hold off that for a bit as she didn't know what they were doing that day so didn't know what time they'd come!

Again, surely just set a time and work round that?!?

Eventually very late Friday night I got a text to say between 3-5pm and they'd just have a cuppa.

So, instead of doing the usual roast for evening meal I planned it for lunchtime (much to DHs annoyance)

I needed to put the chicken in the oven at 11 for it to be done on time and just as I was due to put it in I got a text to say they'd be earlier than planned. So I switched roast to evening instead and did sandwiches for my family for lunch. (My in laws live in the annexe and were expecting roast at lunch)

Now I get a text to say they'll be later as they were late leaving their accommodation!

So now my evening roast will need to be started whilst they are here but depending on what time they actually get here it may totally clash with dinner!

AIBU to be pissedboff?

By oven timer I mean the automatic turn on and cook for specified period function. My oven is very old and has one so not just new and posh ones do.

Just make dinner and plate yours up to microwave when they've gone. Teach your DH to cook too. How on earth did he and the annexe survive whilst you were giving birth/postnatal.

I hate this 'don't know what we're doing' response when trying to fix up arrangements because then the other party doesn't know what they're doing either. If you fix up a time then you both know what you're doing, otherwise it smacks of someone not committing because they constantly think something better might crop up.

So, instead of doing the usual roast for evening meal I planned it for lunchtime (much to DHs annoyance)

You do sound incredibly rigid to be honest.

If I had friends coming that I know are a bit flaky I wouldn't have planned a roast (Your DH honestly will not die if he doesn't have a roast one Sunday!) I would have just organised something more flexible.

They do sound flaky but if you like them you take them as they are. If it's too much for you then you bin them off.

In all honesty I suspect this is more a duty visit for her - she certainly hasn't prioritised you as a nice thing to look forward to. I rather suspect if you texted 'sounds like you are a bit busy shall we leave it? Hopefully speak soon or see you next year' then she would be grateful. Her DH may not be keen if it was an online connection between you and her.

I would have been mildly annoyed, but that would've been overshadowed by the enjoyment of seeing my friend who I don't get to see very often.

I would have kept the day open and meal options flexible and not expected to pin them down to a set time. I think perhaps 'see you on Sunday afternoon, text us when you leave' is how I would've left it.

The world won’t end if you don’t have a Sunday roast you know.

Stop calling her flakey, she’s not flakey, she just wants to enjoy her holiday and be flexible. You’re the one fussing about food, she’s not bothered. Fluid plans are fine, you’re being overly dramatic about schedules for a friend to visit.

But you can still prepare all the veg earlier and just stick rhe meat in etc when they go. Can't actually see the issue.

YABU, its a bit weird to start changing food times etc, they only wanted a cuppa so could have sat with you and had a drink/chat while everyone ate.