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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel sympathy for this woman's daughter's

48 replies

Rosie342 · 12/08/2018 10:40

There is a lady I know, I've known her as an acquaintance for a few years and she's never been shy about the fact she's always wanted a boy. She already had 3 girls but had finally got the boy she always wished for and is obviously over the moon.
I myself have 2 daughter's already and I'm pregnant with my third, a boy, and this woman has told me on multiple occasions infront of her and my daughter's how much boys at better than girls. No that they are different, simply better or "the best."
I feel sad for her daughter's having to hear there mother say that, their brother is only a few months old, the eldest daughter is 9 so I don't see how it's a fair comparison.
I always reply that each child is different has different strengths but she argues that boys are better all round.
Maybe I'm just being sensitive about it all, I know some people do prefer one gender over the other but I'd hate for those girls to grow up thinking their brother is better just because he's a boy.

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 12/08/2018 11:33

holy crap. What did your friend and the other women or gils in the family say to that? I'm not usually one to leave money on the table, but at that point I think I would, just on principle. That's horrible.

My friend isn't talking to her mother at all (she's the only one that has a boy and 2 girls so had long had issues over it). It was the proverbial straw for her. Her sister is extremely hurt because her mother has basically said "I prefer your son to you". And for the first time ever their brother has had his eyes opened to it (he's the golden child, but hates it and he has 2 girls himself now). The mother has been told that if she does then they'll do a deed of variation after she dies and if she's not happy with that then she should leave it to the cats home.

placemats · 12/08/2018 11:54

Obviously this woman has a partner. What are his views on it? If she loves men so much he must be a huge influence on her life.

What are your partner's views on it OP?

MerryInthechelseahotel · 12/08/2018 13:31

Obviously this woman has a partner Eh?

Rosie342 · 12/08/2018 14:56

@placemats actually no she doesn't, they broke up recently as she was telling me in the park last week.

OP posts:
placemats · 12/08/2018 15:05

Oh so you meet up in the park for weekly chats? OK.

Aaaahfuck · 12/08/2018 15:13

YANBU. Obviously girls are the best Wink

It makes you wonder if she is prepared to say that in front of them to you how will she treat them?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/08/2018 15:44

Makes a change from the girls are best statement which is equally as hurtful.

She's obviously wrong and it's very inappropriate to speak like that in front of young girls.

Rosie342 · 12/08/2018 15:55

@placemats, no I just so happened to see her in the park we both live near... how presumptuous are you

OP posts:
Applepudding2018 · 12/08/2018 16:00

Yes OP of course this woman is being unreasonable. I don't see how anyone can say they prefer 'girls' or 'boys' anyway as that gives a big assumption that all children conform to gender stereotypes. Think if the dad who's tied up in the ideas of his son playing/watching football but he hates the game, or the woman looking forward to girly shopping with her daughter who in reality lives in jogging bottoms and prefers to play football.

When I was younger, many years before I had DC I imagined I'd have a DD and all the girly things we'd do together - but when I became pregnant I didn't care at all and have loved every bit about having my DS.

onceandneveragain · 12/08/2018 16:02

placemats what's up with the 3rd rate Sherlocking?
None of what OP has said has been inconsistent - she's described the woman as an acquaintance, therefore meeting occasionally in the park (she said she saw her last week not they meet every week) makes perfect sense - i.e. a situation where they could conceivably know one another well enough to speak to without being friends and where the woman would have an opportunity to discuss her views where OP's children would be present. If woman knows OP has similar circumstances to her (several girls now expecting first son) it makes it more likely she will air her views to her. None of this sounds in the slightest bit odd, and if you do have suspicions report it to MN rather than this half-hearted troll hunting!

It's interesting that this woman's preference is for boys - from MN it seems almost an old fashioned view as now there are frequently threads saying that people have commented 'Oh no, not another boy.'

I do think next time you might say something slightly stronger to the woman OP - both for her daughters' sakes but also for your own, as they might be internalising what she's saying and worrying if you don't make it explicit that you don't agree with her.

placemats · 12/08/2018 16:03

You can @ me all you like Rosie* I won't get an email alert. Grin Presumptuous? Moi?

For what my two pennies are worth. I think this sort of thinking is disgusting and I wouldn't go back there. But what are YOU going to do about it Rosie?

summerdazeahoy · 12/08/2018 16:09

My parents were like this. I didn't question it at the time, but looking back now I can see how much their attitude has shaped my outlook and personality negatively.

Do you feel as though you can challenge her, Rosie? Or have a quiet word away from her daughters to point out the impact she could be having on their self-esteem?

Cuppaorwine · 12/08/2018 16:11

I had a very stupid relation who once told me, in front of both my sons and daughters,

‘Boys are more loving arnt they I prefer boys’

I said ‘must have been the way you treated your daughters then because mine love us equally as we do them.

People are wierd.

Cuppaorwine · 12/08/2018 16:13

placemats

You are in an argumentative mood. Play nicely Grin

placemats · 12/08/2018 16:25

I'm argumentative? What rainbow, special unicorn are you living under?

Grin Grin Grin

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 12/08/2018 16:28

Why are people on this thread being fucking weird?

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 12/08/2018 16:28

She might be in for a shock in the future with her son... I hope so.
Lets hope they go NC as adults and she ends up as a lonely old woman

placemats · 12/08/2018 16:33

Why would the son want to leave the woman who thinks he is better than his sisters?

Perhaps they will live together as mother and son for the long term until the mother dies and the son has an agonising long and lonely future ahead of him?

Haffiana · 12/08/2018 16:35

Why are people on this thread being fucking weird?

Terfwar, I reckon.

Deadringer · 12/08/2018 16:37

She sounds a bit thick to me and I wouldn't give her opinions a second thought. Very unfair on her dds though.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 12/08/2018 16:37

Haffiana you could well be right...

Rosie342 · 12/08/2018 16:41

I think people might be acting weird because they either are bored and have too much time on their hands like I do since both DDS have gone to their nannas for the night or they just want attention. Either way it's worth ignoring.

OP posts:
Isawthelight · 12/08/2018 16:58

placemats

You're being a complete pain in the arse, it's not even slightly amusing.

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