To insist dc stats in her bloody bed after lights out ?

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DD (9) is driving me up the fucking wall. Routine is to bed for 8.30/8.45 - reading then lights out around 9. Every single fucking night she gets up and wanders around, I can hear her as living room is directly below her room. She'll wake around 6.30 every morning without fail and then watch TV, she's miserable the next day and this has been going on for a year. I shout at her to get to bed, she'll call out 'OK' then still bloody mess around. H is fed up with it and claims I'm being unreasonable and should just leave her to it, she won't fall asleep until 11 - 11.30.
If I send her to bed then come upstairs to stand 'guard' are about on my bed on my phone she's fast asleep within 20 mins as I don't allow the extra 3 toilet trips or 'I need a drink' or someother bullshit . During an argument last night I said I had had enough and was going to come up each evening for a month to read establish a bed time routine for her, when I was up here before H would follow me up and start moaning he was on his own downstairs and it was crazy me being up here.
After I said my plan last night he started complaining again, I should just leave her alone and I'm ruining our evenings. All we do is watch TV anyway!! If I hear a floorboard creak though of her getting out of bed AGAIN I always tell her to get back, he then gets frustrated as when I shout he jumps and then we both get fed up with each other. I was never allowed to get up and wander about at her age,I went to bed and bloody stayed there!

So tell me MNetters - AIBU to expect my child to stay in bloody bed and not arse about?! 😡

That should read extra toilet trips! I'm not that draconian to refuse the toilet again after an extra visit.

Could you move her bed time to 10 rather than 9.
That way she'll hopefully be more tired so less likely to wander but she 'll still be getting a better nights sleep than if she wanders around til 11

I think that would have been a smarter move! 😬

Does she have a tv in her room?

No. She has no screens from 7 each night.

The sleep clinic advised me to push DS's bedtime to the point of where he was actually going to sleep then slowly bring it back forward to help him learn to resettle

I've got 2 dc. One is 8 and one 7. The 8 year old I can trust to put their book down and sleep at a certain time or when they are tired. The 7 year old will dick around until I tell them no more and switch the lights out. Tbf the oldest is an early riser and the 7 year old likes a lie in until 10am. So to help offset that I put 7 year old to bed at 6.30..... guess what.... still didn't want to get up till 10 am. My point in every one is different.

School days it's tough for the 7 year-old 🤣

I agree you need a set bedtime, but also agree with pp that maybe there is a way to change throngs and give her a bit more attention at bedtime? Could you read a chapter of a book with her? Or have a gratitude journal (sorry I know that's really American!) which you could fill in together about things you are grateful for or just writing your best part of the day down?
Perhaps you could have an incentive so you leave her to read for half an hour (or whatever you normally do) and then say you'll pop up at 8.30/9 and if she's asleep by she gets pocket money/ to choose breakfast next day/ cumulative points towards a trip/ treat? Maybe work on rewards rather than punishment. She's probably also getting old enough to discuss rationally although if she's exhausted, maybe not?x

Lots of people here haven't read the full post. You say she goes to sleep within 20 mins if you go up and stop her getting up. She's just seeking attention. I'd say hung upstairs for 20 mins to get her to sleep is perfect. You'll get your evening back!

I perfectly understand your frustration when you know there'll be epic tantrums the next day! Not all children are good at getting to sleep by themselves and many children don't get enough (I'm a teacher I see it allll the time!!) do what you have to do.

I'd also recommend route march gentle but long walk before bed time to help her want to lie down in the first place! I often do this with my 9 year old anytime between 4 and 7 depending on when we eat. Works a treat, she's a faffer too!

She's a little girl for goodness' sake. Don't be so angry with her, your post is heartbreaking to read. And not in a good way.

I'm shocked that DH doesn't see it his place at all to be upstairs reading to his DD a bedtime story. Surely it's sometimes his turn.