Aibu to end a friendship because of this.

[JacNaylor]

Hi! Regular poster here, name changed as this is quite specific.
Dp and I have friends that we socialise with every couple of months.Helen and Nick. We're all late 30's.It started out as a friendship between Helen and I at a sports club but now we're equally fond of both although I wouldn't call them close or best friends.
Last week Helen suddenly asked me to go to a large social gathering related to the sport. I was surprised as it's not my thing, but agreed. Fast forward to today and travelling there she referred to me as her wing woman which I thought was odd but brushed off. What followed was a day of Helen basically on the pull, chatting to and flirting with most of the day to a man, Pete, whom she told me she had a "thing" with at the same event last year. I made it very clear that I was uncomfortable, told her how lovely Nick is and how it could destroy their marriage. Eventually she appeared to agree that it was a bad idea and it was time to leave. We walked towards the exit hand in hand then as we approached the exit she asked if I wanted money. I said "no" puzzled then she pulled away, said "if Nick asks I left with you" then disappeared into the crowd presumably to find/meet Pete.
Although I THINK she is after a flirtation/snog rather than a full affair, I don't know for sure but either way I'm not ok with it.
So, AIBU to back off from the friendship, firstly because I don't approve of her blatantly going on the pull when she's married but secondly because she knew I disapproved and was fond of Nick and yet still managed to implicate me in it?
What would you do? Help much appreciated. Thanks!

Pickles, sorry to hear you're going through similar... it's so hard isn't it?

I haven't told dp yet, he's away this weekend but also I'm reluctant as I suspect he'll want to tell Nick.

I'm reluctant to do more than back away quietly because Helen has the gift of the gab. She's very, very likely to talk everybody round and somehow turn it into my fault if I make waves for her.

For example saying she was only chatting and I stormed off home because I didn't have her full attention.

When she told you to tell her husband she left with you I'd have said "not a chance!"

She's probably going to get in touch breezily checking you're ok and still happy to lie and all "I just couldn't help myself". I'd make her sweat, tell her you're going to tell Nick.

I would back off from the friendship and tell Nick. I'd probably give her a chance to tell him herself first though

I’d not tell Nick, and would back away from the friendship. I’m inclined to feel that how someone acts in their marriage is entirely their own business, especially if they don’t have kids, but dragging you into the middle and using you as cover without your knowledge is really not on.

You’re going to have to say something to your DH though, surely he’ll pick up on your new coolness towards Helen anyway?

I certainly would not lie for her. I would not get myself entangled but if put on the spot and Nick asked me I'd say, "No, we did not leave together- probably best you speak to Helen"

And back the f*ck away from this vile user. Nasty skank to do this to you.

Normally id have no problem telling someone they were being cheated on, but on this occasion you don't really know. I'd just say I'd come home on my own because I couldn't find her, then drop the friendship - he could work it out if he wanted to...

She used you.

She got you there under false pretences.

She expects you to lie.

She offered to pay some of your expenses: it was purely a business transaction rather than a night out together.

She has put you in an unenviable position with too much information about her flirtation with Pete.

She dropped you.

That's not a friend. And you're not her assistant and enabler.

She's behaved shit but you have to live in the same town. If she's that nasty that she'll somehow persuade everyone you're the bad guy, I'd keep this quiet and just not socialise any more.

I bet that there are others who have seen through her though. She's pretty brazen.

Aargh I'm getting a barrage of "I was so drunk I don't remember" messages today. I feel awkward. Sad too because we enjoyed their company and I genuinely thought she was better than this.

Maybe I'm over dramatising and she has just made a drunken mistake?

“Don’t contact me again” would be the only message you would ever receive from me, and I wouldn’t care what she told ‘everyone’.

She would receive sorry, not you.

She's trying to back track now pretending to be so drunk she had no control over her bad behaviour.

And so it begins . . . turning it into your fault. "You left me alone when you know I'd had too muchto drink". Tell your husband, not hers u never. know whats going on in other people's relationships, and withdraw slowly.

@JacNaylor don't let this become a secret between you and your husband. Tell him and it's up to him what he does from there. Tell her you were very uncomfortable with her behaviour and it will be difficult for you to socialise with her and nick as a couple after the way you have seen her behave because you don't feel he deserves to be treated that way and you don't like lying, highlight that the behaviour or intention at least started before she was drunk, so it's not an excuse.

Why were you hand in hand. This post is very muddled.

I would send a few texts that put it back on her, without mentioning the real reason.
"I didn't realise you were that drunk, you must hold it well. I didn't even see you drinking much."
"Do you remember sending me home? If I'd known that you were reaching black-out drunk I would have tried to persuade you to leave too."
"How did you get your car home? I'm sure you didn't drive if you were drunk enough to have missing memories."

Or just ignore, probably a better option. Although she might get a bit frantic or accusatory if you ignore as she may think you're about to tell on her.

Tell your husband the truth of what you saw, if you're going to draw away from them your DH will need a reason why. You don't have any proof that she ever did anything other than flirt so no need to say that you think she cheated.

Sorry, I misread one of your posts, you were travelling together, not in her car.

I would give her the slow fade and not respond. I can’t be friends with someone for whom I have no respect.

OP she’s no friend. I’d at the very least tell your DH, because I don’t like secrets between couples, and wouldn’t keep a secret for anyone that meant me lying to DP.

She called you her wing woman sober tho? She had intentions going there x

She's manipulating you again with her drunken texts. Ignore her/the texts.

Don't bother with her again unless you want to be dragged down into the gutter with her when the shit all hits the fan.

Why were you hand in hand. This post is very muddled.

we were hand in hand because it was very crowded, we were working our way through a crowd trying not to lose each other. I thought this showed her intention to leave with me because if we hadn't held hands then she could easily have slipped away in the crowd and told me later that she "lost me".

I have told dp but we'll chat properly later when he comes home. I think he and I both agree with pp who say that I don't KNOW anything for sure and there for telling Nick she cheated would be wrong.

Yes we were doing a bit of a walk-bus-taxi-train job as the journey isn't straightforward. So nobody was driving.

I would absolutely send BlackAmericanos texts. She's trying to control the narrative. Play her at her own game.

She called you her wing woman sober tho? She had intentions going there x

She did, my perception of this is that she sort of needs to "pull" in so far as, find a person who fancies her, in order to feel that she's had a good time. Whether she'd go beyond that though.....?