To ask for advice from anyone who has ADHD please?

[Celestia26]

Hi, posting for traffic really.

I am hoping to have advice from anyone who has ADHD or has children with the condition please?

I have for many years been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, panic attacks and depression. I have been on and off medication and have generally found antidepressants unhelpful and have dealt with the symptoms myself, and am 'coping' with my conditions.

Recently my nephew was diagnosed with ADHD and I read up about the condition in order to help my sister. However I was alarmed at the number of traits I exhibit which I always have put down to anxiety.

• Inability to concentrate.
• Lack of motivation.
• Difficulty sleeping.
• Inable to concentrate on a task for more than a few minutes without moving onto another usually halfway through.
• Not listening to people when they speak as my brain is trying to work out what they will say next, or thinking about something else entirely.
• I have many projects in the home I have started and never finished, after a burst of motivation the urge fizzles out and they just get left.
• My brain NEVER stops. In fact meditation and trying to practice mindfulness is actually 'painful' for me.
• The only thing that stops my brain from endlessly looping is either reading or watching television and this is usually how I am able to fall asleep.
• Poor time management and always rushing and running behind.
• I was 3 months premature and apparently premature birth is found in alot of people with ADHD.

I did speak to my doctor who generally shrugged it all off. I think with such a long history and diagnosis of anxiety and depression they are unwilling to consider anything else at this late stage.

I don't think I would want to go on medication for it anyway if I was diagnosed, but I was wondering if there are any useful techniques people have found useful in increasing focus and concentration? This is the thing that bothers me the most.

It may be that actually this doesn't sound like ADHD at all? I'm just a bit confused as to whether it could be?

Thanks!

But how it feels to live with someone who has ADHD?

SallyCinnamon have you any idea what they do if that's not possible? I have no school reports, and my mum is very unwell and not in a position to take part at all. There is no one they could discuss my childhood with except me

Do you work op? If you work somewhere big enough you’ll be able to access an assessment via occupational health. You just need to get your employer/line manager to agree to a workplace assessment to assess if you need any reasonable adjustments.

Misdiagnosis of adhd is v common. In both directions.

Pm me if you want a bit more info on workplace assessments.

My DH was diagnosed with ADHD in his 40's. He didn't do well on Ritalin and now takes Straterra.
I just accept it as part of him. He was the same all throughout our marriage. Doesn't annoy me anymore when he doesn't listen/ forgets things as I know he can't help it.

DD was initially assessed for ASD because she was the one who felt she had an underlying disability and felt very much she just didn't fit in. It was through that assessment which also included a computerised brain signal test that the ADHD (in her case ADD) was flagged. That's when all the triggers became blindingly obvious. The mild dyspraxia, the awful handwriting, the disorganised folders, the need to be reminded about homework and the struggle to stay focused and persist. There were always flashes of absolute brilliance but she never quite followed it through. I recall her headmistress saying at secondary transfer that if she was having a good day she'd get into a v selective school but you could nevercbe sure with her but the ability was there.

She had a lot of support and went to v good schools and did enough always to be top average but not remarkable. The problems came with juggling 11 GCSE's but no teacher ever raised a problem except to criticise her hand writing.

She transferred to the adult ADHD team locally (not easy) and they did ask for school reports which I had and you could by then track the handwriting comments, and see variable performance but because it varied from 6A/5A to 3A 5 A, 3B in reality it would not have been regarded as a problem without the self harm emerging. I often wonder if it would have been a problem 30 years ago when there was less academic pressure.

I certainly have traits but don't think I'd be diagnosed, principally because it never bothered me and I am ruthlessly organised with prep and lists. But I do misplace things and always have: keys, umbrellas, pens, notepads, etc.

For dd the diagnosis and ritalin have been godsends along with a reason.

Me! Sorry I haven't read the whole thread

I've been diagnosed 2 years and not been able to access medication yet. I would like to try it in the future.

In the meantime- learn as much about as many aspects of the condition as you possibly can. Russell Barkley talks on YouTube are astounding. They are ridiculously long but I listen to then while I'm catching up on cleaning or ironing. Once you understand where your weaknesses are likely to be you can compensate for them.

For example

I have an alarm which literally forces me out of bed as I can't turn it off until I scan the barcode on my toothpaste. Then I remember to brush my teeth too.

I hang bits of routine onto other bits of routine I can't avoid or forget. It works better than just trying to do the routine anyway.

I have lists stored on my computer/online with everything I've set up that's worked, so when it all falls apart I'm not reinventing the wheel.

I now recognise just how labour intensive planning and anticipating related activities are for me. So, again, if the work is likely to be useful to me in future I store it somewhere just in case.

I refuse to let the perfect be the enemy of the good. I allow myself to use shortcuts when I need to and remind myself the shortcut is much better than not doing the thing at all.

My entire life is on Google calendar which is on my phone, near constantly in my open browser tabs, runs reminders through my computer, etc.

I specifically buy easy to make "proper" food and avoid buying too much junk.

There are probably other things I do but that works for now.

And my anxiety is gone. Because I still fuck up but now it makes sense. Before it was like I just couldn't trust my own brain or psyche or self or whatever it was. Sometimes something would work but often it would just explode and I was completely unable to work out why so it seemed random. It's terrifying. That's what I tell people without ADHD now. If you were driving a car and sometimes when you turned the wheel, or pressed the brake or used the indicator it would work but sometimes it just randomly wouldn't work, it would be hugely dangerous. You couldn't drive it. But that was my brain. Sometimes I'd do things and they would just randomly not work.

Knowing where the weaknesses are in ADHD is like knowing oh, that indicator is funny when I'm using it to go left and it's a hill and it's Tuesday, so I had better indicate early or avoid hills on Tuesdays. Obviously ideally you'd get the car fixed but we're stuck with our brains. Medication can be like repairing those electrical connections in the car, though.

Op I am feeling exactly the same. I have felt like this for a long time but read a recent AMA on ADHD and am now convinced I have it and think dd (7) has it too.

I have been diagnosed with OCD and bi polar and do not feel I fit the BP criteria at all and that it's common to misdiagnose.

I have a ds (15) with Aspergers and a family history of ASD and 3 nieces/nephews with ASD and 2 with ADHD, definitely runs
In my family somewhere.

I'm going to tell you what I was advised.
Go and speak to your Gp and do not be fobbed off.

So many adults have slipped through the net and are struggling. It's sad.
When my ds was diagnosed 7 years ago I hardly knew anyone else in the same situation. Now I know so many.

Sounds flippant and is not meant to but it almost feels like an epidemic.
I have lots of friends with dc with ASD/ADHD/AS and I'm glad that it's being recognised and diagnosed but I'm mindful not to armchair diagnose myself which is easy to do these days.

When I look back from childhood, it all just makes sense.

To add- also diagnosed with anxiety and take propranolol and diazepam for that.

Thank you for all your responses, I feel like I could have written so many of these posts myself. The analogy of the malfunctioning car is particularly apt.

I didn’t know I had it until both my children were diagnosed with asd and one with adhd too. Subsequent reading was a bit devastating and like a lightbulb coming on. I never knew what “it” was but I knew there was something. The only time I every felt calm and organised was when I took a lot of amphetamines in my early twenties. They calmed me right down and made my head feel clear. Not a long term solution but I’m not alone in self medicating this way. Am also dyspraxic.
I can’t concentrate on watching tv ever but can read for hours. Everything feels labour intensive and I need my routines but I do cope. Until something new comes into the mix. I’ve never gone for the formal diagnosis but I know I have it. The book mentioned above is very very good.

Yes I don't really watch TV because I can't concentrate on it. On demand stuff sometimes, so I can pause it and take breaks when I get bored, but I am often playing a game on my phone and just listening I haven't watched a film in years - they are just too long and often predictable and boring.

Reading is hit and miss for me. I used to read constantly when I was younger but I have really struggled to make the transition from young adult fiction to fiction written for adults. So I read a lot of non fiction for a while but then sometimes it feels a bit too much like trying to study and I can't take in what the book is saying. I've got quite into "true life story" stuff like stories of what it's like to be a police officer, GP, teacher, foster carer etc but I really struggle to read stories. I find that a lot of them are annoyingly pretentious, or have characters who just don't come across as believable or I think the worst which frustrates me no end is when they jump around in timeline constantly - I hate that - I just want to know what happened in what order, I don't want to have to keep track of what was last Tuesday and what was tomorrow afternoon, it's too much concentration required.

I really miss reading though and it makes me quite sad but I just can't find books I want to read.

DH is very, very patient. I don't really know how he copes with me But I like that he appreciates me for who I am. He said the other day "I know your brain is scattered, but at least it works fast".

I didn't have my school reports by the time I got assessed. Irritating actually because I know what they said and they backed everything up (Bright but daydreams too much, lots of potential if she focused, participates well in class, needs to be more consistent with homework) - I had thrown them all away in a rare fit of decluttering when I moved country. My mum wasn't around but did fill in a questionnaire but I think it was just a box tick - they mostly spoke to me and they spoke to DH a little on the phone as well.

My symptoms all go back to childhood but never really caused serious problems for me until the scaffolding of childhood was taken away. It didn't matter that I had a messy bedroom - but social services and your landlord care if you have a dangerously messy house. I ate regularly when somebody else made dinner for me, but once I was on my own I'd live off biscuits for days. You don't forget to go to school or birthday parties or whatever when your parents are the ones who take you, but I have forgotten to go to work and social occasions when I am the one responsible for getting myself there. Etc, etc. I did brilliantly at school up until the point that teachers stopped breaking tasks down into manageable chunks and explaining that we should do them one at a time. I never developed that skill passively (this is how most people do learn skills) so I fell behind. And I was bright enough that the difficulties I did have lower down in school were all masked, even when my grades started slipping nobody really twigged because they were all still higher than average. It was only when I was looking back at school stuff for evidence that I found my year 10 mock GCSE grades and my actual year 11 GCSE grades were almost identical. That should never happen, because you're supposed to make a year of progress. I was astounded, looking at that, that nobody had noticed. But I still got As, Bs and Cs so I suppose I was still in the top stream and it didn't really stand out.

But other signs were there - never fitting in socially, losing things, being easily distracted, constantly a mess, etc. I'm not hyperactive and never have been, the inattentive type is apparently harder to spot, because the behaviours are not as problematic (only to the person with the disorder).

It was when I went to FE college at 16 that I started to seriously struggle with everything - the environment was so much less structured that I couldn't cope with it at all. Yet everybody else coped. It was the randomness thing - it didn't make sense. I didn't know why I could do a brilliant project one week and just totally fuck everything off the next. My teachers were baffled and angry with me (they thought I was being lazy) - I thought I was probably being lazy too but I didn't know how not to be - my "car" just wasn't working properly but I didn't have any idea why.

Then everything was basically one disaster after another after that until I met DH - he stabilises me. I have got so much better at coping now that I know what I'm dealing with, but I don't think I'd manage without him, which is a bit scary TBH.