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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Ask the Police for Advice Ref Snapchat?

60 replies

Oxfordblue · 11/08/2018 07:47

Posting here for traffic...
My dd (15) was in tears last night because a boy a year old has been asking her to send photos of herself to him. Dd sent a clothed pic (no head) if her & to stop him hassling her.

She was quite hysterical yesterday so I'm not sure if I've got all the story, but he is at a different school & 'is Friends' with another girl at DD's school. This boy is threatening to send it to this girl & my DD is worried that she'll show people at her school.

Dd never tells me anything, so this is big deal for her & she's asking me to go to the police.

What's the best way forward with this? AIBU to ask the police for advice? We have a station quite close, so not 999 or 111.

OP posts:
WeWantJustice · 11/08/2018 08:37

No you are NBU the little shit is blackmailing her and already using his porn-fuelled privilege to abuse females

I've so had enough of a society which gives males carte blanche to abuse females from their teenage years

littletike · 11/08/2018 08:38

Call 101 for advice as I'm sure I've seen something in the news recently that this is now illegal along with other abuse... Also as she's under 18 it's illegal in the sense it's sharing pictures of a child I think...

Moody123 · 11/08/2018 08:39

What an awful boy !
Let be honest, it's probably a naked photo. I would speak to your daughter and clarify what the photo is of. Let her know that she is now to blame here she is a victim of a horrible crime, but she has to be careful of online photos ect ...
Ring 101 when you have all the details and go from there. I wouldn't contact the boy until after you've gotten advice from 101 ...

Just a side note, please please don't get angry at her, she probably feels hurt enough and this will make her learn her lesson and be punishment enough ... she has to know you support and love her and she can come to you with anything and you will be there to help her sort it out no matter how messy 💕

PitchBlackNight · 11/08/2018 08:39

.

Thatsfuckingshit · 11/08/2018 08:39

I would speak to the police.

You dealing with it may not work.

Police turning up will have a far bigger effect. He needs to know badgering women for nude photos and blackmailing them is not fucking on.

RachelAnneJ · 11/08/2018 08:41

I suspect she wasn't clothed in the picture.

I actually think I would go straight to the Police with this one rather than attempt to speak to the parents first. There is a really nasty undertone - do what I want or else I'll distribute the photo. Who knows how long he'd hold it over her for?

plominoagain · 11/08/2018 08:43

There are actually a couple of offences here . There’s malicious communications , if he’s making threats to send the picture about even if it’s fully clothed , also possibly harassment offences could be considered if he gets a warning and continues to do it . If it turns out that it’s a naked picture , then as of about 2015 , there was a new offence regarding ‘revenge porn ‘ which was

Revenge Porn is the sharing of private, sexual materials, either photos or videos, of another person without their consent and with the purpose of causing embarrassment or distress.

Either way , a call on 101 and getting him reported would be a good idea .

FATEdestiny · 11/08/2018 08:43

It's blackmail. Phone the 101 for the police.

Your daughter needs to know you will protect her.

FlamingGusset · 11/08/2018 08:44

OP, if she has an iPhone the picture may still be in her deleted photos folder. Normally pictures go there once deleted and then disappear after 30 days or so.

Ironmanrocks · 11/08/2018 08:44

There are ways to get these images removed from off the web so don't panic. Call the police - this is what they are there for. Good luck.

Flaskfan · 11/08/2018 08:46

The other issue is his reactionto her not wanting to speak to him. How fucking dare he demand she respond? It's an out and out power trip which, as his mother, would massively concern me. Makes me so angry.

BonfiresOfInsanity · 11/08/2018 08:53

I would contact the police, this boy is guilty of several offences which they would definitely be interested in.

SugarandVinegar · 11/08/2018 08:56

He's tried to coerce your daughter - it's obv he expected your dd to send a naked pic, op.
This youth feels humiliated that
she sent him a run of the mill pic so he's trying bully boy tactics with the apology threat.
For his own good if nothing else he
needs to be given the fright of his life - def refer to the police.

TidyDancer · 11/08/2018 08:56

I agree with the majority on here. Straight to the police with this. The little shit needs to be dealt with.

jocarter67 · 11/08/2018 08:59

I think you need to ask the police for advice, he is blackmailing her and that’s against the law. My worry is that, unless he is warned, this may well carry on, if she has sent a naked picture of her bum, she must tell you the truth, I’m a bit worried if she hasn’t, why is she so hysterical, unless that’s how her mh comes out. I wonder has this happen before? Has this boy bullied her before? Or is he just trying it on. Either way if she’s that upset then it needs to be dealt with immediately

GunpowderGelatine · 11/08/2018 09:05

Your poor DD. Police, today!

ImAIdoot · 11/08/2018 09:12

You need to make it crystal clear, right now, that you don't care how explicit the photos are, you don't care what has been said or how explicit it is, there is no way she will be in trouble for it she gets a get out of jail free card, and that if she wants she can be moved to another school if need be, and mean it. That if there have been threats of physical harm to her family or friends you will deal with that, too. That things posted online to defame young girls can and will be taken down and dealt with via the sites in question or the ISPs because new laws exist to enable that. That there is nothing she can have done you can't get past and nothing that the blackmailer can do that you won't make them pay for or handle another way.

This blackmailing by another person of their own age is sadly often a part of the grooming process and opens them up to other things - gangs, adults behind the scenes you name it. She needs to know that you will handle consequences no matter what they are, and that she can tell you it all.

If you can go to the police with what you find, do so because these people do it to other children. Do not discount the possibility there is more you haven't been told and they still have their hooks in your DD, especially if she gives you assurances and wants to move on and drop it without any action

Storminateapot · 11/08/2018 09:13

Definitely police. This is very concerning behaviour on his part. He's starting down the path of an abuser, if it's stamped on hard now it might save some other girl/woman from far worse. Let him get away with it & he'll ramp it up next time.

Fatted · 11/08/2018 09:19

Get the full story from your daughter first. Reassure her she's not in trouble, but you need to know the truth. Once you know the full story, go to the police.

Passmethecrisps · 11/08/2018 09:20

Your poor dd. Just to say it is possible that she would become hysterical even if the pics were entirely mundane. She knows what this means and where this could head - that’s what she is scared of. I have dealt with this many, many times in a professional capacity and it can be the fear andpanic which makes them react.

I agree with all the posters suggesting police involvement. If she is calm enough, as her to tell you the story again. But if she can’t it may be that the police are more able to help as they will possible have experienced officers.

AnnaMagnani · 11/08/2018 09:23

Police. He'll do it again, or more likely this isn't the first time he's done it.

choli · 11/08/2018 09:25

She's lying to you about the photo. Get a copy of it first, then make a plan of action.

WhyDoesItAlways · 11/08/2018 09:48

I would call the police. It is entirely irrelevant if she was dressed or not in the actual photo she sent. He has been harassing her to send him photos - likely naked ones. Even if no offences have occurred yet the police can give advice to your daughter about use of Snapchat/social media to protect herself and may well speak to the boy involved to provide him with advice and inform of the consequences of what he is doing.

I can assure you the police have dealt with lots of similar incident and will not think you are wasting their time.

PotteryLady · 11/08/2018 09:57

It's blackmail and the police will take it seriously.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/08/2018 09:57

Bless her. Sad. What a bully. You’ve had some great advice on here to stand up to him and get him to stop. He needs to know your daughter has legal rights.

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