I just fucked up so badly

[HoldingOutForAutumn]

Literally hate my ADHD brain. I put everything off to the last minute. I make careless mistakes. Blah blah blah.

See my thread this morning about this amazing course/ job I found. I finally managed to submit my application with minutes to spare.

Well there was two opportunities, both highly competitive.

The last one; I've spent all night perfecting my personal statement. Finish it all and go to submit to UCAS. It asks me if I'm sure I want to submit without attachments. I see that there are multiple application forms I have to submit; the personal statement isn't even needed.

I quickly email them, not thinking and lying saying it won't let me attach the files. I wish I just told them the truth. I've never used my ADHD as an excuse before, but it would have been better than bloody computer problems. There's no way they'll let me submit tomorrow, is there? Especially as I've submitted a (really good) personal statement, so disregarding the instructions.

They won't be in until Monday at the earliest, so I'm not sure if it's even worth spending the day doing the application forms tomorrow and emailing them in?

The other one is the one I really want, but both have 200 applicants for 20 places, so I've halfed my chances.

Can't stop crying. This opportunity would have changed mine and my DDs life. I wish my brain worked normally. Even medicated, I still can't function like a normal person.

Not at all esk1mo. Factual comments from someone with ADHD, which you clearly don't know anything about, but highlights the problems us with ADHD suffer on a daily basis of being misunderstood by those ignorant of the condition.

The other one is the one I really want, but both have 200 applicants for 20 places, so I've halfed my chances.
Give it your best shot by submitting everything.
I was sure I had blown it on an interview once and when they hired me over a month later they apologized for taking so long but they had over 900 applications for 12 positions.
Don't cry till after you have done everything you can to get the job you want. Then let all the frustrations out.

I'm waiting for assessment for ADHD, and in the process of fucking my life up at the moment as I just can't seem to meet any deadlines for anything, my life is chaos.

Can they really give people with ADHD a medication that helps, as an adult?

I usually manage my time very well, and am able to organise multiple responsibilities effectively

I can't imagine ever being able to say this. Is it really possible?

Do you mind if I ask what medication you're on?

@MovingThisYearHopefully, not helpful!

Painted, mediation can help but the assessments take forever and shared care arrangements etc can become nightmarish, then if yiu start or continue self funding the medication it can cost eye watering sums per month just to function like a normal human.

I'd say some medication regimes would get people functioning pretty well, in addition to other non medical strategies, but it may take a lot of trial and error with the medication. I've had one that's worked very well but dose needs adjustment every now and then, some that have turned me into a glazed over zombie, one that gave me endless crippling abdominal pain and side effects and one that seemed to cause some kind of seizure episode.. there can be supply problems in the UK of some of them and tiresome questions at the pharmacy.. if something does work it's important to take it as properly as you can rather than ad lib it which again isn't my strong point. So, yes medication can really really help but takes some work getting to the one that's best for you.

Please excuse typos!

Genuine question, what distinguishes a formal diagnosis of ''ADHD'' from someone who's just careless, disorganised, unreliable and flaky?

Go you with your 'genuine question' jem

Being judgey and nasty on this thread about someone who is managing their life with ADHD doesn't get cancelled out by you prefixing it with "genuine question". You don't care, you just want a snidely dig.

OP send the info through again and then put it to the back of your mind for a couple of days. Easy to say, but try not to be harsh on yourself. You've done the best you can.

Medication is proven to help 80% of people with ADHD including adults. The OP clearly finds it helpful owing to her distress at being less functioning while it has currently worn off.

OP I'm glad you have found a way forward and been able to resubmit the application. I do things like this all the time as well and it really gets me down. FGS I'm currently sitting on an application for a graphics apprenticeship thing I learned about several months ago, 90% done but I hit a stupid roadblock with it and keep putting it off some more. I am diagnosed but can't have medication as I am pregnant and I am really hoping that a doctor will see me and prescribe when breastfeeding, otherwise it could be easily another 3-5 years due to the way timing has worked out with our family planning. I am slightly afraid that I will be pinning all my hopes on medication only for it not to work for me at the end if that's the case and I'll be gutted. I'm even looking into neurofeedback at the moment in case that's something which will help. Well, I say I'm looking into it - I have vaguely heard of it and I might get back into contact with the place which does it at some point in the next decade

I'm sure you won't drop out of the course, universities are really good at supporting these things nowadays as you mentioned. Probably even better than schools somehow. Your application sounds positive and it doesn't sound completely implausible that you've had tech issues, so I'm sure that won't be an issue. Good luck with it all.

Jemihap, maybe the difference is that the person who is 'just careless, disorganised, unreliable and flakey' just hasn't been diagnosed with ADHD yet - apparently actually about 5% of the population have ADHD! These are all words that people might use to describe people with ADHD and how they might describe themselves because they compare themselves to others who just seem to be able to function normally with ease.
A few years ago I had to read about diagnosis of ADHD in adults for something for work, everything I read I thought wow that sounds just like me, but I don't have ADHD, I'm just disorganised and lazy, and it's normal to only revise for exams the night before or start coursework the day before the deadline isn't it??
What convinced me that I might have ADHD was when I read about hyperfocus - when people with ADHD are doing something they are interested in and enjoy they hyperfocus on it - for example a woman with ADHD at her desk at home doing a project for work was unaware that her house was burning down around her, fire alarm going off etc, and was found there by the fire brigade completely unaware that there was a problem - most people might read this and think 'how could that happen?!', I read it and thought 'that could be me!', I told my DH and he also reacted by saying 'that could actually happen to you' - the hyperfocus is actually the thing that annoys DH the most, even more than constantly being interrupted, or me being late for everything!! I'd never met anyone else who hyper focuses like I do before and thought it was just something abnormal about me.
It was sort of liberating to have an explanation for a lot of the things that I think negatively about myself about - being lazy, disorganised etc.
I haven't tried to get a diagnosis though - I'm self employed and work in a variety of places and frequently in new places so this keeps on top of the restlessness, if I ever had to take a job working in just one place I might have to try to be diagnosed though. I do sometimes wonder if life could be much easier if I did get a diagnosis and medication though - a bit like when I was quite anaemic when I was pregnant but didn't realise just how bad I was feeling and how hard everything had got, until I started on iron tablets and felt amazing by about a week later because I wasn't so short of breath, dizzy and fatigued etc!

Sorry for derailing your thread a bit OP by replying to Jemihap, just realised it's a long post too! It sounds like you've got a good plan sorted already though, good luck!!

The reason for the reply to Jemihap is that although she might just be being judgey and nasty to OP, it's possible maybe she is also being judgey and nasty to herself?? - if those are words that you would use about yourself Jemihap and have been since childhood maybe think about whether you might have ADHD too? The difference between a formal diagnosis or not might be only that - a formal diagnosis!

Take a deep breath. Do the “sent through again due to IT issues email” and then call on Monday. Call whichever number you have an explain (about the IT issues - this is your given reason and you must stick to it like glue) and if you’re not talking to the right person, ask for the number of the right person. Don’t be fobbed off with “you’ve emailed so it’s fine”. Part of getting to talk to the right person in a large company is the polite, cheerful and reasonable insistence that of course you can be transferred.

Reading this thread with a sense of dawning realisation. A friend who is an Ed psych asked me if I had ADHD recently and despite DS being diagnosed with it, it never occurred to me that I may have it too. Especially as I've never been 'hyper' (though I didn't sleep much until I was 4, driving my mother into severe post natal depression/exhaustion). But the more I read the more I think OMG that's me... I just thought I was crap, lazy, disorganised and must have some weird deep seated psychological issue which caused me to self sabotage.

I got through school purely because I was bright, homework and projects were not done or done at the very last possible second. Uni was a similar thing - stay up all night doing essays last second, missing deadlines etc. I have always got by at work by sheer dumb luck as I cannot organise my time at all. I'm fine if I there are set processes/procedures to follow, but set me free on my own to organise something - I'm a nightmare! I could never be self employed, I was for a few months once and racked up fines for late filing penalties, couldn't plan my time...

So I do wonder. And now I feel daft for never even considering it. Is it worth investigating a diagnosis at almost 42?

Mummy you were a lot more patient than me, and your insights are invaluable. Perhaps it hit a raw nerve and the PP could have been clearer about the context of those harsh, judgemental words and what place they have on this thread, especially as the OP is the person who's struggling here, and it's her thread.

Roomba, I think it's not uncommon for adults to be diagnosed after their children have been as there was just less awareness of it when we were growing up. I think whether you investigate a diagnosis now maybe depends on whether you would take medication or not. I feel like I've been quite lucky too and drifted through life okay and am now fairly accepting of myself as I am. Although I think my ADHD traits maybe have more of an impact on other people than they do on me so I don't think I would have reason enough to take medication as my life is at the moment.
I'm fairly certain my brother has ADHD and that it's had a far greater impact on him and his life, I feel a bit sad for him that he wasn't diagnosed when he was a child as he's now in his 30s, but I do wonder if he would still benefit from medication now.