Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at OH?

11 replies

emma2939 · 10/08/2018 19:08

Hi all

Been with OH 11 years now we have 2 DC together. I have been a SAHM for two years now and really want to get back to work, I had an interview for a job the other day (first interview in over a year) and was told I would hear the outcome Friday afternoon (today) my partner was working. I received an email saying that I didn't get the job even tho I was told I would receive a phone call sometime in the afternoon. He was an hour late home, and told me he had nipped into his old work place to talk to someone. I was slightly annoyed but said nothing (he knew I was expecting the call this afternoon so expected him home straight away so I could take the call in peace and quiet, without two DCs and eldest had a friend round) then he's home ten mins I ask how his day was, and nothing, he doesn't ask if I've heard back from the job.So I inform him I didn't get the job. He sympathises then quickly moves on about his own job and soon to be career move. I feel this was slightly insensitive given that I was very upset at not getting the job. I go for a shower come down then explain how upset I am he didn't bother to ask me how my interview outcome went, I had to inform him. He has seen me mope and cry and become lonely and desperate for work, it's something very important to me, I feel I have lost myself and miss the social aspect of working. He states he just forgot and moved on.
We ended up arguing, he's had a dilemma in his own job lately and I have literally spent hours sitting discussing it with him going over all options and scenarios and helped him make a decision. I mentioned the other week I helped him go doctors over work related stress he laughed and said I did F* all to help (I rang n made the appt, dropped kids with my mum to go with him n bloody spoke to the doctor with him!) yet when I was pregnant n had anxiety he didn't even come an appointment with me!! I'm so sick of his selfish behaviour!!
Aibu to seriously consider re evaluating who I'm sharing my life with here?

OP posts:
flowerpicture · 10/08/2018 19:15

With all due respect, it's just one interview... Most working adults have had a lot of them.

Saying that, I do understand your frustration. If he knew it really mattered to you, then he should've shown some kind of interest. I think you are BU about considering your entire marriage over it though...

Sirzy · 10/08/2018 19:18

I’m not sure what else he was supposed to do with regards the interview? It’s hardly something that could lead to a long discussion is it?

madcatladyforever · 10/08/2018 19:19

He sounds like most blokes - a selfish shit. But then I don't like men so I probably shouldn't comment.

GreasyFryUp · 10/08/2018 19:19

If he's regularly putting himself first and not even thinking about your life (and it sounds like he is) then I don't think you are BU about re-evaluating the relationship at all.

ShumpaLumpa · 10/08/2018 19:20

YANBU. No more helping him with his job / stress.

He's selfish. When he starts about his job, tell him 'I'm stressed about my job prospects, I don't have the headspace to listen to your job problems.'

Storm4star · 10/08/2018 19:22

To be honest I have found this with most partners i’ve had. Their interest in things that are important to me is superficial at best, yet i’m meant to support them through everything. It’s one reason i’m currently single and may well stay that way!

I can see why you’re upset but sadly I don’t think it will change and I don’t think it’s that uncommon either.

Frustratedboarder · 10/08/2018 19:33

I'm with madcatlady and storm - their parts made me snort! 😂 - most blokes Definitely do seem to be selfish and self absorbed whilst expecting continual support and ego stroking... I live in hope I can change mine!! I actually blame his mother who even now, when he shows Zero interest in her or his dad's life and Never gets in touch, still treats him like the prodigal Prince every time we see them... If you can be arsed to constantly pull him on it it Does work eventually! Or it might not 🙄 heck, you decide!

emma2939 · 10/08/2018 19:36

Thanks all for your opinions, yes maybe I was a bit OTT about interview but I think it was just the final thing in a list of things he has done that made me blow n think u r so selfish!! I agree nothing more to be said about said interview etc I just feel he will happily talk for hours over something in respect to himself and quick one sentence answers with anything for me then move on. X

OP posts:
Seniorschoolmum · 10/08/2018 19:37

I can see why it’svery Important to you op,but it’s also only one interview. And it will take a few to get a job. I think this is misconception more than anything else.

GeorgeIII · 10/08/2018 19:37

You should spell out to him what you expect and how worried you are. I’m sure there are men who will worry about their spouses probs and be there with support but I don’t think I know any.
So tell him you are really upset then he might be kinder.

RightyHoChaps · 10/08/2018 22:19

Based on just those two incidents, I'd say it's a bit of an overreaction.

However.

I spent 10 years with someone who sounds very similar. He did it every fucking day. Whinge about his work to me, constant negative Nancy. His work always took precedence. His feelings were always so much more valid because he was intelligent and in an intelligent job. He was always right. It was always everyone else. Didn't matter if I made suggestions. They were wrong.

He had no respect for me, my experiences or my opinions. And I put up with it for so much longer than I should have.

If everything else is okay OP, and he's not really done this alot before then cut it down to a bit of a rough time. If you're like I was (there were many more things wrong)... well... have a good think.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread