Best Friend Break Up

[caligulol]

My husband and I are TTC. AF is currently 11 days late. I'm about to leave the country for a month and so I go out for one last blast with my friends before I go. Towards the end of the evening I'm sitting outside in the beer garden with some of my buddies, and my best friend's husband comes out so he can smoke his vape. Of course this ends up being a crazy issue for my friend - she can't believe he left her inside the pub alone. I think this is over dramatic and her response (just flat out screaming at him) definitely over the top, but w/e. Rationality isn't her strong point. Time passes, they kiss and make up, and then head home.

I live about 20 miles away from the city, she lives about 5 mins away. As I'm getting ready to head home myself she calls me and offers me the spare room for the night. I've not had a chance to talk to her about the fact AF is late, so I triple check that all is okay with her and her OH before accepting the invitation.

So I get there and after a while I get around to telling her. She immediately produces some tests and gets me to take them. I'm like 80% certain that the first one comes up positive, she disagrees and says its inconclusive. No big deal, there's another one to check. I don't even get to see it, though - she looks, proclaims it's either negative or inconclusive, and throws it out. Weird, but whatever.

The night goes on, she falls asleep on the sofa so me and her OH just chill and watch some TV (we both work nights so have screwed up body clocks). Out of nowhere she wakes up and immediately starts screaming at him - neither of us are sure why, or what the catalyst is. Me being me - hormones? Stress? - just loose it a little bit, and tell her that I'm sick of sitting and watching them fight whenever I see them. She's taken aback - how very DARE I stand up for her husband when he's clearly been The Worst Person Ever all evening. Which he hasn't. She kicks me out of the house, but as I'm gathering my crap together (this is approx 3am) she just comes at me. Thankfully her husband is on the ball and immediately steps in to keep her off me. I leave, call the police (if she ever attempts to do anything like this again I figured it's important to have a police reference number, and at this stage I'm genuinely concerned that her husband may need it in the future).

I'm not daft - that is not a person that I ever want to associate with again, which sucks because we've been friends since primary school. I guess I'm just worried that calling the police was a bit of overkill. Also - am I being stupid thinking that there's a chance this kicked off because those tests were positive rather than inconclusive/negative? Is it a bit full of myself to think that if that is the case her issue is more along the lines of all her friends are 'growing up' and having families while her OH has always made it clear that he doesn't want a family?

Sorry for the essay, any advice or whatever is much appreciated!

If you did a test yourself and saw the result, it might make her behaviour clearer. If it’s positive, she may well be jealous.
If it was in fact negative/inconclusive then I’m not sure what was bothering her!

I've taken two since, one was negative (though it wasn't FMU and I'd been drinking ALL of the water that day) and the other was a faulty test - just came up completely white as if the absorbant strip had run out during production. I'll grab some more tests tonight on my way in to work though - but if I am pregnant and her response was to come at me like that then it just kinda makes the situation that little bit worse :/

She sounds like she's got huge issues going on!
I hope it is positive for you ...and that the 'friend ' hasn't ruined what should be a wonderful time for you x

To be honest I wouldn’t care about the reasons for her behaviour. She sounds unpleasant and attention-seeking. You’re well rid.

Good luck with TTC.

Why did she have two tests in the house? I only ever had them when I was TTC. Maybe she had her own shit going on.

BUT SHE SOUNDS LIKE A NIGHTMARE ANYWAY SO RUN

Even without fmu I would have though a 11 days late would show up tbh. It's weird how you have had 4 that were inconclusive or didn't work. Also weird how she had tests at her home. Haven't you seen this sort of behaviour in her before? This all seems very odd to me.

She was BU, it's good you called the police.

But why tell her about late period when you know she is struggling with watching all her friends having families and her OH doesn't want them?

He is right not to have DC with her, she sounds unstable here. But I think you were insensitive to tell her about your late period.

She is a nightmare - when I finally got home my husband was not even slightly surprised when I outlined the situation to him. Her husband ended up sitting on the street with me while I waited for the police, and all I could see in him was this completely defeated person.

I know she's having a bit of a hard time herself, she's being tested for Lupus at the moment and of course it's stressing her out hugely - though since that's been going on if any little thing happens she'll fly off the handle and refuse to accept responsibility for her actions, blaming the possibility of her having Lupus for her behaviour. Which, I might add, is practically identical to how she's been for the past 20+ years I've known her.

I totally get that having a family is something she wants, but I know that this is a relatively recent desire of hers. In regards to why she had the tests - I just assumed she kept a supply just in case (I know I do!).

I'm definitely not going to try and fix anything with her, it's just too much stress and effort. I'm genuinely sad that her husband (who is a fair whack younger than us) is probably going to be getting a fair amount of the blame for the whole thing. Their relationship is clearly very one sided, and he's an absolute Saint for the way he keeps his head when she goes off at him. Unfortunately when he's suggested going to any sort of therapy or counselling she's lost her mind at him - I've received texts from her in the past telling me about how she's walking around the city in the middle of the night to get away from him because he's trying to get her to get help.

SO MANY red flags, just kinda wish I wasn't such a shut in and had put my time into cultivating healthier friendships :/

Yeah, I get that it could well have been insensitive, though I think that this is the first time I've ever needed to freak out over something as life changing as a possible child. I've sat and listened to her talk about her issues many a time without it being an issue - a while ago my husband and I had some intimacy issues and hadn't had sex in probably 13 months, which she knew, but still would phone me crying because her husband hadn't initiated sex for a fortnight. Very hard to bite my lip there, but I did and I offered her all of the support that I could. Obviously it's apples and oranges, but relationships are supposed to be two way.

I'd be worried about her MH, tbh. She's clearly unbalanced and needs help.

Weirdo. Leave her. Get another friend.

Why did she have pregnancy tests if she isn’t ttc?

Suggests a recent “scare” maybe?

As far as I know she always keeps a couple in the house. To be honest I didn't think twice about it - I always have a pack in my medicine tin.

If you have to call the police about your friend behaviour, I’d say it’s adios time

She sounds like she may have been on drugs tbch

She sounds truly awful and you are well rid of her.

But her poor bloke, he is in an abusive relationship isn't he, and he may well need you and your dh for support in times to come. Don't abandon him to his fate.

I’m confused as to why someone who doesn’t want children has pregnancy tests at home?
Also, it does sound like she needs professional help, which by the sounds of it she doesn’t want.
Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind, and if her behaviour is so erratic and possibly threatening (with possibility of really hurting herself or someone else/partner) she can (if deemed necessary) be sectioned.

I adore her OH, he's a genuinely good person and both me and mine would never close our door to him. I've had terrible relationships in the past and definitely can see the abusive behavior coming from her, but I know there's nothing that can be done to help other than being there if and when he needs it.

I had a friend who had MH issues and would randomly walk the streets at night to get away from her mum, she was picked up by police and sectioned. It was definitely the right thing for her.

Sounds like she got severe mental health problems. Just leave her to it and let go of the friendship. She needs counselling and mental health support. You cant be having friends attacking you!
Concentrate instead on yourself and your relationship and other friends.

Probably not the most pressing part of the story, however if you keep a tin of pregnancy tests at home, and you’re a week and a half late, I’m very surprised you haven’t been doing them with first morning wee at home for the last few days. Surely that would be the nest way to know for sure?

Fair question! I had one left at home and I took it the day I was supposed to come on. Since then I've basically not had the chance to get to a shop that sells them - husband bought the last box in the corner shop yesterday, one came back with a blank screen and the other was negative (though I had been drinking ALL of the water beforehand).