To not spend the day with my children?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

I have two children, a 4 year old and a baby who is just about to turn 1.

The baby is a pretty horrendous sleeper, usually up 2-3 times a night and I’m generally pretty tired most days. I’ve not long started back at work, doing 13 hour shifts, and doing so on continued nights of broken sleep has started to break me down a little.

Last night was particularly bad with four wakings and so DH took the baby downstairs at 6.30am and I went back to bed until 9am.

I’m up now (10am) but I still feel so tired and I have an awful headache. I just generally feel really run down.

We were supposed to be going out as a family today to visit two Attractions and DH has said he’ll take the children on his own so I can stay home and get some more rest.

His idea sounds lovely but my 4 year old keeps asking me to come and saying “please mommy, please” whilst looking at me with his big blue eyes.

Part of me wants to go to enjoy the day as a family but the other part of me thinks I won’t enjoy it anyway because of how shattered I feel and just wants to crawl into bed.

The thought of spending the day surrounded by noise and crowds, walking around for hours on end to then come back home, have another broken night’s sleep with the baby, work 13 hour shifts on both Saturday and Sunday, with another night of broken sleep between them too, just fills me with dread

I don’t know what to do. I feel like I should suck it up and just go to make my 4 year old happy but at the same time I feel like I’m on the road to burning out and that a quiet day at home on my own would do me the world of good.

I just don’t know what to do.
Why is there so much guilt attached to parenting?

Your 4 year old won't understand how tired you are. He won't even remember this tomorrow probably.

Would you rather end up ill? Get some sleep.

Children are absolutely terrific at making you feel terrible about this stuff. My 6 year old was crying and holding onto me last night because DH and I were going out and leaving her with ( doting) grandparents. The last time he and I went out was in June. Your DH is fine with it and I imagine your DS will have a wonderful time - let them crack on and enjoy your time off next week

Yes, you need to rest. They'll enjoy themselves. Every weekday afternoon of the holidays the DC go to holiday club. I get time to go to Sainsbury's, then chill with a soft drink and MN, with relaxation sounds playing on my phone.

He’s now just told me how much he’s going to miss me.

I told him that where he was going was very exciting and he would have a lovely time. His response was that he can never be excited about going anywhere if I’m not going to be there to. FFS

Kids!

Sleep. Had a child who was up and down all night and worked 12 he night shifts. It nearly killed me and contributed massively to the breakdown of the marriage as DH never had DS on his own. He said he couldn’t “handle him”

Sleep then maybe look at turn taking with dad so each of you gets a full nights sleep but some ear plugs to help the sleeper. Promise your LO a day next time when dad can have a catch up.

Sleep. Kids will be fine once they are out. Promise a family tea and board game when they are back.

He will cope! Honestly, you are not sending him down a mine, you have other things to do together to look forward to and IT IS OK FOR YOUR NEEDS TO COME FIRST OCCASIONALLY

you need to hold firm boundaries though in this, you are tired, sometimes your needs have to come first, he's having a lovely treat with his dad.

Defo go back to bed!
No point pushing on until you literally do break.

Also, is your DH able to do all the night feeds / wakings on one day at the weekend?

Enjoy your day of rest! Your son will have a great time.

Kids are masters of emotional blackmail. My niece came to mine for a sleepover so her parents could get some rest. She was sobbing her heart out when I went to pick her up and dragged out her goodbyes, guilt tripping her parents.

As soon as we drove off she was fine and by the time we got to mine she was laughing and joking! I sent a pic as proof to my DS & DBIL as they’d never have believed the change in her otherwise.

Stay at home 10000%! And enjoy!! You deserve a break. You will be a better momma once you are rested and refreshed!

Op

Allow yourself to imagine the scene. You say goodbye to the children and do. You close the door. You crawl in to bed, you sleep and sleep. You get up for a quiet lunch on your own, catch up on some tv/ reading, then more sleep. Then a bath.
Then family home to a rejuvenated happy engaged mum

Stay home!

I’ve packed them off with a kiss and I’m now watching a film and eating some jam sandwiches

He’s guilt tripping you and he will have a lovely time.

When ds was 3 we went out for a very rare evening out leaving dc with my parents. When we got home he was up and had Ben for some time. He gave me a hard look and said, ‘Don’t ever go out again.’

Luckily I managed to ignore that. They really know how to press your buttons.

Good for you, OP! Have a lovely day.

Very good. Enjoy. They’ll be able to tell you all about it, later!

Think of it as a lesson to your children. It's important to take time for yourself when you need it.

What’s a rest lol, I have 2 a year a part in age so when I went back to work it was hard going ex worked 7 shifts I worked 2 long shift on his days off I was still bf ds4 ds3 couldn’t walk yet and I have 2 older sons too. If your husband is happy to take them then do it, my kids are very close to their dad due to him being there when I work as I do nights and days. Take rest where you can get it, if you’ve got a pressurised job you need to be able to rest, (I’m a nurse so no use to anyone when shattered) look after yourself

Glad to read you sent them off for the day! Hope you enjoyed your jam sandwiches and get a chance to fully recharge your batteries today.

Do you and your DH share the wake ups, or do they all fall to you? Because if you are both working it isn’t fair if only one of you does them. Perhaps you could do alternate nights so you both get a full nights sleep every other day? Or one goes to bed early and the other does wake-ups til they go to bed or up til day 1am, then the other does 1am til the morning? Just depends if coursw in what time you get up for work and which would work better for you!

I have the benefit of hindsight. Please - look after yourself. It’s important. Like why they say in an aeroplane- put on your own oxygen mask first before your child’s. It’s vreat you have a partner that will take them. Make another date with your 4 year old. Have a sleep and plan a nice dinner for when he gets back ( after a long lovely rest)