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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Temporary tattoos on a child - WWYD

24 replies

missbehaving1000 · 09/08/2018 23:40

Hi all, posting on here for traffic to get as widest point of view as possible.

Open for all kinds of opinions Smile

My daughter is 3, coming on 4. Suffered from severe eczema since birth. Her skincare is prescribed, down to her bath water additives, ointments, steroids etc.

Never deviated from that to stay on the safe side.

She went to her fathers one weekend, and came home looking like she'd had a reaction of some sort which resulted in her face becoming inflamed and swollen. She was scratching like mad too.
Turns out she'd had make up applied by her half sibling which I wasn't happy about.

My AIBU is... my mum looks after my daughter whilst I work. Today, I picked my daughter up from my mother who was visiting a friend. She was covered in temporary tattoos which I discovered my mums friends daughter applied.

I'm pissed off because a) I wasn't consulted about her having fake tattoos applied b) it was the day I was dropping my daughter round to her father (and we don't get on - court ordered etc) so wasn't given the choice whether I wanted them applied or not and c) I've been told had she have had a reaction it would of been "one of those things". Even though when the ex did it, it was a completely different story.

It's resulted in a row between me and my parents, which I hate Sad

So AIBU to say I wish I'd have been asked before they were applied?

I have no tattoos myself, not that I've got anything against them.,, but given the choice I wouldn't have allowed my DD to have one.

TIA

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 09/08/2018 23:44

Did she react?

Baby oil will remove them quite easily

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 09/08/2018 23:48

I can understand you being upset if dd had a nasty reaction to the tattoos. But I see nothing wrong in children having fake tattoos or makeup for that matter

Spilledmycoffee · 09/08/2018 23:48

Presumably she wanted the temporary tattoos on though so I don't think its unreasonable to have let her have one.

I think the unreasonable part is that she was 'covered' in them. With her history of eczema it would have been sensible to try just one and see how it went.

Original poster
missbehaving1000 · 09/08/2018 23:50

No she didn't react, thankfully. I picked DD up at around 16:30 to drop her at her dads not soon after.

Am I wrong for wanting my mother to run these things by me before just going ahead and doing it? Even though my daughter has major problems with her skin and I'd under the care of a consultant? I don't know if I'm over reacting or not Sad

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 09/08/2018 23:54

I think the ideal scenario would have been a text from your mum to ask if it's OK for her to put a temporary tattoo on your DD; you to suggest just trying one small one; then DD getting to have a tiny thing that she really liked

Pinkkahori · 09/08/2018 23:55

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I have a daughter with eczema and it took so long to get under control that I am always vigilant about things that could cause it to flare up.
Severe eczema is so debilitating. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Dietcoke1001 · 09/08/2018 23:55

You are definitely not being unreasonable given your daughters medical condition. I would feel exactly the same! It seems to thoughtless for them to have done this. It probably was, sounds like they just didnt think about it but they need to know not to do things like this in the future.

agnurse · 09/08/2018 23:57

I think it's very normal for kids to want temporary tattoos and people often apply them without a second thought. I do think, though, that you should let your parents know that your daughter has sensitive skin and you don't want ANY products applied to their face.

I knew someone who had a daughter who was allergic to paint. Not house paint or anything; she was actually allergic to children's paint. Most people would probably give a child fingerpaints without a second thought - but she had to have a massive smock on and couldn't touch the paints with her hands.

It's not a common thing for a child to have severe reactions to things such as temporary tattoos. I think YABU, but it would be helpful for you to let others know your daughter has these issues. After that, if they still put things on her skin, THEN you should be upset.

Skittlesandbeer · 10/08/2018 00:05

Definitely it shows a lack of care (for your DD) and consideration (for your arrangements).

I’d have been cross just about having to cart DD around to her dads with these on, when I’m trying to run a strategy to get him to be more cognisant of her skin issues. Let alone what reactions the poor kid might have!

My guess is that they were distracted by chatting to their mate, and took their attention away from your DD for too long. When they saw the tattoos they decided it was easier to paint you as unreasonable, than own up to their mistake. Or remove them (probably didn’t know how, either).

The only way in these situations is to make life just that little bit more awkward/uncomfortable for your DPs, so next time they choose more responsibly. Call them on it, by all means. And tell them you’ve checked with your DD’s consultant, and that temporary tattoos (& stickers) are a no no, both for the chemicals they contain, and the swabbing required to remove them. Tell them the Dr was surprised it had been allowed to happen by two adults.

No way should they be ‘styling out’ this sort of thing. You’ve got enough on your plate without contending with this kind of ‘help’.

Skittlesandbeer · 10/08/2018 00:08

Olive oil, for removal, by the way.

Baby oil can contain fragrances, etc that are best kept away from kids with known skin issues.

GreenTulips · 10/08/2018 00:11

But I see nothing wrong in children having fake tattoos or makeup for that matter

Would you mind a child having a 'roll your own pretend fag machine'?

Why is inenok and not the other

Notso · 10/08/2018 00:13

DS had such a bad reaction to a sticky tattoo he has a scar. It happened at a party, I'd said he couldn't have his face painted as he was allergic so the party mum gave him a tattoo to stop him being left out.

Original poster
missbehaving1000 · 10/08/2018 00:13

Appreciate all your comments, so thank you.

I guess what's riling me is a comment made by my dad along the lines of "DD is in the best possible care, your mother is looking after her"

Yeah I get that. My mum used to be a nursery nurse. And my daughter is getting the best upbringing off the back of that, educational and communication wise etc. BUT... when I questioned why she didn't ask me prior to temporary tattoos being applied, saying she wouldn't have done it in nursery it turned into a row. I just feel like I've been made out to be completely overreacting when given I'm her mother, surely things such as these should be my decision?

OP posts:
Notso · 10/08/2018 00:32

I think your caution around this is understandable. However, she didn't react and no doubt if she had your parents would have been mortified.
I think in your situation given they are providing otherwise excellent childcare, I'd ask that in future they ask about such things.

Seeingadistance · 10/08/2018 00:33

I don't have eczema, but my father and my sister do. They have both been severely affected since birth and I have very clear childhood memories of my sister's hospital appointments when she had ointment applied to her entire body before being wrapped in bandages.

My father is in his 80s and my sister in her 40s and I have never bought or given either of them any kind of skin product or perfume, not even plain soap. Their skin cannot tolerate it.

Your parents must know about your DDs eczema, and your poor relationship with your ex, and shouldn't have put the temporary tattoo on her. You're not being unreasonable at all.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 10/08/2018 00:35

Oh green they’re hardly comparable! Kids love messing around with stick on tattoos and experimenting with makeup

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 10/08/2018 00:36

Ps. Tattoos and makeup aren’t life threatening

SpiritedLondon · 10/08/2018 00:40

Do you think they should be run past you because of her skin condition or just generally? I can imagine if her skin is under control then it’s easy to forget that she has bad reactions to things so I would personally not see it as a wilful act. Luckily there was no reaction so you’re actually getting worked up about something that didn’t happen in this instance. I probably wouldn’t want to continue an argument with them any further than you already have... I think the point has probably been made.

SpareASquare · 10/08/2018 00:42

Wouldn't bat an eye at either the make up or temporary tattoos.

Obviously, they're not going to risk your wrath by ever doing it again so I'd just let it go.

SeaToSki · 10/08/2018 00:50

Its like any other allergy, oh just let me try gd with some icecream. I know she is allergic to dairy, but kids love icecream so much.

Skin allergies are allergies, it can take ages to get back to a healthy balance skin after just one flare up from an allergen. Your dm didnt know for sure if tattoos would cause a reaction, but she had enough information to guess that the outcome could be an excema attack and severe discomfort for her gd for days.

My allergic excema prone dc was always happy to have a tattoo on a piece of paper that he could keep rather than have it put on his skin. Ther ks always a way around it if you are bothered to think. Your DM clearly couldnt be bothered.

schoty77 · 10/08/2018 01:20

If they are aware of her skin issue, it was a dumb move and I'd be mad. I don't think fake tattoos or makeup are a problem on kids though, not something to be bothered about really.

mathanxiety · 10/08/2018 01:22

I wouldn't regret the row with your parents at all. Your mum surely knows how much work you put in to keep your DD's skin healthy, and she was hugely inconsiderate to allow the temp tattoos.

I would tell her you expect her to be more mindful in future and can tell others that you don't allow anything on DD's skin, if she needs an excuse to stop kids from decorating DD. I would actually go so far as to say that if your mum won't see things your way you should not let DD go off with her.

The makeup - you need to log this incident, and you need to send exH a note (keep a copy) telling him that given DD's eczema and all the treatment and care that it requires (you can include the name of her consultant if he doesn't know it) you expect him to supervise her activities with a view to stopping anything going on her skin.

This will probably provoke an unpleasant response, and that can be logged too. There will come a day when DD is a teen and wants to put actual makeup on and you need to be sure that her father is on the same page you are when she visits.

If you find your ex blatantly disregarding all your appeals to him to watch what goes on her skin, then you may need to take him to court. So log all communication, and keep copies of all letters. Don't discard any texts or emails.

I have nothing personally against temp tattoos or children pretending with makeup (as long as they ask me and only use what I permit).
But with the eczema, you have to be much more careful than other parents might be and I can well understand why you are so exasperated.

Would you mind a child having a 'roll your own pretend fag machine'?
I remember clearly as a child chowing down on candy cigarettes. This did not turn me into a smoker.

My DCs used to love temporary tattoos as children. They came off easily with oil. None of them has a real tattoo.

Seriously though, there is no equivalence between temporary tattoos and makeup on the one hand and a potential pretend 'roll your own fag' toy on the other. Billions of women and many men too wear makeup every day with no ill effects.

Heading out into the world at age 18 with no exposure to societal norms such as makeup is not ideal.

Menolly · 10/08/2018 02:53

Your mum presumably knows about DD's skin and how bad reactions are? in which case YANBU, with a child that doesn't have sensitive skin it wouldn't be a big deal and you would be being a bit over the top but it could have made your DD really uncomfortable for days which is a big deal

thebewilderness · 10/08/2018 03:27

Your daughter is not a toy or a thing for others to play with.
If they do not know that she has specific needs because of her skin condition you need to explain it to them all and finish with a request that they keep that in mind.
I would be furious with the adults who permitted it if they were aware of the skin condition.

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