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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ttc at this stage in life?

16 replies

coralpig · 09/08/2018 22:49

Just that really. We have discussed and it's very much a head vs. heart situation.

PROS:

desperately want a child - have done for years but only recently when it's been doable.
married 2 years
moving to a bigger place
spent years training and studying - finally qualified in our careers.

CONS:

taking out a whopping big mortgage (we have run the numbers and we could just about afford a baby but things would be tight for a few years - a year would make a huge difference financially due to our careers).
I'm starting a new job soon with a very challenging work pattern (working cross site).
waiting just a year makes so much more money sense.
time to settle in to new house/ new work.

I am fully fully aware that baby's don't come bang on schedule and that it can take a long time to conceive.
AIBU to say 'screw it' and not wait any longer.

OP posts:

PinkHeart5914 · 09/08/2018 22:52

Honestly if you want a baby and don’t try, you’ll always reget it. It could takes months/years of ttc anyway. There will never be a perfect time for a baby, you just cope because you want & love your child.

Just go for it

mummymeister · 09/08/2018 22:53

OP - my answer would depend very much on how old you were. Early 20's I would say wait a bit and get more settled. late 30's get on with it, conceiving isn't easy for everyone.

also especially if its your first then that is all you think of in terms of timescales. however if you think you may want more than one then you need to think of how old you will be once the last one is born and work backwards at 2 years per child.

at the end of the day, its never a head decision, not in my experience. its always a heart one.

Singlenotsingle · 09/08/2018 22:56

Like the last pp said, it depends very much on your age. 35 and over? You'd better crack on!

garethsouthgatesmrs · 09/08/2018 22:58

agree with mummymeister if you are in your twenties then wait a year.

in general though I would suggest you relax about money. Working out whether you can afford a baby is pointless, you have no idea what a baby will cost you because a baby doesn't cost a fixed amount and you have no idea how you will both feel about your careers when there is a child, perhaps one of you will want to go part time or take a career break. Also you cant really know how longit will take.

Rebecca36 · 09/08/2018 23:05

Don't try, just relax and it will probably happen quite naturally.
There's no reason why you can't go back to work some time afterwards, most of us do.

Good luck!

SpongeBobGrannyPants · 09/08/2018 23:09

Crack on. The other stuff will seem so insignificant if TTC brings difficulties (which I very much hope it doesn't)

Allthewaves · 09/08/2018 23:11

Depends how old you are

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/08/2018 23:13

I agree that it depends on your age. If you’re 20s I might wait a little, if you’re 30s I’d get on with it.

Merryoldgoat · 09/08/2018 23:15

How old are you? If you can wait I would as it’s only a year.

If it’s any help I was told conceiving with PCOS and my weight would be challenging. It wasn’t and I got pregnant first month. This also happened to three others in my NCT class (all of us around 35) so whilst it may take a little while, it really might not.

Grumpos · 09/08/2018 23:23

Why not starting “prepping” for trying to conceive then? Say the rest of the year focus on healthy diets for fertility, lots of relaxing after your busy stressful work and moving / settling in new house, learning about fertility somewhat (not getting obsessed but just basic biology and facts - amazing how little i actually knew!) and enjoying time together with a view to really putting things into action some time in the new year? That would be a good compromise because you’re working towards a baby but you will feel like you’re in a better place practically next year.

It took me a long time to conceive and so i would never advise someone to put it off but like pp said, it could happen the first month!

Enjoy what you have now, get your ducks in a row if it will make you feel less worried and stressed and Work towards it. You may find you don’t want to wait a year and that in 6 months you think sod it and go for it then!

HollowTalk · 09/08/2018 23:25

The thing that shocked me was that having a baby doesn't get rid of your instincts to have another baby.

If you're okay as far as age is concerned, wait a year until things are right for you, then try to get pregnant then. Don't be a martyr to your hormones!

gettingtherequickly · 09/08/2018 23:27

Please don't leave it, the sooner the better. Take it from one who knows.

Original poster

coralpig · 10/08/2018 09:55

Thank you for the responses. We are both mid to late 20s.

OP posts:

Mousefunky · 10/08/2018 09:59

I would wait the year then since it financially makes so much more sense. You can, as a PP pointed out, begin to prepare for trying in advance. For example, I would strongly recommend going on any holidays you have wanted to go on before beginning to TTC so you can drink to your hearts content without worrying. Also both begin taking TTC supplements a couple of months before you take the plunge. At your age, you have time to wait.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/08/2018 10:03

mid-late 20s then I'd wait the year.
You do not know what you're fertility is like until you start trying but a year, given your age, is unlikely to make any difference even if there is (touch wood not) any problems.

Darkstar4855 · 10/08/2018 10:03

I would wait a year. Brexit is unpredictable and could have a significant effect on interest rates and utility bills and you have a big mortgage. If a year would make a big difference to your financial security then I’d say it’s worth the wait: you don’t want loads of financial stress on top of a newborn.

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