Angry, violent, whiney six year old - is this normal behaviour? AIBU to think it's not?

[LadyDuplo]

I have a six year old ds. About to start year 2.

For the last few months his behaviour has got worse and worse.

• calling me names and saying hurtful things to me "mummy you're so weird" "Mummy I wish you weren't my Mummy" "Mummy you don't know anything" etc etc
• gets v v angry on occasion and hits, punches and kicks me and Dh
• smirks and laughs when getting told off
• loves being really annoying to push my buttons (singing nonsense and leaping about making ridiculous faces / noises)
• needs constant attention. Needs to narrate what he's doing etc.

Year 1 school report was excellent. He's mainly kind to his little sister. Sometimes can be lovely and helpful. Will happily sit and read or draw when the mood takes him.

But, I feel my lovely little ds is disappearing by the day and in its place is a nasty, rude, violent, obnoxious little know it all. He's six. Six. I feel like I have a teenager.

AIBU to think the above is not normal behaviour??

They’ll all push boundaries.. how are you pulling him up in it, what are the consequences for him?

I have a similar situation. Going into year 2, has recently become the most hideous little shit.

I think it’s normal tbh. Three older boys were like it at about the same age, I assume it’s holiday boredom and maybe a hormone surge.

Notas telly ban, toys removed, chores, missing out on treats.

But I haven't found that weak spot yet that works.

Diana that makes me feel better. Hopefully it's a phase.

He's my pfb and is probably spoilt. Though getting less so by the day!

As you mention attention seeking, how much time do you spend with just him? And what about DH, so just DS and DH time?

Are there any historical reasons why he may behave like this (eg trauma in family, mental health issues in family etc)? (It can just help explain why focus within the family has gone elsewhere rather than on him).

I had a similar situation last year when DD was 5yo. She was constantly in a bad mood, defiant, contrary. She would tell me she hated me and I was the worst mother in the world. I finally discovered she was being bullied at school and was copying the behavior of her bully at home, down to using the same phrases. The bullying was dealt with and her behavior returned to normal. Maybe that is something worth exploring? It took DD a long time to say anything and at first I didn’t understand the severity of what was happening.

He has, I feel, plenty of attention. Today for example it was just me and him as dd in nursery.

We spent a good hour playing with a new toy of his together. He then asked to watch tele which he did for about 30 mins while I did chores.

Dh nipped home from work and was chatting to him on the settee. Ds got annoyed about something. Started throwing himself about and then starting kicking Dh.

Took ds into town where we had existing plans to have lunch out. Ds not allowed dessert due to the kicking.

Came home, spent time looking at an activity book together. Then went to collect dd.

Came home and made a quick light tea. Ds started acting up. Not sitting down, throwing himself about. Demanded tele - no, it was bathtime so started hitting me.

No family trauma or anything like that.

I could have written the exact same post so no advice but watching with interest.

boob it has gone through my mind about bullying. Though his teacher has said he's popular. He does do breakfast and after school club 3 days a week and has referred to someone being nasty there. But, he isn't telling me much about it.

shenanigans sorry you're in the same boat.

I had the same with my six year old DD, she seemed to go off the rails all of a sudden. Challenging behaviour, flying at me, slapping, kicking, punching, screaming the house down over totally minor situations. "I hate you, I wish I'd never been born" etc. I sanctioned her every time, took away bedtime stories, toys all sorts. Nothing had any effect.
I seemed to find the "sweet spot" though. She is as good as gold in school and I had a chat with her teacher. DD was mortified. They started a home/school book recording incidents daily and she stopped pretty quick. I've got my lovely girl back.
I know it's the holidays, but I hope things get better OP. It's rotten the way it makes you feel

nova thanks. What you've described is so similar to ds. Whilst excitable and by no means a model pupil his behaviour in school is v good. He's keen to learn, bright, engaged etc.

I may have a word with the school when they start back.

Both occasions today you say he got annoyed, threw himself about and then kicked out. Could you keep a diary of what leads up to him getting annoyed? It sounds like it could be frustration. Does he get to make any simple choices - eg dress himself, choose lunch when he's out. "DS are you wearing these shorts today or these jeans? This T-shirt of this one?" Don't give too many items to choose from as that can cause stress.

Smirking/laughing when getting told off - sounds like he may think it's a game. Any consequence needs to be immediate at this age and any interaction needs to be firm and consistent. So for kicking, straight away he needs to know that's a 10min timeout to calm down (I feel no dessert later at lunchtime is too late for him to make the association).

At our school we use the traffic light system - so all kids start on green. Any misbehaviour they get a warning, then a repeat of that behaviour they go to yellow. Continual repeat is a red. Violent behaviour is an instant red. Maybe you, DH, DS (and DD if old enough?) could sit down and agree the rules. Maybe ask him what the rules are at school so he is familiar with them?

Good job we love them eh? Six going on sixteen! Fingers crossed for you.

I actually read your op and wondered if I had written it and forgotten (I’m pretty tired!)

Ds is 6, and his behaviour over last few months has been awful - just as you describe above. The smirking and talking back has seen me at my limits. Talking to friends and a lot seem in the same boat at the moment (kids all around same age and about to go into year 2)

Ds has improved massively over last few weeks with a huge dose of positive attention. I have literally praised the way he ate pasta earlier today, as I felt like we were in a really
Negative cycle where I was avoiding being with him and I was just constantly griping. I’ve been really firm with boundaries too, but phrasing it as “I know you are going to remember your manners as you are so good at that aren’t you? And we definitely don’t want you to lose your iPad time” it sounds mega patronising written down (it probably is!) but framing it in a positive way and putting me on same side as him has really helped (“come on, I’m going to help you finish this dinner so you can have some dessert” type stuff”

I honesty have no clue what I’m doing, please don’t think I’m preaching - but it seems to have helped a lot and I feel like I’m getting my boy back

shawkshank he has choices. Plenty. He picks what he wants to wear. What he wants to eat when ordering off a menu, what activities to do etc.

Regarding the dessert, he's six. I reminded him again that it was no dessert as he kicked daddy. Happy to be told I'm wrong, but at six I would have thought he can make the connection.

flying he does respond well to positive praise. I'll up like you've done. Though I may be clutching at straws some days!

I guess we are in a negative spiral so we need to break it.

Whilst it's not great that we're going through it, by the sounds of it it is common at this age.

Sounds just like my 6yo DS who is also going into year 2
The thing is he was always such a lovely little boy at age 4/5 and now just an awful shift in attitude. Often get 'mummy I hate you then' if he doesn't get his own way, gets really easily cross and wound up, goes into a rage a lot etc we've also had an occasional hit or kick as well when before this was something he would never dare do :(

shawkshank our school do similar to a traffic light. I think he'll respond well to it. I'll make one 😀

nellie fingers crossed they go back to how they were before soon 🤞🏻

Sounds like he’s having a hard time controlling his emotions. If I were you I’d set up a ‘calm’ area in the house (like a tent thing with calming lights music etc)
That way he has a choice every time he gets angry- he can choose to go to the calm area to calm down or he can choose to take his anger out on others- which will obviously get punished.