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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was aibu not to send a card?

22 replies

Puddlejumps · 09/08/2018 20:22

It’s a friends birthday and rather than sending a card I thought I would send a small gift about £6 from Amazon Prime direct to my friend with a gift message. I figured a card and stamp would prob cost me around £2-3 plus hassle to post,etc. But I have heard nothing on whether they have received it/like it,etc. I also texted happy birthday on the day and exchanged a few pleasantaries about their plans. Did I make a mistake? Have I missed some social etiquette that you should alway send a card even if you send a gift? I know the gift has arrived as Amazon have told me it was posted through the door!.

OP posts:

Original poster

Puddlejumps · 09/08/2018 20:24

I should add the birthday was a couple of days ago.

OP posts:

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 09/08/2018 20:26

No YANBU....are you sure she actually has it? Its been put through the right door? Maybe check...

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/08/2018 20:26

Don't worry you haven't done anything wrong. Could the message on the gift have gone awol and they don't know it's from you?

Rebecca36 · 09/08/2018 21:47

If it's only a couple of days ago that really isn't very long. Give your friend a bit longer to reply.

(You can check with Amazon that it was sent to and received at the right address but they are pretty good generally.)

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 09/08/2018 21:50

Yanbu I do this all the time and I am quite hot on etiquette. What I do find though is that people don’t tend to say thank you so much these days.

xTinkerhellx · 09/08/2018 21:58

Does she know it was from you?

Sometimes the gift message is just printed on the invoice, or she may have missed it and be wondering who sent her this mystery present!

Why not just text asking if she received it? 'Hey X, just wondering if you received ? I know Amazon delivery can be a bit hit or miss!'

Thinking about it...Amazon marked 6 boxes of coffee as being posted through my letterbox. The giant, non letter boxed sized parcel was actually down the side of my house with my daughter's scooter on top of it

So if she wasn't expecting a parcel, she wouldn't be looking for one!

Original poster

Puddlejumps · 09/08/2018 22:03

Thanks for your messages, she will know it’s from me as our birthdays are close together and the amazon recipet definitely showed it was posted at her house. She does have form for this as I just remembered I posted her daughter cash in a card and I never heard anything about that eithier. Although that could have been lost out to sea!

OP posts:

SunnyCoco · 09/08/2018 22:23

Just text her to check she’s received it

JennyBlueWren · 09/08/2018 22:58

We got a present for our son from my brother direct from Amazon. The gift message was not very obvious.
I recently received a gift with no card so posted general thanks on Facebook -turned out it was from my aunt.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 09/08/2018 23:02

if she has fallen out with you because you didn't send a card then she ibu but send her a text to ask her if she liked it, chances are she just got busy and forgot to say thank you.

Original poster

Puddlejumps · 10/08/2018 09:20

I have texted to see if she received the parcel. Watch this space ....

OP posts:

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 16/08/2018 19:35

Well, did she? :)

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 16/08/2018 20:50

I'd probably be a little peeved to be honest, you couldn't be bothered to buy a present and couldn't be bothered to buy or write a card as it was too much hassle which would suggest to me that I was and after thought and you just ordered something off Amazon. It doesn't sound like you've put any effort in do why should your friend

Original poster

Puddlejumps · 17/08/2018 17:10

Onlyjoinedforthisthread I did put lots of effort and thought into it. I choose something quite personal that I knew she would love form amazon. I also chose amazon as I have prime and could guarantee delivery in her birthday. Also to get it delivered to me and then for me to repost didn’t make much economical sense. The present was just a token gift as we don’t really do presents as such. I thought a small personal gift would be nicer than a card. Hope you are more grateful over something someone has spent money on for you. However small.

Sponge bob yes she did receive it. She loved it and there was no explanation as to why it wasn’t mentioned. Next year will stick to the card!

OP posts:

Original poster

Puddlejumps · 17/08/2018 17:11

Oh there was also a personalised gift message with the gift.

OP posts:

APermanentlyExhaustedPigeon · 17/08/2018 17:52

Maybe if you don’t normally do gifts, she felt a bit awkward? No excuse for not even texting/WhatsApp-ing a thank you though

sunshinewithabitofdrizzle · 17/08/2018 17:57

I once sent a friend a gift with a personalised message. Amazon didn't include the invoice in with the gift, they literally just sent the gift in a box, so until I said something my friend had no idea who it was from. Definitely get in touch with your friend as they may have no idea.

FrozenMargarita17 · 17/08/2018 18:19

Hi OP. I once got an amazon gift card through the door and I had no idea who it was from ! Did it definitely have a name on it?

FrozenMargarita17 · 17/08/2018 18:20

Eejit just seen the date on this thread and clearly that point has been made - d'oh

Generousparents · 17/08/2018 18:24

I actually don't care what a present costs or if I get one or not but I find click and deliver impersonal and lazy, I'm sorry but that's how I see it unless it was something with a wow factor, wow doesn't equal expensive. I'm not saying you didn't put thought in it at how it would come across to me. A card would have been much more personal as you would take time to write it and time is the greatest gift you can give. I do agree that getting Amazon to deliver to you then you post on would be a waste of time, energy , resources. I do however think you took time to pick the present you thought your friend would like and I certainly would thank you for giving me it I'd just have a nagging at the back of my mind you didn't care if someone did it to me , not half as bad as a moonpig card tho lol

Merryoldgoat · 17/08/2018 18:24

My DH got a gift once from someone via Amazon and there was no indication who it was from - it was really confusing.

Entirely possible she doesn’t know who it’s from.

fourandnomore · 17/08/2018 18:27

Two days you gave her? I must be offending people all over the place. I am pretty hot on etiquette but sometimes birthdays are a very, very busy time. If she loved it when you checked, I think your response of I’ll stick to a card is a bit harsh, it was obviously well received but she probably felt terrible receiving your text two days after her birthday having not thanked you yet.

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