To be steaming mad at my DD's boyfriend?

[LifeImplosionImminent]

DD's boyfriend is a lovely boy but he drives me potty sometimes. He was cooking her a meal (sweet you think) but he cuts the food in the pan and scratches my most expensive non stick pan. He showed zero remorse. Not even an ooops. He's already ruined 2 heavy duty baking tins cutting up rocky road cakes. He doesn't have the money to replace them, he's just 17. Then, at his own home today, DD is cooking for him and he has the brass balls to say to DD "Be careful don't scratch my mum's pan!"

AIBU being so annoyed when he was trying to be sweet? I just want to shake him for being a thoughtless, clumsy twat ahhhhhhhhh I think my menopause is coming...

He wasn’t at all worried. I find that concerning. It’s sounds like it’s one rule for him/his mother and one for everyone else. This is a dangerous and very controlling dynamic. He can do whatever he likes and bear no consequences - that doesn’t smack of respect to women imo so I’d be wondering if he’s a misogynist. Are you in a relationship? Does he treat your dds father with any more respect?

He's arrogant and uncaring. Obviously the pans don't matter next to your DD and you cannot say anything direct to her about the nastiness of his character (it would be counter-productive) but I hope he doesn't hurt her.

On the bright side If they are still together at Christmas you will know what to buy him, all you will need to do is make sure they are only for use in your house not round at his mums.

Yanbu, if someone scratched my good pans, they'd be banned from using my kitchen...no second chances (let alone third ones). Mind you, i would have explained very clearly before they started, so they knew to be careful...if they then continued to cut food or otherwise abuse my pans, that would be that!

No he's not uncaring, he is a thoughtless idiot and all that matters is DD but I don't think he's controlling or in any way sinister. DD has got him wrapped around her little finger and he did buy me a Christmas present without prompting from DD (not cooking related)! I haven't seen any misogynistic leanings in him.

I'm not with her father anymore but he gets on very well with him and all of my family and has been on holidays with us. If he had any of the things suggested I'd have drop kicked him out of my girl's life honestly!

Tell him straight you don't cut stuff up in a pan unless it's a heavy duty pan. He needs to be told, it's your stuff he's ruining.

Might be worth buying a couple of pans just for him to use, look on ebay. I bought a beautiful one, very heavy with lid, enamelled on the outside, reasonably priced. You could let off a bomb in it without damaging.

@Rebecca36 Might be worth buying a couple of pans just for him to use, look on ebay. I bought a beautiful one, very heavy with lid, enamelled on the outside, reasonably priced. You could let off a bomb in it without damaging.

Funny you should say that...I did buy a stone pan from TJ Hughes...(nothing on my gorgeous non stick wok with glass lid)....I don't want to knock the love of cooking out of him but reading the comments here, I should really insist he treats any pan with respect and not just ones he can't damage.

You need to say this, very slowly:

YOU. DON'T. CUT. UP. FOOD. IN. THE. PAN. YOU. DIPSTICK.

I'd be seriously pissed off- as soon as my lot went off to uni, I gradually phased out my scratched old stuff that they'd mangled, and now the last two have gone, everything has been replaced with shiny new kit . I'd be telling DD that she'll be taking the stuff with her when she leaves home, and you'll be getting new things. Also, if anything else gets damaged, you'll be downgrading how much you spend on her kitchen stuff for uni/etc. I'd ban them from cooking, as well. It sounds more stressful than fun for them as well.

I'd be a little annoyed at your DD for not supervising him, especially as he has previous for doing it- hence passing the stuff on.

YANBU. Scratching a pan is a dumb move, but that fact he didn't care it affected you? Oh, that boy would be unwelcome in my home.

After the first time of showing no remorse he'd no longer be able to touch anything in my kitchen!

I would ask him to bring his owns pans if he cooks in your house again. Accidents happen, but the lack of apology and sheer hypocrisy would piss me off.

@TimeForANewNameIThink That's where I went wrong - I guess I never imagined someone could do something so mindnumbingly stupid.

@viques I would be so mad if he took my pans to his mums I'd probably go get them back

@MyMagicStars I was annoyed with her, then got more annoyed
because she decided I was being dramatic at the time. Giving her the pans is such a GREAT idea, she is going to uni next year

@PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks I was definitely more hysterical than that ha ha

@schoty77 If he had been mortified I would have probably said don't worry about it - but he was like "it's not that bad"...there's fucking rust his earlier effort!!!

@dammmken I think you have the wrong thread - definitely barking up the wrong tree, my ex has long gone...

Just for perspective - my first boyfriend and my dad were moving cars and managed to gently crash. I WISH my boyfriend had knackered a pan!

"He doesn't have the money to replace them, he's just 17. "

Perhaps he needs to find a way then.

Good your DD noticed the unfairness. Did he though?
I’d ask him to come up with a payment plan to replace them! What should have happened would be him offering to pay and you’d be then saying not to worry, just be careful next time. But since he didn’t follow that social script, sod him - he can sweat a bit how to pay it back.