why is confrontation so hard and do you do it?

[doorframe32]

I have a terrible issue with 3 siblings I have never spoken to them about[not going into detail here as it is long and complicated], they are aware of it as I told my parents and it has caused great upset to my parents who tried to play it down. In the end, I decided to let it drop for my mum's sake as she was getting very upset over it and I rarely see the siblings anyway as I live hundreds of miles away but I will have to face them again and I know my mum will have instructed them to act normal. Thing is I am still very angry over this, I know I won't have the balls to confront as i'm terrible at this but it is eating me away, I have had counselling and it helps. But have any of you experience of avoiding confrontation or did you confront etc when it was a very horrible awkward confrontation? What happened? What is your stance on confrontation?

I find confrontation very difficult, but I am prone to anxiety and am over sensitive when it comes to people’s opinions of me. I am working on this.

I am however of the opinion that sweeping things under the rug does no one any favours and just allows resentment to simmer and is unhealthy for your mental wellbeing. You’ve not given specifics so it is hard to say, but I would have to have a sit down and an open and honest discussion about the situation, even if it led to a sad outcome like having to go NC etc.

I have the opposite problem. I find confrontation very easy, am not afraid to speak my mind, but have often come across as aggressive rather than assertive and it’s done me no favours!

I think whether you love or hate confrontation the same rules apply:

• prepare: write down what you want to say/your point of you
• listen to their perspective and acknowledge it
• stay firm and calm and don’t raise your voice
• stay emotionally detached and use facts
• don’t be rushed

Good luck x

I don't have a problem being confrontational. At all.

Why be a doormat?

''I find confrontation very easy, am not afraid to speak my mind, but have often come across as aggressive rather than assertive and it’s done me no favours!''

yea I have being there too but people can turn the assertive into aggressive in confrontations when they don't like what you are saying and you end up the baddie for just standing your ground, that's why I find confrontations so messy.

It’s very very tough and sometimes people just won’t see your point of you. As long as you don’t feel like you’ve been rude/have anything to apologise for then I think you’ve done a good job

*view not you

I think it all depends on who you are confronting and why.
If you're emotionally attached to the person/people it can be very difficult - I would love to 'confront'/discuss many issues with my narcissistic sister and mother but its proved to be impossible as they are always right/perfect and I'm just over sensitive and should see their point of view/dance to their very demanding tune.
So I've given up and gone NC.
They cannot bear it as they've lost their whipping girl.
If your family is like mine and knowing what I know now, due to counseling, I just wouldn't bother. The only one who'll be upset is you and the situation will be unresolved leaving even more upset for you and giving them more power to hurt you.
NC is hard at first, it gets better but it is infinitely better than trying to have a normal relationship with people who diminish your feelings.