Inappropriate behaviour?

[smilingelizabeth]

I've had ongoing issues with my ex and just would like a view please on if IABU over this as I've lost sight of what's ok and what's not.

Ex called round to pick up the kids and made a joke in front of the kids about men picking up other men and being attracted to their bums. He then told me that a few days ago he'd told ds(13) to spray his deodorant at a family friend who was visiting ( it got him but not in the face apparently) He was laughing about this hilarious prank. 🙄
Just wondering what others think? as apparently I'm incredibly uptight and have no sense of humour. I didn't really say much today but now I'm wondering if I should have done.
For info kids are 5, 9 and 13. And 13 year old has ADHD and ASD so he can be hard to manage at times and is a bit socially out of whack with other people.
Is this ok?

Sounds a bit immature but not inappropriate.

Sounds like Dad may have ADHD too.

Arsehole behaviour if you ask me, especially in front of a 5 year old.

Encouraging a child with ASD to act out is really cruel actually. I’m autistic, so are my kids, and if I’m unsure of something socially I’ll watch other people to see what I should be doing.

For a parent to bypass that and go straight to teaching him inappropriate behaviour is appalling and neglectful at best.

The rest of it is inappropriate too, but I guess because it’s close to home the thing he did to your eldest really got to me.

Thanks for the replies.
He's 51 if that makes any difference!
Yes, I do think he has ADHD as well.

I wouldn't be overly impressed if my husband or ex said things like that. Kids will hear all sorts of things outside of the family but they don't need to hear them from their parents, it's so immature.

Have a word with him. Also keep an eye on him, may be nothing of course but worth being vigilant.

Did you pick him up on his 'joke'?

Yetalkshite I totally agree with you. I do think ex maybe on the spectrum himself and I do try to impress upon him that he's a role model for ds but it doesn't seem to make much difference. In fact he seems worse now as there's no one to pick him up on it and his friends all laugh along.
I didn't smile at his 'joke' just remained stoned faced and said I don't think you should be encouraging ds to do things like that. He just laughed it off like he always does. Infuriating!

Stoney faced not stoned! 😂😂

I’m actually quite distressed at the thought of your son being wheeled out like a performing to amuse your ex and his friends. It must be really hard for you too!

Your poor boy.

performing monkey that should have said!

Stoned

He's a twat

I can totally understand why he is your ex.

Ridiculous behaviour from a man who should know better. But then I would probably be described as ‘humourless’ I’m sure as I actually hate pranks.

I don't think that particular turn of phase 'attracted to mens bum' is the right way to introduce homosexuality to a five year old child if I am honest, and you definitely would not want any of them repeating that in a different way and sounding homophobic, it could get them into trouble.

NO I would not be remotely impressed, he sounds very childish.

Thank you all for your support.
I am concerned his comments lean towards being homophobic or else a vague reference to anal sex but either way I don't feel it's ok.
I do worry a lot that my kids could pick up on his behaviour and copy it. This kind of thing happens all the time. He told me and the kids about his one night stand a few weeks ago. (no details luckily but still!)

I just don't know how to approach him really as he's easily angered and is convinced that I enjoy telling him off -I really don't but he is an idiot at times. Things like this happen a lot.

To be honest my dad would make these sorts of silly innapropriate jokes, get a little scolding from my mom and we'd all giggle and move on. Perhaps your dislike for your ex and his general behaviour is making these incidents seem much worse than if they were stand alone?

Not excusing it - it's up to you how you want to raise your kids and what your boundaries are

I think the gay stuff is out of order.

The other, I'm not sure.

He might be trying to bond with him, by using normal teen lad pranks. In one way, you do need to be more careful with a child with ASD/ADHD, but on the other hand it's nice he isn't being treated differently, because the lads at school won't hold back.

Has he always been immature?

Spanishwife, yes my Dad was quite similar but I guess in the 1970's and 80's we lived in a non pc world. My Dad was never as crude as my ex.
And yes, I do dislike him so perhaps that colours my feelings towards him.