Bridesmaids- would this seem like a snub?

[Bluebellsagain]

Just a quick dilemma really. I’m getting married next summer () and have been thrust into all things planning. Originally wasn’t going to have bridesmaids but i had the thought to ask my sister, my brother’s girlfriend (who has also become a good friend of mine over the years), my other brother’s wife (who I get on with very well although they live abroad so we don’t see each other loads), and my dp’s only sister. Because we all live in different places and stuff it’ll be pretty low key in terms of the requirements of being a bridesmaid, but family is really important to me and I Like the idea of having my female family members up there with me and giving them a special role, getting some photos together to treasure etc. But wibu to not ask dp’s brother’s girlfriend as well? She has been with the brother a while but we don’t click at all, and I don’t think of her as my future SIL - her dp is going to be best man though and I feel like it might seem like a big snub. If I didn’t ask dp sister that would avoid the issue, but I liked the idea of asking her and getting to know her a bit better as she’s his close sibling. We have bonded more since the engagement and I thought it would be a nice gesture.
Any views on how this might pan out if I don’t ask dps brother’s girlfriend?! I know this is ultimately up to me but I’m loth to cause issues, it’s not that important really.

Your wedding, your choice on bridesmaids. If she has a problem, you know you made the right choice to be honest.

What does your brother say? Does he know her better than you? Chances are if you feel 'you don't gel' then she will feel the same way and wouldn't want to do it anyway.

My DH was best man at his brothers wedding and his sister's were bridesmaids but I was not. I wasn't offended in any way as we aren't really that close our girls were flower girls (we've been together 10 years)

There's no way I would have a bridesmaid I wasn't close to. It's your big day. Can you maybe ask her to do a reading or something?

That sounds fine to me, but you could ask DP's sister to read a poem for you or something instead which might avoid the issue?

How long have they been together & how long has your DB & GF been together?

My db and his gf have been together for 4 years. Dp’s db and his gf have been together for 8 years. But db’s gf is a good friend of mine anyway and I think the bride asking her brother’s partners is quite traditional (luckily I like them both too)

She is one step further removed than the rest isn't she. You have your sister, your brothers' partners, and partner's sister. Partner's brother's girlfriend is a further step away than the rest so I wouldn't feel bad at all especially not when you don't click. She probably feels that too anyway.

If I were the DP’s-brother’s-gf I’d be dreading the possibility of being asked!

If you’re not that close it’s very unlikely that she’ll be hankering to be a bridesmaid either- she’d probably think it was a bit weird and forced to be asked.

Yeah. You shouldn't have to have her, but given the rest of the line up I think it would look like a snub, sorry

I think it’s fine considering the rest of the line up. If it was another brother’s gf that would be wrong, but she is one step removed again as PP said and as you’re not friends as well I don’t see a problem.

You definitely don't need to invite her.

This is your happy day. Don't feel obliged to include her.

You would have been under no obligation to make your DP's sister a BM either. You like her so that's your choice.

I think it could be taken funny but it's your wedding and you have to do what feels right for you.

I have a similar dilemma. I have 3 dnieces from 1 db i am very close to and definitely want. Another dniece from another db who i like of course but am just not close to. Part of me thinks for the sake of one more dress and not causing uproar to just ask. It's a toughie.

When my son got married last month the bride had his three sisters as bridesmaids which I thought was very sweet of her. His brother was best man but his wife did not have a formal role in the wedding. It never occurred to her or to any of us that she would.

I personally find it quite unusual when people only have family as BMs and ushers. Bit sad not to have close friends there with you.

Putting myself in her shoes: there's no way I would have been expecting to be BM to my sister in law to be -- and my DH was their best man too. I think it will be fine.

I think it's absolutely fine. When my oldest brother got married, his bride didn't ask me (then 18) to be her bridesmaid. If I remember rightly, she had her brother's girlfriend and two friends. Likewise, my other brother wasn't involved with the wedding, nor was his then-wife - his best man was his oldest friend and the ushers were my SIL and the best man's brothers.

I was absolutely fine with it. DB2 and his then-wife, however, took umbridge and refused to attend the wedding unless they were involved. Oldest brother and his wife didn't miss them. At all.

Hmm- the main reason for having family is that I’ve traveled a lot and had a few “lives” so would be faced with asking some very disparate friends (and risk annoying those I didn’t ask). I thought family would be simpler. Tbh I may just ask my sister and dbs’ partners- keeps it even more simple!

Jesus, you talk about having a low key wedding but have 4 bridesmaids and are thinking of having another one! Sounds like a massive affair (and massive cost) to me. Totally unnecessary.

You don't have to have a big wedding to have 4 BMs.

I thought the way OP said she wants 'female family members up there with me and giving them a special role, getting some photos together to treasure' was really touching actually.

I think it’s totally fine. Your day