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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be furious that DP and DS got driven out of a baby changing room by a group of rude obnoxious women?

88 replies

bewilderbeast · 02/06/2007 16:32

Just spoken to DP he had taken DH into town for the day to buy me a birthday present and let me get on with the DIY at home in peace. He took DS into the boots baby changing room (note baby changing room not mother and baby room). There was a queue for the three changing mats. Apparently they were all having a laugh and chat when he walked in but went silent as soon as they saw him and kept staring unkindly at him and ds. Eventually he said "come on ds we're obviously not welcome here" and left to take ds somewhere else to change him. I am fking furious. why can't people accept that its nice that fathers take an active roll in their kids lives rather than being suspicious of their motives. I am so angry right now. Do we need dad and baby changing rooms and mother and baby changing rooms? Why can't we all just get on and accept other people. It was their first trip out together alone and I am so sad for him that he was made to feel like this and his day was spoilt by these nasty bit*hes. sorry its a bit of a long rant

OP posts:

suzycreamcheese · 02/06/2007 23:13

weird women ... weird ways...

have seen loads of dads changing, caring for kids this is just plain rude...and weird..

Aitch · 02/06/2007 23:13

and, er... unlikely...

suzycreamcheese · 02/06/2007 23:20

..er, ..why aitch?

they could be weird and rude and ...just plain slow too...
or acting like a rabbit in the headlights as a dad in changing area had just blown their tiny minds

mylittleimps · 02/06/2007 23:27

YANBU but perhaps they were jealous that theyir DP wouldn't be doing what yours was about to be doing! as i can't think for a minute why any mother would look at a dad like that with baby in arms ready to change him, men holding babies is normally an ice breaker! i just don't understand where the glares came from or how they were justified, everyone had babies there.
i think they must have just have been a little bit odd

TwoIfBySea · 02/06/2007 23:30

bewilderbeast I'd have been furious too.

When dts were younger dh used to take them into changing rooms, even if they said mother & baby rooms all the time. He was quite good and well trained in helping out in the nappy changing department. I am just glad he never came across a field of cows like yours did.

You need to think up some witty one-liners if he ever comes across this again.

Aitch · 02/06/2007 23:42

i just think it's bonkers suszy, that's all. doesn't make an ounce of sense. man walks into baby changing room, women are talking, they stop talking. fine.
he then waits FIVE minutes and in that time they do not resume their conversation, glare at him, presumably over their shoulders cos they were conducting the longest nappy changes in the history of nappies?
why didn't he just say 'do you think you're going to be much longer?' i think it's more likely that he wasn't comfortable in that environment, that he stayed for thirty seconds and that they may have looked at him once or twice.

Peachy · 02/06/2007 23:44

Sounds like he interrupted a private conversation tbh, funny location but it happens

Pan · 03/06/2007 00:25

Extreme and IME (as an 'involved' dad) unusual.........any 'stuff' from anyone would also be met with a wall of quietly assertive dadness. In this circs would contentedly wait, and put the 'glares' down to a lack in social skills and awareness, poor loves.

Aitch · 03/06/2007 00:33

exactly pan, how can you be driven out of a room? we're not in school, we've all got shitey nappies to change...

DominiConnor · 03/06/2007 09:59

Good point about how OP's DH was "driven" out.

I suspect it's down to the different ways men and women "do" aggression. Blokes that would have no problem decking someone who spilt their beer, get quite intimidated by social contexts that women find vaguely uncomfortable.

hatrick · 03/06/2007 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

bewilderbeast · 03/06/2007 14:35

aitch, it was a busy saturday there were only 3 baby changing stations and there was a big queue. Apparently lots of people wanted to change their babies at the same time. What exactly is unlikely about that?

OP posts:

NineUnlikelyTales · 03/06/2007 14:38

They probably didn't have fathers for their own babies and felt freaked out by the sight of one.

[Total bitch]

ludaloo · 03/06/2007 14:41

how rude!!! Poor dh

Rachmumoftwo · 03/06/2007 14:44

Porbably they were lealous becasue their OHs don't take their children out, or if they do, maybe they don't change them. I do feel that everything is geared towards mothers and babies, and it is an old fashioned outdated practice. My DH noticed that in our local mothercare the changing facilities were in the ladies! Not very supportive of supportive fathers imo.

Rachmumoftwo · 03/06/2007 14:45

I could mean probably they were jealous!

Aitch · 03/06/2007 15:10

Nineunlikelytales, that is bitchy of you what an utterly ridiculous thing to say.

but bewilderbeast, if there were lots of people there then i frankly find it even less likely that he was 'driven out', tbh.
he may have felt unwelcome (why i don't really know, i've never felt 'welcomed' or 'unwelcomed' in a public lav or changing station) but that's not the same as being 'driven out'.
you are being totally unresonable, i think, tbh, in being angry. it's utterly pointless in any event. you could feel sympathetic that dh had a weird time (possibly more in his head than in reality) but i completely doubt that it happened the way he said as the story doesn't really make much sense.

beckybrastraps · 03/06/2007 15:14

The whole queue was involved in a laugh and a chat, stopped when your dh joined the queue and then glowered silently at him?

unknownrebelbang · 03/06/2007 15:16

I can well imagine a group of women standing staring at a man in a baby changing room, and making him feel uncomfortable, be it for 30 seconds or 5 minutes.

Original poster

bewilderbeast · 03/06/2007 15:17

So he says becky and he isn't the sort of man who lies or exaggerates.

OP posts:

hercules1 · 03/06/2007 15:20

I'm with aitch on this one.

beckybrastraps · 03/06/2007 15:20

Not really?

Perhaps if they all knew each other...

Do I just live in a very enlightened area?

DH always used to change our children if we were out together. I used to tell him he was 'striking a blow'. I don't think he was actually fooled, but he likes doing the over-demonstrative dad bit, so everyone's a winner.

Aitch · 03/06/2007 15:20

unknownrebel, i can well imagine a man feeling that a group of women was staring at him (although was glowering the word?) but that needn't make it actually true and doesn't make the women 'bitches'. so how many women were in there, bewilderbeast? i'd thought you'd meant three but even more makes it less likely. most changing rooms i'm in people are mostly trying to catch their toddlers, not gang up on blokes.

TnOgu · 03/06/2007 15:22

It sounds like our local bar when a stranger arrives.

Perhaps he imagined the intensisty of the situation as it as something he had not done before and felt a little uncomfortable in himself doing it.

I don't know, but hopefully the next time he does it will be an easier experience.

TnOgu · 03/06/2007 15:23

As my mother says, 'people are too interested in themselves to be minding you'

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