to think it's weird that everyone wants to be involved in my pregnancy?

[Cyclops905]

6 months pregnant. We don't have many babies or children in our family so everyone is excited. It's been a tough pregnancy and I haven't been that open about it as I just want to get through it and come out ok the other side.

Mum, Dad, siblings - all pretty involved because we are close and they are immediate family.

My aunt I haven't spoken to a huge amount and she's sent me a tech saying she feels shut out because I haven't been sending her pregnancy updates and it upsets her to hear it from other people (my dad, her brother)

My gran gets updates but only every month or so, same with my other gran. They both think I haven't shared enough with them and should call them more to let them know what's happening and how baby is.

Friends - one is upset they haven't seen me since I've been pregnant, even though we commonly don't see each other for extended periods.

I could continue...

To me, pregnancy isn't lovely. It's not amazing. It's shit. I don't know what may or may not be wrong with my baby. I update as and when but am actually happier for my parents to provide updates. I can't deal with it and don't want to talk about my pregnancy all the time.

Is it normal for everyone to suddenly become incredibly interested in you to the point of harassment, guilt tripping and constant complaints about not being in contact on a weekly basis simply because you're pregnant?

My family is exhausting me!

I do get it, why people want to be involved. I just miss my privacy and am finding it really stressful...

Not normal and you’re not being unreasonable. I don’t really understand what sort of meaningful information they think you’d be able to give them on a weekly basis. Maybe write a generic update you can send out every Monday: “Hi Gran, still pregnant, still feel like shit, baby moving and size of an aubergine etc. best wishes, OP.”

Some of the older women in my life went batshit when I was pregnant. I think they felt jealous and nostalgic for a time of their life that has now passed.

@Lalalalalolololololo I always thought that the family involvement came after. Maybe I'm a simple person but I have no qualms in being pregnant for 9 months and not telling my family much at all, other than my parents and siblings who I see regularly. What else is there to pregnancy than being pregnant for 9 months then baby arriving? I don't want to discuss any more than that...

Well, you can't turn feelings off and on, can you? In an ideal world, all the fuss about being involved in pregnancy is a prelude to being involved and ready to help out with the baby. If you've been shut out of the pregnancy, it's difficult to suddenly turn on the tap and be supportive when the baby arrives. So just as they are being unreasonable in pestering you and insisting on information first-hand, you are being unrealistic in your view that family involvement comes after.

And although it's your family you see regularly and who you naturally have close ties to, the baby is just as much a part of your ILs' family as yours.

@MereDintofPandiculation I don't have contact with my IL's and not does DP, so not the case with us.

I have a huge family and don't have time to ring everybody every week. They all have been sent photos of my scans and are aware that my pregnancy is going okay-ish. I don't know what I'm supposed to do other than traipse across the other side of the country every weekend to see my family just so they can be involved. I have two parents, three brothers, one sister, 4 uncles and 2 aunts, lots of second cousins who are all older than me, grandparents, numerous friends... I could go on. How on earth without social media do I keep every single one constantly updated without going completely nuts?

Yeah, that is quite weird. I think you've already shared quite a lot by sending them scan pictures.

There's not a whole lot to say about a baby when you're pregnant. The child grows and that's about it. Are they going to expect a constant stream of updates on your cervix when you're in labour? Might be worth telling them that this isn't happening.

This might work for you OP - I too have an intensely over involved family. Had to break news to DM that I didn’t want her in the delivery suite, and that I can’t host my family in my house for the week of the birth!

One thing has worked - I have got them to download the same pregnancy app as me. Pop in my due date and they can follow the same updates. Instant gratification.

You’re not being unreasonable at all, that would do my head in!

That's a bit creepy on their part??! Essentially taking a time where you feel the most vulnerable and stressed out and making it about them... Just remember this in future. People show who they really are in times like these. If it were me I'd be texting you saying "I know we haven't seen each other in ages but I've bought you some nice lotions and potions for you and baby and I saw a lovely foot spa in boots that I had to get you! I'd love to drop them off at some point! Hope you're well X"

So an apology, a gift and asking your permission to get involved... THAT'S what loved ones are supposed to do.

All the best for you and your gorgeous babies future! X

I don’t really know what updates people want ? Fair enough finding out the gender or if you go past your due date but what else ? Do they want to know how you are feeling everyday

Wow I think you've shared loads - I didn't share scan photos with my family. I had a high risk pregnancy - and was hospitalised quite a lot. I sent a general text every 2/3 days to family - i.e. aunts, cousins etc - and spoke to my DM every day. If family had more queries, they went through her. I thought it was a lot but only because I/DD were so unwell at the time....I have no intention of repeating it if ever pregnant again!

Maybe adopt a group text approach and just start using vague terms like 'going well now, another few days done'.......and start dropping hints about needing to rest lots and start missing calls while you are resting