AIBU or is everyone else?

[CheesyCurryChips]

Just perspective needed, I’m suffering from anxiety & depression - maybe I’m being oversensitive & therefore unreasonable?

Back story - So I’m a single mum living at home with both parents and brother. Parents own a business which is going to be passed down to my brother, so they kinda all own it.

This evening my mum told me about an achievement they got at work - it’s some feat and I was so happy & proud of them all. Afterwards when my brother came in & I congratulated him but he acted as if he didn’t know what I was talking about. Then later I said to my mum that I think I put my foot in, she was close to tears and said he ate her for telling me. He didn’t want me to know (he’s odd like that). At this point I feel so bad that I am the reason my mum is sad, and I’m hurt that my brother felt that strongly that he didn’t want me to know.

I’m holding back tears at this point so I just want to go to bed so no one sees me cry. It’s 10.20pm and my DS (8) is refusing point blank to go to bed for me & starts throwing a tantrum and crying while I insist that we are for bed now. After 1 or 2 minutes of this my mum storms in and says she’ll stay up later with him (putting it in such a way that it made out like I was the bad guy and she was good guy staying up later - if that makes sense)

I ask her not to undermine me & my son had to go to bed. Then my father got involved as well - both were shouting at me saying he should be allowed up later as it is the summer holidays. Of course my DS is now firmly on their side and will not do as I ask, point blank ignoring me & shouting at me.

At this stage everyone in the house has a grudge against me & I feel so shit. I walked out & went for a drive. As my walked through the door my mum was shouting at me for walking away from my responsibilities.

Am I being so unreasonable that everyone else is right and I’m wrong. I feel so low.

Well from the snapshot you've given us, it would seem it is everyone else.
Though of course, it is a snapshot, and told from your perspective.

Bedtime - at 8, even in the holidays, 10.20 is definitely bedtime
Grandparents undermining parent - annoying and frustrating, and not helpful to your parenting, but if you are living in their home there is an expectation they will share the parenting.
Why are you living with them?
How permanent is the arrangement ?
Your brother - I have no idea - from the way you describe it, it sounds like he was being very odd (again, we're only getting your side)

Leaving the house, and being close to tears, do give fuel to your Mum's accusation I'm afraid.

I wonder how many of your symptoms would disappear if you didn't live with people who undermine you? I'm not diminishing your health and its severity but I've had MH issues and they certainly get worse if I have to spend extended time with my parents.

But since you are there, try to use some CBT techniques to help you avoid catastrophising. You don't need to feel bad that your mother is sad. It's not your fault. That's black and white thinking. She's sad because your brother manipulated the situation and sad she said something she shouldn't have, and if she has any sense she;s probably also sad that she has to be a go between and be all secretive and pointlessly manipulative when her instinct was to just tell you, because why not tell you? So your brother and mother can share the reason why she's sad.
Also, unless you were wilfully cruel to someone, it's never your responsibility how they feel. That's their responsibility. Your responsibility is to how you feel.
Finally, kids pick up on stress and one reason he may not have wanted to go to bed is because the stress has got the cortisol charging through his body. When that happens, it helps to agree with them in a soothing tone: You really don't want to go to bed do you? You're so bouncy still. But it is late, and we need sleep. Come up and snuggle on th ebed for ten minutes and then we'll see how tired we are.'

They all sound like arses and did so from the moment you said that only your brother is getting the business!

It's not you, it's them.

And how come you aren't part of the family business and why will the whole thing be passed to your brother?

Why is your brother getting the business and not split with you?! Also your dm is sad because she told you something mundane and normal and your brother made a big issue out of it? Sorry op your family situation sounds far from normal.

And at 8 your son is way too old to be having tantrums and shouting at you. How long are you staying with your parents for? Are you saving up to leave?

With tge disclaimer that this is only your side.

1. Your brother is being odd for not wanting your mum to share good news with you.
2. It's not your fault your mum told you something if she wasn't meant to.
3. If she wasn't meant to tell you she should have warned you not to say anything.

I too wonder what is causing your Anxiety.

Another here wanting to know why your brother is involved in the family business but you're not?

Why don't you work for it too? Why's it being left to him?

Did your mum at any point tell you not to say anything to your brother? I suspect not, so HOW is that your fault? Plus, your brother is an arse.

It is not your problem that your brother doesn't want you to know good news for some reason. Your mom shouldn't have told you if it was a secret.
I can also see why you are upset about the bedtime situation. Your mom shouldn't undermine your parenting.