Correcting Dh’s grammar in front of dd because she’s starting to pick up his way of speaking.

[CocoDeMoll]

I’m not a snob in any way, seriously!!

My dd is 5 and she now attends a little local primary where there are lots of kids from v MC backgrounds and I don’t want her being picked on in the future because she says things wrong. And for the record my own spelling and grammar is shit so I’m not judging.

She’s says ‘them’ instead of ‘those’ as in ‘can I have some of them tomatoes’ and other stuff like that because dh does. Dh doesn’t realise this isn’t correct but doesn’t jump down my throat if I say it isn’t so he’s pretty decent about it. I have no issues with accents or dialects but I feel like down the line she might get further ahead if I correct her from saying stuff like ‘so I tells him’ to ‘so I told him’. AIBU?

[muddlingalong42]

I wouldn’t correct her but talk to her the way she wants to talk. Kids always get this stuff muddled anyway. My DD (6) says stuff like telled instead of told etc.

[muddlingalong42]

I mean talk to her the way you want her to talk.

[Svanhildur]

I must admit I've done this myself (and DP's language isn't even my first) but I don't like myself for it and I try to bite my tongue. It is rude, I think.

The best way to influence the way a child speaks and understands language is to model it in a natural way. Your child may well pick up your DH's dialect and accent, but she'll pick up yours as well. Even if she doesn't actively use it a lot, she'll understand it and be able to switch between these modes at will when required. Ensure your DD reads a reasonable amount and she'll have plenty of exposure to standard English and will be able to employ it when necessary. I quite agree that command of the dominant dialect for the place you live in is a useful skill.

All the people talking about how they're fine with non-standard dialects but not non-standard grammar - you are talking nonsense.The word dialect covers all aspects of language, including grammatical features. Saying 'them tomatoes' isn't categorically incorrect, it is simply non-standard. Something is ungrammatical if it doesn't make sense. 'I want them tomatoes' makes perfect sense and we all know exactly what it means, exactly the same as 'I want those tomatoes'. This is a perfect example of a dialectical difference. It is not an example of a mistake and a correct sentence.

[hidingmystatus]

Right. I'm going to weigh in here to point out that if your children cannot speak or write correctly in English, according to so-called "snobbish" rules of grammar, their chances of producing an acceptable CV or getting a job which will require them to write in professional English are markedly reduced. Like it or not, the professions require you to be able to write grammatically. This has nothing at all to do with regional accents (which are great) and plenty to do with companies wanting to present a professional image. If your child cannot do that because they've never been corrected or taught correctly, their life chances ARE affected. For the record, I worked in a company where this mattered for my entire working life. I have a noticeable regional accent, which didn't matter at all. The ability to write "those items" or "we were" or use an apostrophe correctly certainly did.

[Passthecake30]

I agree with hiding.

Fiction is also important, I know of someone who was deemed not suitable for a role and was told to work on her diction and retry...if you want your children not to be restricted in the future and can help them now, why not?

[Passthecake30]

Argh. ^diction!

[19lottie82]

My DSD14 always says “how much” when it should be “how many” and it does my tits in! I always correct her and tell her when she has job / uni interviews down the line they’ll think she’s a bit dim!

[19lottie82]

My DD (6) says stuff like telled instead of
told etc.

That really is just getting muddled though. It’s not the same as copying adults who use bad grammar through laziness.

[Allthewaves]

I wouldnt correct dh. I would correct dd. My dad had terrible grammer where mums was excellent. She just gently corrected me and it stuck.

[genivert]

I would, and do, correct in this situation.

Poor articulation, bad grammar, etc does limit life opportunities, whether some hand wringing posters like it or not.

The reality is that it will do her intelligence a disservice if it's not corrected, and will limit her employment opportunities (potentially).

No one has to be perfect but the examples provided are fairly basic.

I'm a bit shocked at some of the replies here saying it's fine or that their DH wouldn't be 100% on board with modelling the correct form.... Why on earth would you not? Isn't it part of basic education and parenting to teach your child how to speak properly?

[PenelopeShitStop]

lindalee33 I never said that you had to speak RP in order to spell correctly. But obviously if you grow up thinking that "we was* is the correct form and go on to use that in your covering letter, it looks dreadful.

Doesn't matter if you have spelt it correctly because it is still wrong grammatically.

[FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast]

I agree with RoseTree, tbh.

Correcting the way your husband speaks in front of the children is horrible for him.

correct the children when he is not there..:)

[surreygirl1987]

Correct it but speak to your husband and check that he doesn't mind.

My mum had excellent grammar but my dad's was terrible (both strong brummie accents). The accent wasn't an issue - but my mum was very concerned that we were picking up dad's poor grammar and would correct us (sometimes in front of him). As far as I know dad didn't mind. I'm grateful to my mum for correcting us - I now have excellent grammar, and have even taught English grammar in a university to postgrads. Children really do forge good/bad habits very young and they are hard to break. To those who think it's snobby... well, yes, class is an issue which is tied up with not only accent and dialect but also grammatical expression to some extent, but I don't think class politics should come into it when teaching a child correct grammar. It's right or it's wrong. I'm a schoolteacher now and a child struggles with GCSE English with poor spoken grammar as this is manifested in how they write too. (Class is also an issue which is interwoven with the current examination system but they are what they are at the moment so that's by the by!).

[surreygirl1987]

Oh, to clarify... just re-reading some of the other posts above, I agree that whilst I would correct your child's grammar in front of your husband, I wouldn't actually correct your husband's. If my child starting repeating that grammatical error, THEN I would correct the child.

@svanhildur I'm afraid the tomato sentence is grammatically incorrect. Just because you understand what somebody means doesn't make it grammatically correct.

[Svanhildur]

Well it really depends on your definition of the word grammar. A lot of people define it as "the rules I learned at school" or "the conventions of the dominant dialect" and think it's something that is logical, in which case it's not grammatical, sure. Those aren't the definitions I use.

[FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast]

" Just because you understand what somebody means doesn't make it grammatically correct. "

well, that is debatable tbh.

If enough people say something, then it becomes 'correct'...

I love making this statement because hordes of outraged people then jump on the thread to tell me how wrong I am.

examples of 'grammar rules' that people learnt at school are 'never split an infinitive' or 'never end a sentence with a preposition'.

This is bullshit up with which I cannot put.

[SpoonfulOfJam]

“Ta” is used informally by adults in the West Midlands. I would guess also in other places. So it really isn’t such an odd thing to teach babies. At least round these parts.

[Svanhildur]

I don't think you'd find a single linguist who would agree that "I want them tomatoes" was not grammatical. Though obviously it is non-standard grammar.

[MerryMarigold]

My ds2 (9yi) is highly able and intelligent but he says 'brang' instead of 'brought'. Drives me nuts. This summer 'brang' needs to go

[SpoonfulOfJam]

I frequently correct myself! When DS parrots my incorrect grammar or diction, and I hear it back. Just today I dropped my ts when telling him that the item was a bo’le opener. Sounded awful coming from the mouth of a 4 year old.

[FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast]

well, yes of course. However, if the majority of a population started saying 'them tomatoes', then it would become correct.

this is how words like 'snuck' have crept into the language. (snuck in?)

It's fascinating really.

[Svanhildur]

If enough people say something, then it becomes 'correct'...

Not necessarily in the dominant dialect, but clearly it is already correct in some dialects. If a group of people are consistently using a certain construction and there are clear rules governing it's use (not necessarily written rules, but rules in the sense that we can accurately predict when it will and won't be used) - hey, that's the definition of grammar.

[FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast]

high five Svan!!

[Svanhildur]

Ugh ignore the rogue apostrophe. My phone always tries to put that in. I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm uneducated now.

[surreygirl1987]

I am cringing at some of these recent posts...